


The Measure of Man

by Amarissia



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 80,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amarissia/pseuds/Amarissia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cycle of abuse gives way to redemption, and the hero's journey begins anew. Sequel to The Madness Of Angels. Yaoi, adult content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Midnight Shakes the Memory

****

"Becoming conscious is of course a sacrilege against  
nature; it is as though you had robbed the unconscious  
of something."  
\- Carl Jung

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter One - Midnight Shakes The Memory**

 

_I do not continue to exist, so much as I am constantly reborn. In the warm dark I drift in cradling seas, and in the womb the planet made for me I am alone. Thus far only the Dark Ones, who spoke with menace of purity and reaping, have disturbed this dream-like state, and they retreated at last when She came. She comes to me sometimes, and though She never stays long, when Her arms spread wide the darkness...for a moment, all is light. Blinding, unpoisoned by the dark goddess, sky and sea to my iron and blood. She hurts me with all that I am not. It is a kind of brilliant pain._

_My hell is Her absence, my punishment memory. My life as Genesis Rhapsodos is clearer to me here than ever before, the wounded child, the weaver of terrible webs. In death only have I come to understand the sorrow I inflicted on the living. So many nameless faces in nostalgic moonlight. Goro's childish features still in death. The blond boy who became a hero. Angeal's precious Puppy. Angeal, my dearest friend, who tended my childhood scrapes and forgave my adult crimes. Angeal, you were not the one I wanted, but you were the first thing I remember loving, even before Her._

_I know the story is not over, because I breathe still, and I hear. Because I long for Him as much as ever I did and always I will. I believe He lives but cannot know, and that is my other punishment - I can sense Angeal, and Zack, and the other self-aware spirits in the Lifestream. But I cannot sense Him._

_Even so, I have not given up. The planet turns, the fields renew their green, and the tale is passed on. The Goddess has not one hero, but three, and they must gather together to meet their fates. I am growing stronger here in this guf, and I have been since the Dark Ones came. She needs me at last, and will send me in due time to those who are reaching out to me. Nothing shall forestall my return, and nothing will stop me from saving Him or helping the one who can._

_The only question...is who is it that is calling me._

__

scscscsc

"I'm sorry to call you here again."

She laughed, a sound like many tiny bells, not because his expression or earnestness was funny, but because the love that permeated this part of the Lifestream comforted her. She stepped into the house, out of the surrounding garden and green-scented air, and lay a delicate hand on his broad arm. Even worry-prone Angeal couldn't be very disturbed in this heaven, but he relaxed a little at her touch, and the contrast was enough to make her realize how anxious he was.

"I don't mind. Take me to him."

Aerith knew the way to the bedroom, as well as she knew her own small cottage or her parents', but she followed behind Angeal, and peered from around him when they reached the wide bed. Zack was curled up on it, eyes squeezed shut in an unnatural unconsciousness. He was a teenager here, having reverted to the age of his happiest time, and as always Aerith was reminded of their first meeting. Attraction, a crush, friendship that couldn't be more. It no longer mattered, but he looked so young, and she felt so old.

"He's been like this a lot. I'm not sure what's wrong, he just says he's tired."

Aerith nodded. Sleep was unnecessary here, which made excessive amounts of it an oddity. She touched Zack's cool forehead, felt his life-pulse fluttering like a strong wind. It was good and steady, but flickering almost, pushing a large quantity of its energy somewhere else.

"I think he's lending strength to someone."

"Cloud?"

At the name spoken, Zack opened his eyes and smiled dreamily. "Hey, Aer. Is Angeal worrying again?"

"Puppy..."

"I'm fine."

"Cloud will be too," Aerith said with quiet certainty.

"I'm sorry to worry you guys, and I know Cloud's tough, but he's still reeling from the memories he got back." Zack pushed his way up to a sitting position, and leaned into Angeal who came closer. "They're distracting him, and he needs all the focus he can get. That mess with DeepGround isn't over, and he'll always have another battle ahead of him."

He didn't mention Sephiroth, though they were all thinking of him. Not a day went by that Angeal didn't pray for his old friend, and he suspected Zack did the same. Aerith thought of her father, whom she'd gotten to know only after death. The Lifestream was not a void that cancelled out the regrets of life. Gast still wept whenever Sephiroth's name was spoken in his presence.

"Tell him I'm fine, Aer."

"You'll continue to be tired if you keep diverting so much of your strength."

"I've got someone whipped enough to carry me around," Zack said, looking with a smile up at Angeal.

The density of the emotion passing constantly between them made the air heavy. Aerith excused herself for the lighter breath of the surrounding garden outside, where she was always welcome and at home. Angeal brushed a few stray spikes from Zack's forehead, and his hand lingered there for a moment, as though feeling for a fever that was long gone.

"Sorry to worry you. But it's not like I'm in any danger here, and Cloud...you understand, right?"

"The only thing I don't understand is how I managed to get you," Angeal said tenderly. Zack had teased him often that once free from his earthly guilt, he had become a total sap.

Of course, Zack had his moments too. "Answer to a prayer, remember?"

"My message of the gods." The memory these words evoked still brought a few tears out of Zack; Angeal kissed each away as soon as it escaped, and lowered himself onto Zack with his knees resting on either side of the boy.

Sex here was the same ecstatic experience Zack had tried futilely to capture in writing, only longer, easier, without the little aches that accompanied it on Gaia. The pair's clothing faded as soon as they wanted it to, and Angeal slid inside with no preparation, knowing he was unable to hurt Zack this way and encouraged by that.

"You never hurt me doing this," Zack whispered, easily catching the thought, before his voice faded into a soft moan.

It wasn't better in death than it had been in life, they had agreed. Just easier, even easier for Zack to hold Angeal to him with the wrap of smooth legs around him, less resistance for Angeal to find as he sank as deep as he could with each thrust. The natural state of the Lifestream was a sort of faint, continuous pleasure; this was a wild and intense one, lightning compared to a candle flame.

Zack was too weak to do much more than hang on and try to meet each push with his hips, but he was a teenager again, and it was no unusual thing for him to let Angeal take the lead. Rank, position, things like like that were swept away by death, but a person's nature remained the same, and Zack was as always content to be Angeal's - 

"Puppy, my baby Puppy," Angeal murmured, lifting Zack's spirit-body up to cradle it as he continued. His soul cried to the younger what it always did, what the nickname had always meant - love, love.

Zack shuddered and came once, twice, the number of spurts blurring together as he began the orgasm that could last for hours. Angeal's mouth met his and swallowed his sweet whimpers, noises of concentration as well as pleasure. Zack was even using the energy generated by their coupling to lend strength to Cloud.

Angeal smiled, open-mouthed around a groan. Here, where souls' hearts were open to each other, there was no jealousy. Here, free from the darkness of Jenova's influence, he felt only touched by Zack's devotion. He might have said something gentle, or let his mind do so, had Zack not suddenly cried out in alarm.

Angeal pulled him close and held him tightly, not needing to ask what was wrong. He too had felt the shadow of something distant and poisonous probe their happy refuge like an all-seeing and evil eye. Worse than this by far was the form Angeal - and certainly Zack as well - sensed it was inhabiting. Together, still joined at the roots of their spirit-bodies, the dead lovers put their foreheads together and prayed silently for Sephiroth.

__

scscscsc

Aerith took her time outside, in no hurry to anywhere else. She loved the immense surrounding garden Angeal had created for Zack, and that they now tended together. She had her own flowers, of course, even more beautiful than those she'd grown on Gaia, but this place soothed her, because here the voices were soft.

There was always one Cetra who remained whole and unabsorbed by the Lifestream, the voices of her people told Aerith when she knelt among the petals to hear them, always one whose personality stayed unfragmented in order to be their representative. The one who had been her predecessor in this was a kind man she had met only briefly, when the task passed from him to her. It had been so quick, all of it. A prayer, a brief pain, the sense of sinking into warm green light, and he was there, assuring Aerith that her prayer had been heard and would be answered. She had not given any thought to refusing (or trying to) the charge to speak for the Cetra, and since then, existence had been mostly the peace of listening and soothing new arrivals. Life now seemed like a great hurrying that led to a long wait.

The moments of crisis were rare, usually involved helping Cloud, and were welcome reminders of the living being she had been, the comrades she had fought alongside. Aerith was happy to see Tifa become an adoptive mother, Vincent begin to seek forgiveness, Yuffie mature without losing her spirit. And Cloud, of course, Cloud was a popular subject in the Lifestream. Cloud was a constant work-in-progress and a difficult one at that, but as Zack liked to cheerfully say, "Who isn't?"

_"You fell through the roof, see? It surprised me!"_

Cloud had surprised her, in more ways than one. Aerith had given up on her blooming love for Zack once she realized his heart was elsewhere, but his disappearance had been no less devastating for that. When Cloud appeared, believing he was a SOLDIER and sharing so many of Zack's mannerisms, it was like being offered a second chance. Before a cascade of yellow Banoran lilies, Aerith tilted her head down and offered Gaia a prayer of thanks for the time she'd had with Cloud, the chance she'd gotten to grow to love the real him.

Cupping a bloom delicately, Aerith laughed and mused that she seemed to have a knack for picking guys who were already taken. The thought was light, but it ended in a shudder of cold. The space overhead, usually a pale sunset-rainbow of clouds, was turning gray, and Aerith briefly and absurdly felt that the false sky was threatening to crush her. Breathing was only a leftover habit here, but so was panicking when the lungs tighten and the air leaves them. She could only turn her head and widen her green eyes as the flowers, row by row, shriveled with cold and began to blacken, until the garden was no longer vital but a place of death...

...and the dark feeling was gone, as quickly as it had come. Whatever malevolence had taken hold had vanished without a trace, and the flowers were all blooming and the air sweet. Aerith breathed it in gratefully, shivering though the chill had disappeared.

__

scscscsc

The light from the fireplace dimmed for a few moments, as though the flames were being smothered. The darkness of shadow fell across an open book, which the graying man closed on his lap. "My poor boy," he whispered, and began to cry without sound.

__

scscscsc

ShinRa's new headquarters were significantly less impressive than the sprawling compound that Weapon had laid waste to. It was one building only, a modest almost-skyscraper on the outskirts of Edge, purposely no closer to avoid reminding citizens of its presence. They had reasons to hate the ShinRa of old, and New ShinRa had yet to sufficiently prove itself.

The structure was still in the slow process of being re-modeled, so far containing little more than offices, living quarters and a few facilities. It was quiet in a way the Compound had never been, so new that its only ghosts were the ones Tseng carried with him. The ground floor, where he entered and headed for the elevator, was silent, all in a clean disarray that was nowhere near feeling like home yet.

Even the sound of his polished shoes on the tile didn't sound right, Tseng noted, because noticing was part of being a Turk.

The lab was a short trip away, just one floor down to the basement. The descent and the faint chemical smell still twisted Tseng's stomach, and he never felt fully reassured until he was inside and saw no sign of Hojo. Dr. Enji Kanawa, the new head of the science department, had so far proved to be a good, moral man, dedicated to his work but careful not to cause undue harm. Everything Hojo had not been, but Tseng had come here to see someone else. Being a reasonable man, the head Turk had long ago accepted that there were some affections and worries neither time nor change could alter.

Kanawa stood as Tseng approached, though his eyes didn't leave his monitors. "I thought you might show up, Commander. I tried to let him go hours ago, but he keeps pushing himself."

Tseng nodded, just once. With the company low in man-power and new threats constantly arising, ShinRa needed every advantage it could get. This was clearly what Reno believed, because the very same day Kanawa had been hired, he had marched to the lab and offered himself as a subject...or perhaps partner would be a better term. Reno being able to control his visions and use them to gather intelligence would certainly be an extraordinary advantage, but there had been no luck yet, no matter what drugs or hypnosis or meditation they had tried. The flashes of prophecy still came only randomly, and were often so cryptic that nothing could be inferred from them.

Tseng looked at Reno's lithe and wiry form laying on the padded exam table, and felt a swirl of cold in his stomach. Kanawa is not Hojo, he told himself, mildly annoyed, and examined Reno more closely. Fists clenched, legs slightly bent, pale brows furrowed over a defiant scowl. The boy was trying so hard...no, he was an adult now, free to choose to do this, and Tseng suddenly missed the teenager who'd tagged after him, played pranks like an unruly son.

"Since we've never been able to record his stats during a vision, we don't know what conditions are needed to induce them," the doctor was saying, a graying Wutaian ex-patriate who reminded Tseng of his father. "My present theory is that the flashes come during a state of alertness rather than any of the unconscious levels, so I haven't given him anything this time. But he must be getting tired."

Tseng's arms were crossed, and his fingers twitched lightly against his tie. They wanted to reach for something. He decided to pretend he didn't know what a little longer.

"Commander? Reno drew a sketch of what he remembered from the last vision. Does it look at all familiar?"

Tseng studied the paper he was handed, then set it down. "No. This is the 'strange floor' he mentioned?"

"What he could remember of it. I don't see how it's so strange in itself, that diamond-shapes tile pattern isn't uncommon."

"What about the green stuff all over it, is that mako or pure Lifestream?"

"He doesn't know."

"Damn it!"

The monitors displaying Reno's vitals began a soft alarm when he ripped the wires off his head and wrists and sat up. Dr. Kanawa busied himself shutting the noise off, while Tseng went to Reno.

"You don't need to push yourself like this."

"You don't understand. It's like everything I need to know is in here - " Reno waved his hands around his head - "and I just can't get to it."

"The information will come. Your warning about DeepGround came early enough for us to act on it."

"What if the next warning comes too late, or not at all? Anyway..." Reno pushed his brilliant red hair, down from its usual ponytail, behind his shoulder. "Rufus might have ended up funding the WRO anyway. He wants to make amends to the planet."

"You exhausting yourself won't accomplish that."

"Rufus isn't pushing me to do this, if that's where you're going. I want to help him. I want to do all I can for New ShinRa."

"It's late. Do it tomorrow."

"You never change," Reno said lowly, but eased himself off the table. "Sorry, doc. Can we pick it up tomorrow?"

"I'll be here."

Tseng placed one hand loosely on Reno's shoulder as they walked and left it there. He felt the change in posture the moment it happened, when they were only a few steps from the elevator. Reno froze in his tracks and his body seized up, pushing him onto the balls of his feet and pulling a sharp inhaling sound from his open mouth. Kanawa futilely tried to get the monitoring equipment in time, but Reno didn't seem to notice. He was only seeing something terrible, and Tseng was only seeing Reno, quietly panicking at the dumb terror in jade-green eyes.

"Reno, you're in a safe place. Say what you see."

Low keening answered him, like the death groan of a wounded wolf. Kanawa was closer now, casting Sense, but Tseng felt glued to Reno's faraway expression. The boy's eyes rolled back and forth rapidly, like he was reading something or trying to take in every detail of it. He rocked forward on his toes, then backward, and Tseng carefully steadied him. Reno felt cold beneath the fabric of his white shirt.

"Reno," Tseng whispered, "what do you see?"

Another gasp of inhale answered him. Reno's body twitched violently, and his eyes rolled up to reveal stark whiteness. Tseng was alarmed, even though he'd been present for most of the worst visions.

"Reno, you're safe. What is it?"

The young man blinked suddenly, swapping his eyes back to green and conscious. He was shivering, arms shaking in his damp sleeves, and his haunted expression was more aware than it usually was, and at the same time, somehow, further away.

" _Him_ ," Reno croaked, and immediately slumped in a dead faint.

Tseng caught him, held him close, and over the younger's fiery hair, shared a knowing look with Kanawa. A cold shadow had passed through the air, but only Reno had sensed it.

__

scscscsc

Cloud swung, leaped, somersaulted through the air with blades flying, anything to keep moving. The Schizo he was fighting was immature, and the younger they were the more dangerous, more mobile than their elders. One head belched Fire at him, the other roared Ice, and though he could dodge both, he sometimes let a spell hit him, because pain was a good distraction from hurting.

He had been at this for hours - here he dodged a high-level Fire and watched it incinerate a young tree - and doing the same thing for weeks. Memories and feelings surged up, Cloud risked his life killing until they went away. The forests around Midgar and Edge were quickly being emptied of monsters, and the townspeople thought Cloud was just being the hero they knew him as. No one understood, not even Tifa who tried so hard. The Cloud released from the pages of Zack's memoir was no hero, just a lovesick boy clashing with an adult who alternately pitied and loathed him.

_I love a dead man._

It was too clear now, too sharp. Every second of confusion before Meteorfall, every perplexed moment of obsessing over Sephiroth, now made a perfect and agonizing sense. And the memories were a relentless flood. Cloud woke up, and he recalled his teenage dreams of his crush, the sticky blankets and primal guilt. He walked to the bathroom, and he was fourteen again, curled up like a standing fist in the communal showers and hoping no one would notice. Every door Cloud opened became the door to Sephiroth's office, and he was a nervous child marveling at the general's beauty, looking with wide eyes at a gentle sadness he hadn't expected.

_I love a man who will not die._

An expert swipe, and the Schizo's Fire head came off cleanly, with a single wounded howl. It was every battle Cloud had fought while Meteor sailed toward the planet, every death rattle of every beast. There would always be more battles, and more people to be lost, because

_I love a man who tried to destroy everything else I care about, and will again._

The mained dragon redoubled its efforts, its remaining neck moving at whiplash speed. Cloud countered with First Tsurugi easily, mako eyes piercing the late-night dark and increased strength always coming when he needed it. The blast of Ice was silver in the shards of moonlight peeking through the trees, and this was enough to freeze Cloud for a moment. The cold pain of the attack woke him, and he ran forward growling to deal the fatal blow.

_Just like I killed Sephiroth. I killed him three times, and it hurt so much, and except for that time in the reactor, I never knew why._

The felled beast was dissolving into the air, becoming particles of light before it could grow cold. Most monsters did this, and no one knew why. Maybe it was how they returned to the circle of life, in body because they had no souls, or maybe their souls were just different. Memory rose up again, and Sephiroth was dissolving into white, devolving into Kadaj, and Cloud was holding the boy because something in him cried for the innocence in his face, the flash of something a little like empathy, much more like

_Love. I love Sephiroth._

He wouldn't say it aloud, not to Tifa who'd read Zack's journal, not to himself, not even to Zack when he came and offered a spectral shoulder to lean on. But it was irrefutable. Ever since the first set of flashes, Cloud realized that what he felt for Sephiroth was carved deep into his soul, as much as the instinct to breathe or duck an attack. What he would do with this feeling remained to be seen, though one decision had been made early, without the burden of reality or thought.

_I can't kill him again. Never again. Not if he summons Meteor, not if he puts a sword to my throat or anyone else's. I can't do it again._

Cloud Strife fell to his knees, pushed there by a cold shudder that went through him as quick as lightning and was gone. First Tsurugi stood plunged into the dirt before him, and he gripped it with both hands as though in prayer, wondering if the monsters he killed had souls that could be made clean by death, if anyone really did.

__

scscscsc

"'...and now that the littlest coeurl knew the true meaning of friendship, he happily went home to his family's den. The end.'"

"One more?" Marlene asked, tired eyes blinking heavily up from the pillow.

"It's time to sleep. Besides, you can read these books by yourself now." At age seven, she really could.

"I like the way you read them. When Daddy's here, he always makes the animals sound grumpy." Marlene yawned. "Tifa?"

"Yes, honey?"

"Are you worried about Cloud?"

"Of course not," Tifa lied with a smile. "He can take care of himself. And you know how Cloud is, sometimes he just needs to go off and be by himself for awhile."

"Is it because he has to fight someone again?"

"I hope not." Tifa wasn't sure yet what to think of Cloud loving Sephiroth, but she knew she was opposed to anything that would cause him grief. "I'm sure he'll come home soon. Now, be good like Denzel and go to sleep, okay?"

"I heard Uncle Cid say you need sleep too."

"I'll sleep once you're asleep," Tifa said cheerfully, though it was possibly a lie. There had been too many dreams lately of Meteor and Nibelheim to let her rest easy. "You want to be rested for school, right?"

"Uh-huh." The little girl's eyes were closing, as much as she tried to keep them open.

Tifa whispered "Sweet dreams", gently kissed Marlene's forehead and got up slowly, so the bedsprings would creak as little as possible. There was plenty of moonlight, so she switched off the pink bedside lamp, and was almost to the half-open door when Marlene's little voice drowsily came to her across the room.

"If you can't sleep because you dream of the bad man, I know how to make him go away. Aren told Kayla, and Kayla told me."

Tifa turned slowly and deliberately, and began to walk back. She recongized the names of Marlene's classmates, but... "Honey, what bad man?"

"The bad man with silver hair and a long sword. He sometimes comes into people's dreams and makes fire and scares you. Haven't you seen him?"

Hardly realizing she spoke out loud, Tifa murmured "Yes. I've seen him."

"S'okay. All you have to do when he comes is ask Gaia to make him go away, and she does, because she's a nice lady, right?"

"That's right. I'll...I'll try that. Good night, Marlene."

"G'night."

Tifa waited until the door was closed behind her to shiver from the faint, internal cold she felt. She rubbed the chill out of her bare arms as she walked down the hall and descended the stairs, praying that she was wrong and that this wasn't a foreboding of yet another horror Cloud would have to face.

**To be continued.**


	2. Loving Alone

If we are particles in a sea of distance, exploded from an original  
whole, then there is a science to our solitude. We are lonely in  
proportion to our years."  
\- The Rule Of Four, Caldwell and Thompson

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter Two - Loving Alone**

 

_White, all pure white and life-colored green is the world that shelters me. Here I can remember the happiest moments of my life with Angeal and with Him, and remember my crimes with no judgment but my own. I condemned myself more harshly than She ever would have alone. When the Dark Ones revived me and offered me a chance to return to life on the planet, a great part of me wanted to. Deep within Jenova's coils somewhere was He, and I thought perhaps I could find Him._

_But I was not fooled by the Dark Ones, or by their immaculate leader. When I emerge, it will be to protect Gaia, not destroy her under some vain pretense of purifying. I don't care about Omega, or its squire Chaos that the red-cloaked man carries inside him. I made my apologies, once, to my dearest friends through the ones each loved most, and I believe they were accepted. But I have yet to truly make amends, and that is what matters to me._

_You, you strange ones that call to me, I know you, and yet I do not. We never met, but I left plenty of blood and tissue samples behind, and I know what games scientists play when you give them raw materials. I see the failed prototypes of myself float pathetically in their tubes, and I hate them, I hate the laboratory memories they stir. I would hate you too, could I not see into your hearts and find you very unlike Hollander and Hojo._

_Intention matters, you see. Angeal would add that it's not the most important thing, but I disagree. Our actions are always only the very best we can muster up in any given moment. We always fall short, in our minds even if in no one else's. Intentions can be perfect, while we - child-things that we are - never can._

_I will listen a little longer to your hurried steps and your talk of samples and rejection before I decide what to do. You may be allies in my struggle or enemies to be dealt with, I don't know yet. But ultimately..._

_Nothing shall prevent my return._

__

scscscsc

"Are you sensing something?"

"Hmm? No."

"You look far away."

"I just know that one of these days, Zack is gonna show up, and I'm hoping he won't do it here."

Rufus laughed, a slow, lazy sound. He never laughed in public, probably due to early training by his father, but here in their bed, all politician shields could be lowered. He pulled Reno off the adjacent pillow and closer, until their foreheads touched and strands of their hair mingled, blond-red into red.

"Have you seen Zack?"

"No. Cloud does, though."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No." Reno knew he didn't need to explain further.

"Let me know when you do, so I can apologize to him on behalf of ShinRa."

Reno closed his eyes. "They went through such hell, those two. In that lab."

Eyes still shut, Reno let himself be drawn closer, and pressed his face to the warmth of Rufus's bare shoulder. The smell and skin awoke arousal in him, and their legs intertwined and Rufus's hand traveled south, halting to cup and massage flesh that quickened in his fingers. Reno opened his eyes long enough to stare into Rufus's - grayish, melting-blue ice - and let them fall closed again for a long, slow kiss.

"But they survived. Just like you survived."

"It's not always a choice. Not a conscious one, at least."

Rufus wasn't sure what that meant, so he concentrated on letting his mouth drift lower, kissing tension out of Reno's body bit by bit as he went. By the time he reached the flat belly, Reno's legs had opened - an invitation, and the president took it. They were no longer the fumbling teenagers they used to be, Rufus knew exactly how to engulf Reno with his mouth. Patiently, inch by inch, pausing to trace the line of a vein with his tongue or probe the wet slit.

The Turk's breathing sped up, his pale chest heaved, and with both hands he fisted the expensive sheets. Rufus, without stopping, pried his fingers off the fabric and placed the hands on his bobbing head. He always had to remind Reno that it was okay to touch him while doing this. They both had old habits that weren't easy to break. But Reno had learned to enjoy it, that was all that mattered right now.

When it was finished, when he had drunk and licked away every drop, Reno scooted down to meet him. With a wounded expression, he gently cupped Rufus's face in his cool hands, and the president was about to ask if he was okay when Reno spoke.

"It happened today, in the lab."

"It worked?"

"No. The vision came after I stopped trying." Reno stopped short here, then went hesitantly on after Rufus's hands covered his own and squeezed them. "I don't remember it too well...but I know it was Sephiroth."

"Sephiroth." For a moment Rufus remembered Kadaj, and the few moments he had actually pitied the boy.

"He's gonna come back."

It wasn't really such a surprise. Sephiroth had resurrected before, after all, but having Reno say it with such certainty made the president's jaw clench. So many had worked so hard, and were working still, to undo the damage Sephiroth had wrought, but he would only come again and make all their struggles worthless. A sense of helplessness crept up inside Rufus, the feeling he hated most.

"Do you know when, or how?"

"No, I just feel him getting closer. He's drawn to Strife." Reno sighed quietly and made an all too familiar expression, one of pain that belonged to someone else. "They're connected. In death, life, it doesn't matter. He might not be conscious of it, but Cloud keeps pulling him back to this world. And I don't know if Strife can ever really beat him. There might never be an end to this."

"We'll find one. We'll make one."

"Poor Cloud," Reno whispered. "As long as he chooses to live, he'll never be free."

Rufus wrapped his arms around Reno, pulled him as close as two bodies could be. Reno pressed his face against Rufus's neck and shuddered gently against him, and the president ran his lips and fingers over the silk-softness of bright red hair. It was in moments like these that Rufus found the strength to keep trying to make amends for the wrongs ShinRa had committed. Their relationship was not known publicly, so few knew Rufus's true reason for pushing onward, no matter how many nightmares emerged and threatened Gaia. He would protect the planet with all his power, because it was the only way to protect Reno.

__

scscscsc

Stepping into the cave, Cloud felt like he was passing into another world, one of watery shadows and the muffled sound of underground springs. As the outside light was stripped away, Cloud's eyes went bright to compensate, from the color of sky to that of blue materia, burning from within with the fire of life. It was easy to make his way through the single passage, and not long before he reached the main chamber, which had its own source of illumination.

It was as he remembered from their brief stop here during the Meteorfall crisis. The crystalline structure grew up from the center of the floor, scattering particles of light in every direction, and the female form encased in it was unchanged. Lucrecia Crescent, Sephiroth's mother. Her features were fine and familiar...she looked like him. Damn it, she looked like him. Cloud's eyes burned but stayed dry, and though he'd known Vincent was sitting on the ground nearby he forgot about the man completely until he spoke.

"Did you come to see me, or her?"

Cloud found he couldn't answer that.

"Hmm." Vincent looked back toward the crystal structure, and in the light of it, his face was peaceful. The sight made Cloud remember what Vincent had said to him after the fight with DeepGround.

"I decided to try, Cloud. And I believe now that sins can be forgiven...if we ask."

"Has she forgiven you?"

"She never blamed me. I only needed to realize that."

_"I never blamed you, not once. You came for me. That's all that matters."_

Cloud shook away the memory of Aerith. "Have you forgiven yourself?"

"Hmm." Vicent smiled ruefully. "I wonder."

Cloud sat down a respectful distance from him, but close enough to feel the change in Vincent, the lesser pain that was in him. He had truly begun to forgive himself, though the process might take him the rest of his prolonged life. Cloud turned from Vincent to Lucrecia again, and a jolt of anger seized him, at himself, at her.

"Does she regret it at all? What was done to Sephiroth?"

Vincent seemed faintly surprised. "That is why she remains here. Why she will not rejoin the Lifestream."

"She should have protected him."

"She did try. Too late, perhaps, but she tried. She wasn't strong enough after he was born." A metal creak; Vincent's claw-hand had clenched. "She was never strong enough to stop Hojo, in any case."

"Is Hojo really gone now?"

"What I fought was the last remnant of his existence, I believe." I hope, was what Vincent clearly meant.

"And Omega?"

"Omega was defeated, not destroyed." Vincent placed his human hand over Death Penalty, absently stroked the cool metal. "It was put back to sleep, but it cannot be killed. It was meant to protect the planet, and to gather up all the life upon it when this world dies. DeepGround manipulated it, but Omega is not an evil thing. Cloud. Is this really what you wanted to talk about?"

"I..."

"I've sensed him too."

_I'm so sorry._ The spectral voice echoed quickly through the cavern and was gone. Vincent bowed his head.

"I don't think I can fight him again," Cloud whispered.

"We are always ready to aid you, Cloud."

"I can't let anyone fight him. I love him."

Cloud said it softly, but the cavernous room echoed it and made it a louder murmur, defiant or desperate, neither man knew which. Vincent looked at him without any change of expression, and it was exactly the reaction Cloud needed to blurt out what he had said aloud to no one but Zack.

"I remember now, I remember everything. I knew I'd had a stupid crush on him, but until I read Zack's journal, I didn't remember what it really was, or why it was so easy for him to control me and make me do what he wanted." A memory surfaced as he spoke, a greater understanding of why he had handed the Black Materia to Sephiroth. He hadn't realized what was in his hands, only that he wanted to reach out to his - "Obsession. I know you guys thought I was just obsessed with him, but that's not it. I was in love with him that night in Nibelheim when I attacked him with Zack's sword, and I'm in love with him now."

It hurt to say, and the saying of it didn't make the hurt less, the way words are supposed to. The emotion of the admission stayed with Cloud like a cramp in his stomach, and thank Gaia Vincent didn't react, aside from a shift of realization in his red eyes. If it had been Tifa, she would have wept, she would have hugged, and that wasn't what Cloud wanted or needed.

"Everyone is counting on me to protect the planet from him, but I..." _Can't hurt him, he's been hurt enough, no matter how much he's tried to hurt me._

After a long silence, Vincent spoke deliberately. "How much of Sephiroth did you sense, when we fought him?"

"What? I don't know. Only a little. My memories were so fractured then." Cloud remembered those events, but what he remembered most about them was being confused. "What are you getting at?"

"Sephiroth was capable of things many men are not, but he was and is a human being. When we fought him, did it seem like we were fighting a human?"

"No, but he was using Jenova."

Vincent shrugged. "Or, he is being manipulated by Jenova, and has been since the burning of Nibelheim."

"That's what Zack thinks."

"And you?"

It's what I want to believe...so how could I trust it? "That's why I can't fight him. But I can't let him hurt anyone either."

"Cloud. What do you want to do?"

"It doesn't matter, it's impossible. I'd have to fight Jenova, and she only appears through him."

"It does matter."

Now Cloud felt a trickle of wetness down his cheek; he rubbed it away, thankful for the dim light. "I want to save him. At the very least, I want to tell Sephiroth, tell him directly, that I love him, and always have."

"Does he love you?"

"Yes." _He did, at least._

"Then you know what you must do."

"But how?"

Vincent lay his gloved hand on the rocky ground. "You still hear them, don't you?"

"Them?"

"The cries of the planet. Exposure to mako, enough exposure, gives a creature this ability. You must hear them better than anyone ever has, except perhaps the Cetra. Cloud. Do you know what is the nature of our living, breathing world?"

Cloud said nothing.

"Its nature is to continue," Vincent softly went on. "When Meteor came from the dark of space, the Lifestream surged up against it. When the planet believed we were dying off, Omega awoke and tried to protect all of Gaia's life, even if doing so meant killing it. The planet wants to live. For every threat, it offers a solution, and Jenova is a threat."

"So, there must be a way to destroy her." Cloud understood. "And the way to start would be to take away her shield."

"Sephiroth's soul and consciousness are human things," Vincent said, looking somberly at Lucrecia. "If Sephiroth loves you, then he will remember that. His mind and spirit must be awakened, and perhaps that will be enough to detach him from Jenova."

"To free Sephiroth..." It seemed too good a thought to ever come true.

"Legend says that before Jenova wiped out the Cetra, she infected them with a terrible virus. They fought her, and they exist now in the Lifestream she's poisoned. They may have a way to free a soul from her clutches."

Cloud felt himself rise, without thought, though he didn't know yet where to go or what to do. "I have to talk to the Cetra. But I've only ever heard them, and faintly, I've never spoken back to them."

"Then, Cloud..." Vincent's red eyes shifted to him, and somehow the probing stare was gentle. "Are you going to try?"

As he said it, Cloud was already turning, putting his back to the gunman and the silently weeping woman. He headed for the yellow light of the cave entrance, already reaching out to the low murmur of voices that accompanied him everywhere. They were a soft din, a blur of too many noises all at once, gathering like a wind beneath Cloud's feet and carrying him. He didn't know where they would lead but knew he would follow, trusting them to bring him at last to Sephiroth. Cloud nearly floated on this promise, this hope, remembering the love he had once felt like a broken wave remembers the sea.

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The tall, lanky man took down the last of the Bandersnatches with one shot of his long-barreled gun, reloading it with a deliberate swing immediately afterward. He stood still and waited for the creature to dissolve and its glowing particles disperse and fade, though his manner was more like that of a man in prayer than a hunter ensuring the death of his quarry. A hunter was what he was, a monster-killer employed by the isolated village nearby, but those who had seen him kill wondered why it saddened him, what loss in his past had made all death a grief to him.

The wolf was gone, the woods quiet, and since the sun was setting, the man set off for home. Two days travel from Modeoheim, this area was cold and forbidding year-round, every bit of its civilization isolated. A hike from the village into the forest, down the most well-tended of its paths, led to a small, cozy-looking cabin, and the sight of it was always a welcome one. The man entered, hung his gun on a stand near the door and called out a greeting.

"Hiro."

The main room's single occupant looked up from his papers and smiled. He was handsome, his features a pleasing mixture of Wutaian and Continental, and the long hair he wore in a ponytail was black and shining in the firelight. Hiromi was the son of two scholars, and thus had been well prepared for his occupation as a teacher of reading and Wutainese to the local children and adults. The hands that shuffled his papers, though, were rough, and his almond-shaped eyes slightly wary. Like his partner, Hiromi had seen battle and its horrors, though they didn't talk about that with the villagers. They rarely even spoke of it to each other.

"You made it before dark this time. Thank you."

"Like you haven't come home late a time or two."

"It's different. I get caught up in a lesson, you're off fighting fiends."

"Mostly low-level fiends," the taller man reminded, shaking snow out of his shaggy red hair.

"Mostly."

"No match for an ex-SOLDIER."

"Shut up and come eat."

"Oh, frisky tonight."

Hiromi smirked. "I meant the stew."

"I'd rather have you."

They met in front of the fireplace, arms going around each other and lips meeting with the ease and comfort of two men who had lived together for years and learned to anticipate each other. The redhead slid his hands down Hiromi's back to below the waist and squeezed just the way he liked. A willing groan answered him, but after a few moments he was gently pushed away.

"Later. Eat, you'll need your strength."

"I like the sound of that." But he willingly spooned stew into a bowl and began to eat, chewing slowly for a while and looking at the fire before he spoke again. "How did it go today?"

"The children are better behaved than the adults. I must have explained the particle 'o' to the adult group twenty times just this week. Honestly, if they're not going to pay attention, why are they bothering to learn Wutainese?"

"It's a good sign. It shows you how much more accepting people have become. When we were SOLDIERs, how many Continentals that you knew showed any interest in learning about Wutai?"

"Very few," Hiromi conceded. He pulled the cord out of his hair and it fell loose around his shoulders, momentarily causing a sort of trance in the other man. "They were more likely to mock or attack me for being Wutaian."

"I remember."

"You remember because you stood up for me, and for the others like me." Hiromi smiled, his white face warm in the firelight. "I liked you for that...among other things."

"Like my lack of gag reflex?"

"Must you make everything crude?" But Hiromi smiled again.

"I just like getting a reaction out of you. You've gone and grown up on me, you know that?"

"Neither of us are quite the frisky boys we used to be."

The redhead, having finished his stew, pensively turned the empty bowl in his hands. "What do you think happened to the ones who died young? Do they stay the same, while we change?"

It was more serious talk than was usual, but neither, somehow, thought that was odd. The evening itself felt strange, like the air was heavier and thicker, weighted down by more than the softly falling snow. There were ghosts in the space between them and all around, and some of them had names neither man willingly, easily spoke. Hiromi left his papers and came to the couch, leaning into the warmth that slipped an arm around him.

"We lose our individual selves in the Lifestream. We dissolve into a collective whole."

"What if we don't? Or even just some of us don't?"

"I don't know. What brought this on?"

"Dunno. Maybe watching so many fiends dissolve...why do you suppose humans don't do that?"

Hiromi shrugged, as much as he could in his position. "Maybe our souls are just different. Maybe human souls dissolve invisibly."

"Is that what they believe in Wutai?"

"I grew up on the continent, remember, so I don't really know. I think most of us believe the same as your people, that the Lifestream absorbs us and we become part of it, losing our earthly personalities."

"See, I don't think I can accept this," the red-haired man said lowly. "If this is all we get as separate beings, these few years on Gaia..."

"What?"

"Then what's the meaning of our lives here? Why do we have to suffer and love and everything else if it's all meaningless in the end, or if this is just some kind of test? No. I refuse to believe we just lose each other in the ether. That can't be the goal of everything we fight for and go through."

"You remind me of one of the three heroes."

"Huh?"

"When I was little, my dad used to tell me a story about three heroes who competed with each other to serve Gaia. I think he got the story from an old saga called Loveless, which only fragments are left of."

"So tell me your version."

"I don't remember too well," Hiromi said, looking up with eyes that reflected the flames. "One hero defeated the others and became the Goddess's champion. One accepted defeat and vanished. The third chose his love of another person over the Goddess, and he was happy, but he always regretted losing his closest friends."

"I'm guessing that one's me."

"Isn't it?" Hiromi felt a hot sigh of breath against his ear. "I'm not jealous."

"What? You have no reason to be."

"I know. But Zack Fair will always be the one who got away, right, Mal?"

The redhead shifted with surprise. "You heard me say that to him?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"I knew he and I weren't meant to be. It was just - "

"Impossible not to love Zack. I know, we all did, even the ones who were jealous. I miss him too, you don't have to hide it."

"I always wondered what happened to him," Malakh said softly. "If he really died when ShinRa said he did. I knew that ShinRa must have had some part in his death. I knew I couldn't serve them anymore."

"And we've been happy since we left, right?"

"I could be happy anywhere with you."

Hiromi smiled, a hint of tiredness beginning to show on his face. "I dream about him sometimes, you know. Zack. Just every now and then."

"Me too!" Malakh laughed fondly. "Whenever I do, he's always smiling and happy, like the way he was with Commander Hewley. And he lectures me for being sad and tells me not to worry about him. Is he like that in your dreams?"

"He doesn't say anything in mine, just looks happy. But then, you were much closer to him."

"Does it mean something that we have similar dreams? Instruct me with your great wisdom, Sada-sensei."

Hiromi gently poked Malakh's stomach with a slender finger and snuggled closer. "It might be nothing. But in Wutai, at least, a congruent dream between two people is a harbinger of a great change. It means something is going to happen."

"Hmm. I wonder what it will be."

Malakh Highcliff looked pensively through the darkening air, staring at nothing, and was silent for a long time.

**To be continued.**


	3. Divergence

"Damaged people are dangerous. They know they  
can survive."  
\- Josephine Hart

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 3 - Divergence**

 

"All I'm saying..." She let the pause hang, made it purposeful. "...is that I want you to be careful."

It was what she always said, what she always wanted of him. And it was hard to give her that much, damn near impossible when trouble always found him. But she wouldn't ask for more, no matter the depths of her feeling for him...maybe never would, now that she knew about him and Sephiroth. Tifa was the only person Cloud had allowed to read Zack's manuscript, and ever since, the silences between them were more awkward than ever.

 _Well, that's why I'm trying to talk to her now, right?_ But he couldn't summon anything new or convincing.

"I'll do my best."

"I know. I know you always do. I guess it's just my nature to worry." Tifa smiled, but her eyes were deceptively probing. "How are you going to contact the Cetra?"

"I don't know yet."

"You see Aerith sometimes, right? You could ask her."

"Yeah, but I feel like I'm not supposed to wait."

"I didn't dislike her, you know."

She blurted it out, and smiled at Cloud's surprise. "I think everyone assumed I did. And I was a little...territorial. Possessive of you, even. I felt like you had forgotten me, so we were starting over, now that I was old enough to properly appreciate you. And suddenly this new girl showed up, and you seemed so comfortable with her..."

"I never forgot you. Even when I didn't remember myself."

Tifa smiled again, wistfully. "Eventually I realized that everyone felt like that around her. Even on those nights when it seemed our journey was going nowhere, she was so calm. And kind of far away. Like she was never entirely with us."

"She heard the cries of the planet."

"And now you do."

"I've been exposed to so much mako...it was inevitable."

"What do they say?"

"It's not...there's so many. It's more of a quiet roar than anything I can separate out and understand. I only know that sometimes it's soft, sometimes urgent. Sometimes scared."

"Of what?"

Cloud shrugged, a gesture she hadn't seen in a long time. "I don't know. What's happening to the planet. Jenova."

"Sephiroth?" Tifa dropped her gaze to the floor, hoping doing so would make his pain somehow less. "Now that I know what he was to you, it all makes a strange kind of sense."

"Is."

"What?"

"What he is to me." Now Cloud was the one averting his eyes from the hurt that flashed over her face.

"And you think you can rescue him somehow?"

He didn't answer. Tifa was too much a fighter to accept as uncertain and negative a reply as the "Probably not" Cloud was gloomily thinking.

"But you've got to try. I know you do. I want you to. Because..." Her eyes glistened a little, but she blinked the tears away, as she usually did for him. "Because I don't think anything less than Sephiroth can really make you as happy as you deserve."

"Tifa..."

She laughed. "I knew you had a thing for him when we were kids. Just...wow. I didn't expect this."

"I understand that you hate him. You should. I should."

Tifa said nothing for a moment. "Zack seemed to think Jenova was controlling Sephiroth."

"He still thinks so. And I...I don't know. I want to agree."

"But you read Zack's story. Jenova controls everyone she gets into, to some extent. I mean..." Her face colored slightly. "The stuff that Angeal guy did to him."

"They're together now. Happy."

"Because it was Jenova making him do that stuff, right?"

"So, therefore, it's okay for me to be with Sephiroth? Is that what you mean?"

"You deserve to be happy, Cloud. You really do."

"Jenova's in me too."

"But you're stronger than her. Like Zack was."

A flash came, a flood of sense memory. The inn in Nibelheim, Cloud laying on the bed with Zack's head bobbing between his thighs. It had been Jenova, he realized now, had been a sort of unwilling abuse, but at the time, Zack's love and concern had been an achor pulling him back to earth. Genesis's bite had showed him awful things, and the nightmarish visions had been hard to shake off.

The images threatened to rise up in vivid color - the angry man, the boy's hurt and rage. _I don't want to see, not again, not now._

"Cloud?"

"I don't know why Zack was influenced so little by her."

"Well, he was in love. Like you."

"So was Angeal."

"And Sephiroth." Tifa cupped her chin in one hand and leaned on the bar counter between them. "I wish we knew more about the experiments done on the three of them. Maybe they're the reason they were so vulnerable to Jenova. I feel bad for...well, all of them, not just Angeal. I can't imagine growing up like that. Especially Sephiroth. Damn Hojo, I wish we could beat him into the ground again."

"I hope we don't have to."

"And we can't even be sure, can we?" Tifa laughed mirthlessly. Hollowly. "The dead just don't stay dead."

"They go out of their bodies," Cloud said, remembering Aerith broken and still, Aerith alive in a world of white light. "Just out. Not away, not really."

"I don't want you to do either. Ever."

"I may not be aging, but I am mortal, you know."

"I know. I just meant - "

"Be careful. I know."

"Cloud." Tifa's serious face looked thin and drawn suddenly, older than she really was. "Marlene said something strange. I don't know if it means anything."

"What?"

"That a bad man with a long sword has been coming into people's dreams. A man who makes fire."

"Sephiroth."

Tifa smiled thinly. "You're supposed to ask Gaia to make him go away."

Gaia, the Goddess, weaver of life-dreams and planets. Her name had always invoked a feeling of warmth in Cloud, and recently, the recollection of being cradled by her in the confusion of mako poisoning. The memory of her arms led to Sephiroth's, the dim remembrance of the transport to Nibelheim and touch that had banished the sick feeling from Cloud's body. Even in sleep, he had clung to Sephiroth, as though he knew somehow the man would be torn shortly away.

"I don't want to make him go. The dreams of him are...but I'd rather be hurt by them than not see him at all."

"Do you think...you're the reason he keeps coming back?" Cloud's silence was all the answer she needed. "Cloud...when the time comes, I'll help you fight him, or help you protect him. Whichever you choose."

"Tifa..."

"Let's make a new promise. If you're ever in trouble, I'll come save you, like you did for me."

Tifa held out her pinky, the way they used to seal agreements as children in Nibelheim. Cloud hooked his own smallest finger around hers and nodded, his throat feeling too full for words. Her hand closed around his, and he let it hold on to him for a little while, absorbing its warmth. As the whispers of the dead surrounded him, Cloud allowed himself to be comforted by the living.

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_I see it in my waking dreams, and I know Cloud sees it too, from the memory that I showed him when I fed from him. The cave that shuts out the Banoran sky, the rock walls with shadows that looked almost human. In my mind it is unchanged by time, and I am an arrogant child pretending the dark holds no fear. I am ten years old, and I want the prestige of finding Sephiroth while the others run around frantically. I care less about their concern than I do the chance to spend a few moments alone with Sephiroth._

_I knew he'd be here, somehow, it was fitting that he stroll with impunity into a lonely and sacred place. But it surprised me to find him standing not in shadow but in blue water-light, facing the old statue that had been there longer than my village's living memory. A relic of an ancient and superstitious past, the grown-ups said, an old shrine to something older, and that was all. But I knew Her for the Goddess at once, felt Her presence faintly in the damp air._

_I hadn't expected Sephiroth, brilliantly logical Seph, to sense anything, but I know he did, though he would never talk about it afterward. He was smaller than me then, but facing her he seemed to shrink further, as though in fear of whatever he was seeing or hearing or thinking. I got close enough to catch confusion in his silver eyes, then the polite mask went up, and he spoke in half his usual voice._

_"I thought I heard something, but I must have been mistaken."_

_"Maybe it was Her." I gestured to the old statue, pleased for once to know more about something than he did. "This is Gaia, the great Goddess."_

_"There are no gods." Even then, it made me sad to hear him parrot Hojo. "Humans create stories of mythical deities to explain what they cannot rationalize with science."_

_"There are plenty of things science can't explain." I gazed at him with more longing, I'm certain, than most children are capable of, hoping he would understand._

_But Sephiroth only looked at me with a searching puzzlement. "I think I have heard that before. Someone said it to me, long ago, but who..."_

_He was sad; it was never an easy feeling to detect in him, but we were close enough. "Do you want to make a wish? I bet She can hear us even better in here."_

_"A wish?"_

_"You know. Think of something you want more than anything else, and tell Her what it is in your mind."_

_Just to humor me, maybe, Sephiroth stared at the stone figure for several moments without blinking. "Is that all?"_

_"Now we wait for it to come true."_

_"Remaining in this place will not allow me to determine whether or not it will."_

_He turned mechanically and began to step toward the light of the entrance. I don't know what caused a sudden panic in me and made me reach out to stop him. There was just something there, in the air, in the rocky walls around us, that made me feel a closeness to Sephiroth I feared I'd never know again. He looked down at my hand on his arm, and continued to stare until I released him._

_"Don't go yet." I wanted so much to hold him, even then. Angeal had stopped making him endure hugs long before; I never would. "Stay with me a little longer."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because my wish was that you would."_

_"Now that you have found me, is it not a rule of the game that I return to the counting place?"_

_"Forget the game."_

_"You and Angeal said it is important that I play games that do not directly relate to military training."_

_"Angeal's full of it," I said, rather sulkily. "This game is as much about tactics as any of the others."_

_"Ah. Is that how you were able to find me?"_

_"No, the Goddess guided me here. She guided both of us." So I can tell you I love you, I wanted to say, but the words stuck in my throat. I didn't want to sound like my lying father or my weak mother._

_"Do you hear her?"_

_"Of course. Do you?" I was such a jealous little brat, I prayed he'd say no._

_He said nothing. We stood together like petitioners before Her altar, I in silent awe of him, and he...what Sephiroth was thinking or feeling, I still don't know even after all these years. Maybe Jenova was speaking to him as she did sometimes to me, urging him away from the statue of her opposite. That could be why he looked uncomfortable, but then he often did. I used to wonder what Sephiroth - perfect, special Sephiroth - had to be sad about._

_"Our lengthy absence may cause the others distress. We should return."_

_I grabbed his arm again, and he looked down again, with that same puzzled stare. Once Sephiroth had been taught not to be rough with us, he'd become over-careful, holding back his instinctive reactions to shove or pull away. He didn't move until my other hand was on his cheek, reaching into his hair to rest on the back of his neck. Then he blinked, and his eyes were like a startled animal's as they met mine. I had no technique at all at that age, I barely understood what I wanted from him, but a force stronger than gravity was pulling me. I leaned down, angling my lips to pursue a collision course with his, and he stepped back, knocking my hand away. For a blow from Sephiroth it was gentle, but to me it was devastating. I imagined the whole cave echoed with it. And then -_

_"You can't." He turned and faced the entrance. "No one else is allowed."_

_Seph. I swear on my love for you, which is greater than any Goddess, that I didn't know what you meant. It wouldn't be until a year later, when I saw through a keyhole something I didn't understand, that Hojo told me special boys need more attention than others. I wish I could go back to that moment and see his lie, but I believed it, and it worked its way under my skin, that belief. It paved the path of my life from that day on. It made me into something able to hurt Angeal's Puppy, and Zack's little friend. It stopped me from fighting my father when I was fourteen and we were alone in the house, and he pushed me onto the bed and said I was old enough to do this now, I'd probably done it with plenty of SOLDIERs._

_I never told Angeal about that. I was too ashamed to admit I hadn't fought, that I had only ever wanted his attention and didn't dare complain when I got it. But Seph, until I drank from you and felt your sickness and loathing, Hojo's lie remained intact for me. Only Puppy shook it, once, the day I pulled Angeal's Jenova-polluted body off of him. You ripped it apart with the memories you showed me, you made me remember so many frightened boys. Too many. And myself, the weakest of them all._

_If I could go back to that day, to the cave, with what I know now, I would see how wounded Sephiroth was from the very beginning of our friendship. I would vow never to hurt him myself, at least. But Jenova's favorite game is to make us hurt what we love most, so maybe knowledge would have changed nothing between us. Maybe all I could do, all I could ever do, was scamper after you back into the sunlight, where Angeal was waiting to scold us. I only ever wanted to be with you, even if it meant being second-best. Now I listen to the voices that reach out to me, and wonder if they can bring me to you at last._

_Sephiroth..._

__

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"Are you sure you won't have a cookie?" The woman, though still attractive, had been aged by worry over many years, and looked older than she sounded and was. "You liked them last time you were here."

"I still do, ma'am - "

"Alaine, please."

"Alaine. I make them for my partner whenever he gets annoyed with me, and we're still partners, so I thank you for that."

"And I you." Alaine Fair smiled sadly; it was an expression Reno vaguely remembered from his own mother. "Really. I think we both have known for some time that Zack must be...gone. He would have contacted us otherwise. I wish ShinRa had told us sooner, but really. I'm grateful to you."

As she spoke, Jared Fair returned from the adjoining room he'd excused himself to several minutes earlier; the reason was made obvious by his reddened eyes. He sat back down and wordlessly took his wife's hand, and the sight of him made Reno's knotted stomach twist further. The man was handsome, more rugged than his delicately pretty son, but there was resemblance enough in the head of dark spikes and the shape of his frowning mouth.

Reno spoke again, looking at the table between them to avoid the couple's painful kindness. "I'm so sorry you were never notified earlier. The old ShinRa began to fall apart after the mission at Nibelheim, and somehow, not all the death notifications were made. Because of this unforgivable oversight, and because I counted your son one of my dearest friends, I thought it only proper I come here myself."

"Zack wanted to be a hero, you know." It was the first time Jared had spoken since his initial greeting to Reno, and from the choked sound of his voice, one might have assumed he hadn't talked in years. "At least he got what he wanted. Dying while trying to stop a madman from destroying a village, that's..."

"Zack was a hero, sir. Both in life and death."

"He always wanted to be. Wanted to protect everyone. When he was little he always used to run around with his toy sword, fighting invisible armies."

The man's voice broke, and Alaine put her arm around her husband to keep him steady. Looking at them, Reno could easily see them younger and strong, chasing after a black-haired boy who laughed and played and didn't know he was destined to be betrayed by ShinRa, to die for nothing. For a moment, Reno wished he had allowed Tseng to come with him here, though now that he was grown up he felt he shouldn't want his old father figure's shoulder to cry on.

"He was happy with ShinRa, wasn't he?" Alaine was asking.

"Yes, ma'am, and he was loved. His superiors looked after him, and all the younger SOLDIERs looked up to Zack. The SOLDIER program came apart after it lost Zack and Sephiroth."

"Sephiroth." Jared's mouth twisted, as tohugh that name tasted bad. "We heard that he was the cause of the Meteorfall crisis."

"Yes, sir, though we believe he may not have been acting of his own volition."

"Did Sephiroth kill my son?"

"No, sir." Reno prayed that he wouldn't be pressed for details, for more reasons to lie. At least this was a truth he could give them. "Zack was one of Sephiroth's few friends, probably his closest."

"He must have been happy," Alaine murmured. "Zack looked up to Sephiroth...at least, to Sephiroth as he must have been, years ago."

"If not for Sephiroth, our boy would have stayed here where he belonged and been safe."

"Dear, Zack always wanted more adventure than Gongaga has to offer, ever since he could walk. Sephiroth may be to blame for many things, but not taking Zack from us."

"Sephiroth set the fires in Nibelheim, didn't he? And that's where Zack..."

"Sephiroth was being controlled by an alien intelligence," Reno broke in. ShinRa considered this a theory, no more, but Reno knew better, and besides, the couple's gentle bickering was beginning to remind him of his own parents. "We believe that, if Sephiroth is still alive, he's probably still subject to its manipulations."

"That sweet boy keeps stopping him, though," Alaine said with a weak smile. "The one who visited us years ago."

"Cloud is our best hope against Sephiroth, yes. Don't worry, I've seen Strife fight. The planet will be safe as long as he's around." Reno put his hands under the table and clutched at his shaking knees. "I think you should know that Zack was kind of Cloud's mentor. Taught him a lot."

"Our Zack left a legacy behind," Jared murmured. "I'd rather have my boy back...but that's something. Thank you."

 _It's something, but it's not enough, nothing ever will be. Even if I could tell you the truth, that Zack had a great love in his life, and that he now lives, immortal, in a magnification of that love._ Reno had learned, both before Tseng and then under his guidance, not to speak openly of his precognitive gifts, that it was dangerous to do so. This lesson kept his mouth shut but made him unhappy, until Alaine Fair looked at him with a strange, calm clarity and said:

"We believe, we know, that Zack is part of the Lifestream now, and that when it's our time, we'll be reunited with him there."

Out of a suddenly dry mouth Reno whispered "I believe that too."

He stood up without thinking about what he was doing, and felt like he moved mechanically toward the door. Jared and Alaine walked with him, offering him thanks for his visit and requests that he come back anytime. Reno only made it one step past the creaky wooden doorway before a hand gently tugged him back, and he turned to find Alaine's face, apologetic but determined. Her eyes were dark, not Zack's color, but the shape was the same, and the earnest hope.

"I don't know if Zack ever told you, dear...I was trained as a healer when I was young, and folk around here still come to me, sometimes, with their ailments."

Reno nodded, though he hadn't known.

"The children have been having nightmares. Always the same thing - a beautiful man with a long sword, and fire."

"Children are..." Reno almost stopped, out of pity for her, and for Jared who looked lost in the conversation between them. "Children are closer to the Lifestream than we are. They sense things before we do."

"Then it's true." Alaine touched the hand of her husband's arm that looped around her. "The Nightmare will come back."

"If he does, Cloud will stop him. That's what heroes are for. Anyway...sometimes dreams are only dreams."

She smiled, and the expression eased the pain in her eyes. "Tell Cloud to come see us when he has time. We would love to know him."

Reno waved to them when he reached the village's main path, then again a few times until he was out of sight. He wondered if Zack had left his home this way, turning his back to teary farewells. Or if, as the SOLDIER had hinted, he'd snuck away without goodbyes, as Reno had fled his own very different home. Reno could sense Zack strongly in the air here and realized his spirit must visit often, though there was no sign of him now.

Zack wasn't here, but something else was coming. It was rare to feel a vision approaching early enough to do anything about it, and the only thing he could do was run, race down the path toward the motorcycle and the welcome sight of his partner. Rude hurried the rest of the way to him, and grasped Reno's forearms with his huge, warm hands. The younger jerked but Rude kept him still, spasmed upward to sway on his toes but Rude steadied him.

Rude's silence usually said enough, but even so he broke it to say "I'm here. You're all right" with quiet confidence.

Reno's head wrenched upward, pointing a bulging green stare at the sky, and his mouth hung open to croak urgent, pained noises. The visions had gotten more violent, and to make matters worse, they had not become any clearer. Images struck Reno's brain lightning-fast, like someone was rapidly flipping the pages of a photo book. Blur after infuriating blur, punctured by the occasional clear image. A man to whom darkness clung like a vapor. Cloud pale and still, barely alive enough to breathe. The science labs Reno went to daily, the locked rooms opened to his precognitive mind, the figures in tubes and the vats of green. On the heels of an oncoming headache came inspiration, and he knew all at once what the scientists were trying to do.

"Bastards," Reno gasped, before his consciousness gave out and he dropped limply into Rude's arms.

__

scscscsc

"You are being very bold."

Rufus snorted cynically. "I can't tell for sure whether that's a compliment, but I'm guessing not."

"Merely an observation. I know that, however highly you may think of me, my opinions have little bearing upon your decisions."

"I do think highly of you, and I appreciate you more than my father did. Did you ever warn him he was being bold?"

"Rolf Shinra never tried to hide questionable scientific experiments from his precognitive boyfriend," Tseng said pointedly.

They were standing on the roof of ShinRa's new headquarters. None of the balconies below were yet finished to the point of safety, but the air was too clear to resist at the end of the day. It always amazed Tseng how little Edge smelled like Midgar, and how the setting sun's shadows made the ruined city look like a foreboding circle of mountains. Reno said one day the whole mass would be covered with flowering green, and Tseng liked to imagine that, imagine the darkness of their pasts redeemed by something living.

It was a funny series of words to hear in Tseng's even voice, but Rufus nodded seriously. "I know it seems ridiculous. But I don't want to burden him with any more stress."

"Reno won't thank you for that."

"If he forgave me for nearly getting the planet destroyed," Rufus said softly, "he'll forgive me withholding some information."

"Reno is very proud of New ShinRa and its supposed openness. Perhaps you just don't want to disillusion him."

"Perhaps. If dreams and hopes are the same as illusions."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, sir?"

"No."

A line of sunlight pierced a cloud overhead and shone its golden ray straight onto the president. The illumination marked the weariness in his eyes, the premature beginning of wrinkles on his not-yet-thirty-year-old face.

"Tseng. You won't tell him."

"I wouldn't know which confidence to break first."

"I do trust you. I just know what Reno means to you."

"And I you. I question your actions, but I know your intentions are good."

"They aren't the only thing that matters." Rufus saw a question beginning in Tseng's eyes and pre-empted it. "Just something Reno said. How do you know I'm not the power-crazed fool I was just after Father died?"

"If you were, you would not call yourself a fool."

"I saw the planet dead, Tseng."

The head Turk started at that, then went still, waiting.

"When Weapon destroyed the Kurasai Building and I came so close to death I could feel the Lifestream filling up my lungs. I drifted for a while in pain before I came back to myself, and I don't honestly know if what I saw was a vision like Reno has or only a nightmare. But the planet was dead, and ShinRa helped make it that way. If the planet dies, so will Reno, and it's as simple as that. I'm not the great humanitarian Reeve thinks I am. I'm only doing all I can to protect the one I love."

"It's enough, sir," Tseng said, and seemed to mean it.

"But you fear my methods are wrong."

"I fear that lab." A chill whipped through Tseng, making him shake slightly in his dark suit. "I hate the smell and the look of it, and knowing it was a place like that that made Sephiroth, that tortured Zack and Cloud and would have done the same to Reno. I hate seeing him in there. And I think you've filled those rooms with things and people we can't trust."

"Kanawa is not like Hojo. I made sure of that."

"I know, sir."

"As for the girl, she was instrumental in the fall of DeepGround. She risked her life defecting to our side."

"You vouch for Kanawa, Valentine vouched for Shelke," Tseng conceded. "That's enough."

"It's what they're doing that has you on edge, then."

"I think some weapons are better left lost."

"We'll see. It's a long shot anyway, you can always hope we won't succeed."

"I do," Tseng said seriously, and Rufus gave a short laugh.

"I've let you stall long enough, Tseng. You have your orders."

"Yes, sir. Please note that though I accept this mission, I object to it in the strongest possible terms."

"Noted."

"Reno probably won't forgive either of us for it."

The threat loomed upon them in the twilight dim, heavy like a fog that comes out of nowhere. Rufus turned away and clasped his hands behind his back, a politician gesture learned from his father, now made weary by the slump of the young man's shoulders. And he really was young...Tseng sometimes forgot that, the way he forgot Reno was no longer a child.

"I can live with that."

Whether it was truthful or not, Rufus had made the choice for both of them. Tseng bowed briefly and headed for the stairs, heart heavy beneath his wind-whipped clothes. Alone now, Rufus looked out unhappily into the distance, willing his apology to travel the breeze and reach their target. Against his long white coat, the president's clasped hands shook with fear that he might be wrong, and self-disgust either way.

**To be continued.**


	4. Machinations

"The leaves of memory seemed to make  
A mournful rustling in the dark."  
\- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 4 - Machinations**

 

No one seemed to be stirring yet when Cloud awoke before sunrise, dressed silently and slung First Tsurugi onto his back. Tifa would rise soon, she always got up early to get the bar downstairs ready for customers, but there was no sign of her yet, only the soft sound of steady breathing as Cloud passed her door. He sensed someone as he moved toward the back door, and continued warily. But the sight that greeted him was not a cause for concern, just a surprise.

"Marlene? What are you doing up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep." She said it matter-of-factly, while pushing her empty cereal bowl away and sliding off her chair. "What about you? You're not leaving again, are you?"

"I just have some things to do."

"Usually, when you say that, you don't come back for a long time, or after you fight someone. Are you going to fight?"

"Not this time."

She didn't look relieved. Actually, in her nearly-outgrown nightgown and childishly serious expression, she looked like a small version of Tifa, daring Cloud to try to pull one over on her. Marlene, though shielded as much as possible from the horrors they had faced, had lived most of her life with danger close by. She didn't cry or show fear, even when Denzel did, and obeyed her surrogate mother and uncles almost without question. All she seemed to want in return was to keep her unconventional family together, and Cloud felt sad that he couldn't guarantee even that for her.

"Are you sneaking out because you don't want Tifa to know?"

"No, of course not." It was partly true; after their conversation, Tifa would be expecting him to leave.

"I can tell her where you're going, if you tell me."

"That's okay, Marlene."

"Tell me anyway," she said with a pout. "If you don't have to fight someone, why won't you stay?"

Cloud sank into one of the empty chairs at the table; only then did Marlene sit back down. Her feet could almost touch the floor, Cloud noted absently. She and Denzel were always busy growing up, whether he was around or not.

"It's not as simple as just fighting."

"You said that before, when you and Denzel were sick."

Marlene was referring to the Geostigma, gone for over a year now but not forgotten. At the time, Cloud had stoically been more focused on Denzel's suffering than his own, but it had been terrible. Burning pain, flashes of unfamiliar scenes, the poisonous lull of a dark female voice. Things Cloud hadn't understood until he read Zack's memoir, Zack's gift of restored memory.

"That time...it was about fighting, about the need to fight," Cloud said, hesitating a little. "I told you it wasn't because...I didn't want to admit I was afraid."

"Of what? Did you think you wouldn't be able to protect us?"

Her answer was close enough to the truth to surprise him. "I was afraid I would make a mistake, and lose someone else."

She looked at him solemnly, expecting more. Cloud wondered how he'd let himself get drawn into venting his worries on a child, but knew Marlene wouldn't let him go until he explained. She was very like Tifa and Barret, as though they were natural rather than adoptive parents.

"Marlene, sometimes things happen, awful things, that can't be taken back or changed. I don't want to see any more awful things. I don't want to be the cause of them."

"Aerith said it's not your fault she died. She told me that at the church, when you cured Denzel with her magic water. Anyway, she's part of the planet now, and she's happy. She and the nice man were smiling when they left."

"You-You saw him?"

"Uh-huh. You did too, right?"

"He did look happy, didn't he?"

"Because you were smiling," Marlene said. "You don't smile enough."

"I'm sorry." He tried a smile, for her, but it came out weak. "It's just hard for me to forgive myself. I've made so many mistakes."

"Is that why you fight to protect the planet?"

"I do that because my friends are part of this planet, both the living and the dead."

"But you're not gonna fight this time?"

"This time..." Cloud wasn't sure what to say, how much truth would suffice to relieve both of them. "Marlene, you know how I can't remember a lot of my past?"

"Uh-huh."

"I've started to remember recently. And one of the things I realized is that what I've been fighting actually needs my help."

"Is it the man who makes fire? The one with the long sword?"

"Tifa told me you dreamed about him. Yes, that's him. Sephiroth."

Surprising him, Marlene smiled. "I knew it! I told Aren the man didn't mean to be bad, but he wouldn't believe me."

"What? How did you know?"

"Because he looks angry, but really he's sad. So how come he did bad things, if he's not bad?"

"A very bad thing is controlling him. If I have to fight anything, I want it to be that. If I can at least free Sephiroth from it, he'll stop trying to hurt the planet."

Marlene brightened, and swung her feet energetically beneath the table. "So he's under a spell, like the princess who went to sleep for a hundred years 'cause a witch cursed her? And you can wake him up?"

Cloud felt a moment of almost giddy lightness at the thought of Sephiroth as a storybook princess. "I'm going to try."

"Can't Tifa and Daddy help? They like to help you fight."

"Not this time. This is something I have to do on my own...do you understand?"

"Because you're the only one who can break the spell? Like the prince?"

"Yeah. Something like that." Cloud got up and adjusted his sword, careful of its size and awkwardness in the relative smallness of the room. "I have to get going, Marlene."

She bolted up, ran and hugged him suddenly. Marlene had only done this a few times, her child's intuition having told her Cloud didn't particularly like being touched. He felt calmed by the gesture now, though, and smoothed her hair and held her little shoulder until she backed away and put on a brave face. He briskly strode to the back door, opened it to let the sunrise in, and paused when Marlene spoke up.

"Cloud? I know you're not a prince, but I think you're a great hero."

Cloud was half a block from the bar before he felt the wetness in his eyes, and lifted his face into the morning wind to dry them.

__

scscscsc

"Commencing dive."

Dr. Kanawa had grown used to Shelke's emotionless voice. At the beginning of their collaboration, he found it somewhat eerie, and the girl-woman hard to read. He had access to the DeepGround files and so was familiar with her story, and since she had come to New ShinRa of her own free will and proved so helpful, Kanawa had overcome his initial unease. Shelke was an adult woman, though imprisoned in a child's body, and without her, this aspect of his work would be impossible.

This particular room was large, the main work-room of the restricted laboratories, as the doctor liked to have at least samples of all his experiments in one area. Also, although these labs were themselves known only to a handful of people, among those, it was a New ShinRa policy that there be openness. No more secret projects, no more turning a blind eye to the head scientist's doings. Rufus did not have the kind of twisted ambitions his father had, the desire to make better warriors no matter what the human cost. Sephiroth had been born out of such dark dreams, and no one could deny the steep price the planet had paid.

 _And DeepGround...DeepGround started out as a medical facility for wounded SOLDIERs,_ Kanawa thought, casting a somber glance at Shelke. Not much documentation had survived, but enough to know that the innocent wounded had been handed over to Hojo by the dozens for his lesser-known areas of study. Few enough to pass unnoticed, covered by lies of death in action or desertion, but their numbers were supplemented by countless civilians...obtained from where, no one seemed to know. (Tseng had answered Kanawa's predictable question with a hard grimace and a murmur that he didn't know what might have been done during his predecessor Veld's term.) Men, women...and children. Shelke alone represented what might have been hundreds.

_Not alone. Not technically._

The three large, cylindrical mako tubes that stood in the center of the left wall were impossible for anyone to miss. The three figures immersed in mako solution were inert, not even blinking their open eyes or bobbing languidly within the fluid, but they were alert-looking, so perfectly human, that they seemed like any minute they'd climb out of their tanks, coughing up green sputum and rakishly tossing wet auburn hair. Kanawa and his employees worked each day under the watchful eyes of three Genesis Rhapsodos clones. Kanawa had come to regard them as an outer manifestation of his conscience, a reminder of the oath he had taken as a doctor.

_Whenever possible, do no harm._

And so, he had tried. He had inherited many other specimens besides these, many more monster than human, and all clearly suffering in their unnatural existence. These had been mercifully euthanised, and all that remained were subjects that seemed to be unaware of all that happened to and around them. Whether or not one could even call them alive was debatable, but nonetheless they were kept nourished, mako-ed and as comfortable as possible. As for the one who seemed the least conscious...Kanawa cast a brief, wary glance at an isolated door and felt the impulse to shiver.

_As long as it remains contained..._

"This is amazing," a voice murmured, breaking into Kanawa's reverie. He looked and saw that it was Dr. Lowland, who was monitoring Shelke's progress.

"What is?"

"That she's able to sort through and even catalogue data so quickly." The gleam in Lowland's eyes reminded Kanawa that the man was a history buff. "Even if we don't accomplish the objective, the information we gather about the Cetra will be priceless."

The elder scientist smiled in a paternal manner. "Knowledge of our past can only benefit the future we're building."

"Yes, sir." Lowland looked quickly at the row of floating clones; it was a rare worker who didn't feel his eyes constantly drawn to them. "Sir, do you really think we can bring...him back?"

"I don't know. Hojo was a madman, but I have to admit there's some merit to his Reunion theory. According to the intel we have, every surviving subject injected with S cells was drawn like a magnet to Sephiroth."

"Sir, I fail to see what Hojo was hoping to gain by proving that."

"Maybe nothing more than the knowledge that where Jenova's cells are implanted, the host is connected to and susceptible to her consciousness," Kanawa guessed.

"Correct." Shelke's toneless voice surprised them; they turned to see her lifting the VR helmet from her head. "But Hojo himself was no more than a pawn in the Calamity's workings."

Neither man quite understood, but it wasn't unusual for Shelke to say strange things just after returning from a dive. Her work put her so close to - indeed, inside of - the memories of the dead that she sometimes seemed to momentarily lose herself in their thought processes. Shelke usually dismissed her strange speeches when asked about them, but this time didn't wait for questions, slipping the helmet back on.

"You should take a break," Kanawa suggested.

"I am fine."

It was as he expected. Vincent Valentine had warned them Shelke felt a need to atone for her past and would push herself harder than was necessary or healthy. Of course, in the same breath the mysterious man had said there would be no use trying to stall or dissuade her.

"Commencing dive."

The monitor beside her reclining chair blinked rapidly, its displayed map of the continent shrinking to narrow in on the area of land surrounding Mideel and its nearby villages. Bright green dots on the image indicated the location of stationery pockets of mako, the fruit of much tedious scouting work combined with knowledge the company had obtained long ago. The Lifestream itself was ever-shifting, always moving, reminding Kanawa of the old adage that you can't step into the same river twice. But in those places where the Lifestream became a mako deposit or fountain, the circling mass of energy continued to replenish these spots.

In the old days, ShinRa technicians and adventurers harvested what would become materia from these sources. Now they provided a new advantage, telling Shelke exactly where to look for - 

"Outta my way!"

"Sir, please, you need special authorization - "

"Like hell!"

The few scientists who had tried to bar the door timidly slunk back; they were not fighters, and even the most capable among them knew it was a battle already lost. Without needing to look, Kanawa knew the lab security guards would be unconscious but unharmed on the floor outside, incapacitated with an ease and skill that was second nature to any good Turk. They all stood dumbstruck and helpless among the computer panels and petrie dishes - except Shelke who seemed unaware of the disturbance - and watched Reno heave quietly in the doorway with burning eyes. He seemed to be so enraged that he couldn't catch his breath.

"You!" The hot green glare made Kanawa wince. "I trusted you! I thought you were different!"

"Reno, you weren't supposed to see any of this yet, but since you have, let me explain."

"There's no need, doc." Reno spat what formerly had been an affectionate nickname. "It happened again. I saw the samples and injections and the dark man, and I know what you're trying to do."

A faint murmur of surprise went through the room. Reno didn't discuss his visions with many of the lab staff, so few had known from experience how accurate they were.

"Reno," Kanawa said calmly, "when we met, I promised you I would not follow the cruel ways of my predecessor. We're merely - "

"How can you say you're not like Hojo?! Are you telling me you aren't raising the dead for your own sense of achievement, that you have some noble reason for it? Intention matters, doc, but it don't mean shit if you're risking the planet for the sake of science."

"I'm trying to save the planet, Reno," the doctor said simply. "Maybe I'm wrong. But I believe this is our best hope for survival."

" _Survival?_ Sephiroth wants to destroy us all! How will you save us by bringing him back?!"

Kanawa's mouth dropped open. "Sephiroth? You think we're trying to resurrect Sephiroth?"

Reno's jaw worked uselessly for a few moments as he himself was taken aback. "Y-You're not? But you're trying to pull someone out of the Lifestream, I felt it."

"Genesis, Reno. We're trying to revive Genesis Rhapsodos."

__

scscscsc

"Zack..."

Cloud had meant more, so much more, to follow that sacred word, but the name seemed to take his breath with it, escaping into the cliff-high wind. Far below him, the ruins of Midgar were slowly being absorbed into the land around them. If Zack's vision was right, one day the burnt-out shell where Cloud had pursued his childish dreams would become a mass of verdant green life.

"I wish I could see that, like you did. But maybe I've never been close enough to death. Is that it, Zack? Does the Lifestream know when you're close to joining it, and show you something comforting?"

Cloud had approached annihilation himself many times, so many that he no longer feared death, rather thought of it as a comrade who walked patiently by his side. However much Hojo had slowed Cloud's aging process, he knew he was not immortal, felt his own human fragility in the reflective moments between battles. One day he would face a better opponent, or meet an unforeseen accident, or else his body would simply give out. One way or another, the Lifestream and his fallen friends awaited Cloud. Death was a promise as serious and solemn as the one he'd made to Tifa, in that innocent time when they'd both dreamed of heroes.

"Zack..."

The spirit of his best friend and mentor didn't always come when called, and Cloud didn't expect him to now. Location had no bearing on whether he showed up either...Cloud had merely mounted Fenrir and found himself heading this way, to the shrine of two dead men who had passed their hopes on to Cloud. The Buster Sword's blade gleamed dully in the midday sun, the relic of many battles, the symbol of a legacy inherited.

"I am...the proof you existed." It came out nearly as weak and tired as the first time he'd said those words in this place. "Zack, no one person is big enough to carry what you were. But I've tried. I'm trying."

He thought of Zack's face in death, rain washing away the mud and blood, the peace that came over it when he at last went still. It was only natural - Zack had told him recently how he was quickly reunited with Angeal, how he had accepted the end with faith that only good lay beyond it. Cloud's mere brushes with death had brought Zack to him, and Aerith, the lost comrades in whose name he fought, but what about Cloud's true death, when it came? If it came now, there would be no happy ending, no reunion with the missing half of his heart.

_Because Sephiroth can't die, unless I kill him._

"I won't kill him," Cloud said with quiet intensity. "I won't fight Jenova again while she wears him as a mask. I promised I'd save him for you, Zack, Angeal. For us. And I will. I'm just not sure how yet."

Faint voices, whispers whipped past him on the desert-dry wind, coming from below the earth as they always did, almost incomprehensible as they always were. Now and then a single voice would say something clearly, and Cloud always listened for it. It was encouraging in battle, unswerving in moments of doubt, and cryptic and vague as it was all-encompassing in its love. It reminded Cloud of his mother; it was the Goddess-mother he'd known since his life's beginning.

_Whoever knows love knows Me, it whispered now, and Cloud felt his heart swell like a balloon. Make your intention love alone, and you will not fail._

It wasn't an answer, Gaia didn't give those. She chose her heroes and their successors and let life play out, trusting that they do the best they could. She had chosen Sephiroth, and he had been lost. Now it fell to his heir to set things right, and maybe all the hours of pain and darkness had been necessary, maybe every possible path led to Cloud rescuing Sephiroth. Because only he could do it, and Gaia would keep him alive until it was done.

Cloud's brilliant eyes widened, reflecting the same blue as the sky on the Buster Sword's blade. From a kneeling position he rose with a resigned grace to his feet, and stared out into the distance in awe. How had the answer not come to him sooner? His life was both charmed and cursed, his existence assured until he played the role assigned to him. There was a way to speak to the Cetra directly, and - like so many others - it was a thing Cloud alone could dare attempt.

"And if I'm wrong," Cloud whispered into the golden air, "you'll come for me, right, Zack? Just like you promised."

No spoken answer came, only an infusion of strength into Cloud's heart-weary limbs and a surge of hope in his soul. Cloud made himself go still, feeling gratitude for this, and listened a little longer. Angeal's voice came then, clearer than it had ever been.

_Wherever you go, we are with you._

__

scscscsc

Reno felt like his feet had been fused to the floor, which was just as well since he wasn't certain which he wanted to do - run at the scientist with fists flying or collapse to the ground in laughter. 

"Genesis? Genesis Rhapsodos? Are you fuckin' kidding me? Have you even read the fucker's file? He was a fuckin' serial killer!"

Kanawa let the barrage of angry swears pass over him with hardly a blink. "I am familiar with all the files ShinRa kept on Genesis."

"And you want to bring him back?!"

"Reno, please sit down and I'll explain." The Turk made no move to sit, and Kanawa sighed. "How much do you know about Project G and Genesis's origins?"

"I dunno, Project G was the experiment Genesis was a product of and he grew up in Banora with Commander Hewley."

"Yes, essentially, but when you look at all the information we have on Genesis, especially the classified files we uncovered after DeepGround's defeat, a very sad picture emerges."

"I read Zack's memoir too, doc. A lot of us begin our lives with crappy home situations," Reno said coldly, "and we don't all become psychos."

"Mayor Rhapsodos and his wife were friends of Dr. Hollander's," Kanawa said, as placidly as if Reno'd said nothing. "They were approached by ShinRa's science department to take part in Project G, and agreed because the prospect of having a famous warrior son might bring them acclaim as well. The first fetus conceived by Eva Rhapsodos was female, and thus judged a mistake. An abortion was performed, and I don't think the woman's mind ever recovered."

Reno went very still, though not - as the scientist thought - because he was so affected by the story. He was remembering another baby girl, with red hair like her brother, giggling one day and only a memory the next.

"The second fetus, a male, was injected with mako and Jenova-infused blood cells donated by Gillian Hewley, the original subject of Project G. These cells multiplied alongside his own, and passed on to Genesis a blood deficiency dormant in Gillian, inherited from her distant Wutaian ancestors. Genesis's delivery and vital readings at birth are recorded as normal, and he was sent home with his parents to Banora. Our records of his life there are scant, but we do have intel that the mother was abused by the father, and the child may have been also."

Reno's shoulders slumped, and he shook his head as if to say 'No more'.

"When Genesis reached age thirteen Dr. Hollander, concerned about the boy's home life, successfully petitioned ShinRa to move Genesis to Midgar to begin his formal SOLDIER training. Angeal Hewley was relocated at the same time. The two friends, alongside Sephiroth, underwent advanced training that made the elder two 2nd Class and the youngest 1st in two years. Due to ShinRa's heavy promotional campaign and the efforts of Veld's Turks, the SOLDIER program was flooded with new recruits. Under the leadership of the famous three and ShinRa's watchful eye, the program grew and became more structured over time."

"Just one problem," Reno scoffed. "Genesis was in love with Sephiroth and insanely jealous of him at the same time."

Kanawa nodded. "There are status reports which indicate a deep-seated resentment in Genesis that caused conflict in the group. A routine duel between the three of them ended with Genesis injured, and the wound did not respond to potions or healing magic. Hollander, thinking the problem might lay in an inherited deficiency in blood-producing cells, decided to try a blood transfusion. Angeal was the ideal donor, being of the same type and mako level."

"Was Angeal right? Is that when Genesis started to crave blood?"

"The timeline suggests it was, the reports of Genesis drinking from animals begin at this time. My opinion - and this is only a theory, mind you - is that Hollander believed Angeal to be a safe donor since his tests showed no sign of blood deficiency. But such a condition can exist silently and without a trace in a person's system. When Angeal's blood was introduced to Genesis, the condition awoke somehow. And..."

"And what? Jenova did the rest?"

"Legend tells us that many of the Cetra were infected by her with a virus that made them feed on the blood of their own kind. I don't believe in coincidences."

Reno shook his head so hard, his ponytail nearly whipped his face. "No way. Maybe the alien bitch egged him on, but Genesis made the choice to kill people for blood. He murdered ShinRa employees to torment Commander Hewley, and he hurt Zack!"

"I read Fair's story too, Reno. Do you have no words of condemnation for Commander Hewley's behavior?"

Reno's face flushed. "He was a good man. I didn't need my extra sense to know that."

"A good man, yes, all intel points to that. But Genesis might have been too, if Jenova had not twisted his loves and his illness into madness and savagery."

"So who's to say he'd be any less crazy if you resurrected him?"

"It is based on first-hand information of Genesis Rhapsodos that we assume so." The girl-woman, Shelke, spoke as she took off her helmet, revealing a moon-pale face softened by mako eyes. "When Genesis Rhapsodos was defeated by Zack Fair, Nero the Sable and Weiss the Immaculate of DeepGround were sent to retrieve him. Genesis Rhapsodos refused to join them, and stated that he would seal himself off from the world until the Goddess called upon him to make reparation for his crimes. By the time Nero and Weiss had reported this to DeepGround and returned to Genesis Rhapsodos's location, he was gone."

"The Lifestream must have absorbed him," Kanawa broke in, briefly looking feverish with excitement before reutrning to his usual calm. "Perhaps the Goddess, in Her great mercy, hid him away in the Lifestream. That's where we are searching for him."

"What?" Reno managed to whisper. "How?"

"The Lifestream exists not only as a great, circling mass but, as you know, also in countless pockets where mako pools, underground streams and fountains form. Shelke - " Her he gestured, beaming, to the expressionless girl - "has used our technology to adapt her synaptic net dive to what is, as it turns out, a matrix similar to that of the Worldwide Network."

"...the Lifestream is like the web?" Reno felt like they were speaking an entirely foreign tongue; at the same time he knew they were simplifying the explanation for him. "So she can...like...surf it?"

"Information stored on the Network falls into recognizable patterns and pathways, and as such, the information can be located with relative speed and ease. The Lifestream is much more randomized, but if I confine my searches to small enough, concentrated areas, I can look for memories and individuals that are within my search parameters."

_Okay, Reno thought, this chick is creepy. No wonder Valentine gets along with her._

"So...you're looking for Genesis in the Lifestream?"

"Yes, and building an extensive database of historical knowledge while we're at it."

"Then what the hell are those?"

Kanawa followed Reno's gesturing hand to the three Genesis clones. "The only viable specimens of Genesis left to us from DeepGround. If Genesis is in the Lifestream, he may need to be provided with a physical body. I promise you, they are well cared for."

Reno didn't look at all convinced. "And the dark man?"

Kanawa's sudden pallor made it clear he knew what Reno was talking about. He indicated a heavy steel door, locked and barred several times over, with a plate of heavy glass centered within its top. The Turk went to the window and found himself facing an unmoving but heavily restrained human figure. The man was handsome in a default, plain sort of way, and his eyes, even closed, suggested a sleeping but keen intelligence. His jet-black hair fell just past his chin, the same color as his leather clothing and two lightning-bolt tattoos on either side of his face. This was indeed the unconscious man from his vision, but with recognition, Reno felt a powerful uneasiness. He found himself stepping away from the door very quickly.

"What is it?" It didn't occur to Reno to refer to the creature as 'he'.

"Another of our inheritances from DeepGround," Kanawa said, looking troubled. "He has not stirred at all, but since we know nothing of his abilities or motives, we keep him locked up. The only information on him we have is a name."

"Null, the Obsidian." Shelke's voice betrayed nothing.

"Reno, what did you see him doing in your vision?"

"Nothing. It was just a flash. Is it a Tsviet?"

"The name appears to imply so," Shelke said, "but he was not active during my time with them."

"You should destroy it," Reno said without thinking, prompted by the discomfort the dark man made him feel.

Kanawa shook his head. "He, too, may be a force for good. Until we know for sure, all we can do is keep him secured. Perhaps his soul, like Genesis's, waits to be called upon."

"Fine, doc, let's say Genesis is a good guy guy now. Even so, why call him back? Why not leave him alone?"

Kanawa's hand moved to adjust his glasses, a gesture left over from before he'd switched to contacts. It was one of the things - the other being a haircut - he had done to look less like Hojo upon being employed with ShinRa.

"As you know, Sepiroth may return at any time. As long as he is Jenova's avatar, Sephiroth is the greatest threat to our planet. Genesis was, is, a man with skills nearly on par with Sephiroth. With Cloud Strife unavailable, we will need a back-up hero."

"Doc, what do you mean, with Cloud unavailable? Why can't Cloud do it?"

Kanawa's mouth slowly fell open to form an almost comical 'O', which he covered with one hand. As awkward silence dragged on, Reno made up his mind to shake an explanation from the man at the same time a familiar voice spoke up behind him.

"It's all right, Doctor. He had to find out."

"Find out _what_ , Rufus," Reno hissed. He didn't turn around, not trusting his anger to hold at the sight of his lover, but nor did he react to the hands that touched his shoulders.

"Like you said, Reno. Cloud is what keeps drawing Sephiroth back. And I can't let it happen again."

**To be continued.**


	5. Something More Awful

"Man is something more awful than men; something  
more strange."  
\- G.K. Chesterton

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 5 - Something More Awful**

 

_"...Though there were three heroes, brothers in skill and heart and the love they bore for one another, though they were in their youth at all times together, the fates willed that they should live and die separately._

_One will turn his devotion from the Goddess and give his heart to another. One will rise above the others and become the Goddess's champion. The last will live without love, never able to give or receive it. Because the sad destiny of this third echoes the sad fate of our planet, alone of its kind among the stars, so this story of mankind's fate is called Loveless. For loveless will all men be, so long as they do not answer the call of their hearts to be given to something greater than themselves..._

_Knowing nothing of the first's fate, the second hero continued his journey, crossing many strange lands and performing many deeds in the name of She whom he hoped to serve. Throughout his quest, the hero was in his dreams visited by strange visions, harbingers of the Goddess's presence who encouraged him and revealed to him what path he should next follow. Faithful to Her before all earthly loves, the hero performed kindnesses for those he encountered, earning their praises so that songs of him spread far and wide..._

_But the hero could never stay long in the company of others. His destiny set him forever apart from his fellow man, even those of whom he had grown fond. Onward he strove, through many grueling battles and dismal winters, until he reached a land fair but uninhabited. Here the air was soft and sweet, and heavy upon the place was the feeling of enchantment. Strange fruits grew upon the trees, whose like he had never gazed upon, and animals that elsewhere would have attacked him were gentled by Her presence and caused him no ill._

_The Old Hermit of the Mountain had bid our young hero seek a stream that did not show his reflection, and lo, such a stream did the hero spy, running out of caves nearby and forming a pool. Whereupon the hero looked closely, and it seemed to him that in the glowing waters he could see faces of men who had lived long ago, and voices from the past rose up in a quiet din, whispering words he could not make out._

_Yes, this was the Life Stream, as men call it now, a place where it broke through to the Planet's surface. And as wise men say, the Life Stream will not admit the living, for it is the realm of the dead and the unborn only. Even so, his heart full of trust in the Goddess, his whole being afire with the intention to serve Her, the hero stepped to the edge of the pool. And with Her name on his lips, he let himself fall into light." Loveless._

__

scscscsc

They had not stopped long here during their journey before Meteorfall. There was no town here, only the remnants of one. Cloud remembered Barret wondering aloud if the strangely-colored apples were poisonous, and Tifa thinking it was odd that no one had thought to re-settle such a fertile and pretty area. They had camped one night, as their journey was taking them further from its beginning in Midgar, and it had been a night like any other. Nothing strange, only the dreams that had confused and haunted Cloud's fractured self.

He knew now who that encouraging, familiar-unfamiliar voice in his head had been, and felt closer to Zack in this place, which bore still an air of sanctity. This is where Zack brought me, where he defeated Genesis, where Angeal grew up and returned in Lazard to watch over me. This is where they played together, where Sephiroth could be a child, away from Hojo and the labs. _Sephiroth...you were right, you'll never be a memory. I feel you here as though you were standing beside me._

What Cloud had remembered most vividly about this place was the mako pool, which looked like it had been there forever, the remnant of an underground spring that dried up long ago. He had cautioned the rest of the party to stay back, that mako in its purest form could dissolve organic matter like acid...but Aerith had sat close to it for hours, shaking and nodding her head, trying to decipher what the voices in it were whispering to her. 

Aerith, with her grass-green, old-soul eyes, her secretive smiles, her absolute faith in Cloud and in herself, even as Sephiroth's sword cut the thread of her life. _Aerith, you too...never just a memory._

_"Cloud...I want to meet you."_

_"What are you talking about? I'm right here."_

_"I know. But I want to meet_ you."

Aerith, who had seen the fracture in Cloud's mind long before he'd known it was there. That night in the Golden Saucer, with fireworks coloring the dark sky all around them, Cloud hadn't understood her sadness, the conflict that was opening old wounds in her heart to make room for new love. She was letting go of Zack for him, for the chance she thought she had with Cloud, and he hadn't understood. Not until she was gone, out of the here and into the everywhere.

"We don't go away when we die," Cloud murmured to himself as he took shuffling steps toward the mako pool. "Not away. Just out."

The low din of mingled voices grew louder as he approached, not yet clear, but Cloud felt sure they knew he was near, and were calling out to him. Encouragement? Warning? There was no way to know. Cloud stopped a few feet from the place where grass ended and mako began. Looking down, he saw in the swirls of green light flashes of faces and locations, but they were as rapid and vague as the voices. If the Lifestream held every dead person who had ever lived, and every one of their memories, then he was gazing into nothing less than an eternity of the planet's life.

Warrior though he was, Cloud was human, subject to the same biological urge to protect his body as everyone else. This part of him shrieked in protest, louder and louder the closer he stood to this portal between life and death. But She was calling too, Cloud was sure of it, though he couldn't make out the words, couldn't even be sure if it was Gaia or Aerith speaking. The love and acceptance in their voices had been so similar...

Cloud didn't realize he was trembling until it stopped, when a flood of soothing energy washed through him. It was like a warm arm around him, like a hug that could ease him through any fear. It had gotten him through so many days as a cadet, when he had been shy and unconfident and petrified by the way people stared.

"Zack," he spoke to this source of love, "I know. You always just...wanted me to live. And..."

_And this could kill me if I'm wrong, or put me back in a coma, where the voices become shouting, and Tifa sounds so far away as she calls me to come back. I could lose myself all over again, when I've only just begun to feel whole._

"But..."

But it called to him, this pool of shimmering green that glowed with the promise of an answer. For a moment Cloud couldn't remember the question, couldn't remember what he was looking for, but the color of the Lifestream flashed his mind to Sephiroth's eyes, green with Jenova, polluted from their kind, soft silver. Sephiroth. The Goddess had chosen him to save Sephiroth, and only the Ancients knew how he could do it. Cloud shook himself free of his hypnotized stare, but continued to approach the mako pool.

"Gaia..." He could not remember ever speaking her name aloud before, but it spilled from his lips as easily as a baby's cry. "I am the proof that a great man existed. Let me live a little longer, long enough to save Sephiroth. Show me the way. Please."

The inviting green shimmer of the pool continued, the only answer he received. Closer now, his toes touched the line where grass met mako, and in the solemn space of waiting for action or answer, the silence was deafening. No birds, no sound of Cloud's deep breathing, not even the rushing noise of blood in his dully-pained head. The world around him was dropping away in preparation for his decision, the only decision he could make, if he had truly been set on this path by Gaia. It was, suddenly, as simple as one of Marlene's faerie tales. The sleeping prince awaited, and the hero had to save him. He had been born for nothing less.

Cloud teetered on the brink, mindful that Zack or Angeal or Aerith might call out a warning any moment. Nothing, and the nothing dragged on for several slow beats of Cloud's heart. Forward, then slightly back, forward, approaching the angle that would tumble him in, no going back.

_Zack..._

Forward...

_Sephiroth..._

Backward...

_Make my intention love alone._

Cloud shut his eyes and let himself go. He didn't notice the arm that grabbed and pulled his body back, because he continued to fall into the light.

__

scscscsc

The radio was on but turned to a low volume, so it was more like a soft hum of voices than an intrusive chatter. Still, it was mostly meaningless noise - advertisements, contest information, speculation about the limited intel reporters had gotten about the organization now calling itself New ShinRa. Was President Rufus's change of heart sincere? Should ShinRa disclose how much it had donated to Meteorfall relief funds? What were they really up to, and why had there been no response to the rumor that NewShinRa was providing most of the WRO's financial support?

Tifa dried her hands - soapy from dishwater - and switched the radio off. No one would mind; it was barely mid-morning and the bar was vacant except for one man at a corner table. His presence, for the third day in a row, was the only interruption in what was usually an empty Seventh Heaven at ten a.m. Tifa used these few hours after sunrise to get Marlene and Denzel off to school, to clean, to make sure she was well stocked for the rush of lunch hour and the evening. Still, one quiet customer nursing a whiskey or four was no trouble. He didn't stir when she turned the radio off, his face largely hidden by shaggy hair but his posture and stillness suggesting deep thought.

Tifa didn't want to think about how he unnerved her, this man who would sit for hours, sometimes all day, saying little or nothing. Right now, there was nothing she could do about him, and Tifa hated the wasted energy of disliking what couldn't be changed.

That made her thoughts shift at once to Cloud, though she loved him and would, she knew, always. Cloud. Cloud and Sephiroth. As though they weren't already irrevocably bound together. It wasn't so strange, really, for a childhood crush to carry into adulthood...but to think that Sephiroth felt the same way was as hard to believe as the idea that there was a human in him, beneath the madness of Jenova.

_Guess I never needed to worry about Cloud and Aerith after all, Tifa thought, with a lightness born of long practice. Sephiroth. A Sephiroth that's the real him, that would never burn a village and kill innocents. Can anyone resurrect a man who's been buried so deep for so long? Even Cloud?_

The soft 'cling' of the bell over the main door pushed Tifa's musings to the back of her mind. She automatically smiled, her hostess expression, but her face dimmed a little when she saw that it was Rude coming toward her. She liked him well enough, had warmed to his strong and silent demeanor, but after all, they had been enemies once. And it was just smart to not fully trust a Turk, any Turk.

She nodded by way of greeting, a gesture he returned as he approached the bar, and said "Cloud's not here, and he doesn't answer his phone. But you can leave a message for him, if you want."

"I came to see you."

Tifa ignored the faint fluttering in her stomach. "Me?"

"Is it all right?" Rude's voice was so smooth and low, his questions didn't sound like questions.

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I assume you've read Zack Fair's memoir."

"I have..."

"Reno is concerned that it might stir up old angers toward ShinRa in those who read it."

"I hate ShinRa," Tifa said flatly. "But I'm trying to believe that Rufus and the rest of you have truly changed."

"He has."

"And you?"

No answer. Tifa hadn't really expected one.

"Is it true that Rufus is using his personal fortune to fund the WRO?"

Silence again, as expected, then...

"The president accepts blame for many of the planet's ills."

"I thought so. If New ShinRa really is trying to help the planet now instead of destroy it, my feelings toward it will change. As for you and Reno, we've fought you, but you've also fought alongside us. I don't hate you."

Tifa hadn't expected that to mean anything to Rude, but the corners of his mouth turned up just a bit.

"How did you know I read Zack's story?"

Rude shrugged. "You knew Fair. I assumed Strife would share it with you."

"Did Reno get in trouble for giving it to Cloud?"

"The president knew he would. For the sake of New ShinRa's recovering reputation, though, we hope it doesn't spread much further."

"I don't think you need to worry. Cloud will respect Zack's privacy."

"He was a good man. He deserved better."

Thinking of Zack's death made a burning sensation in Tifa's throat. She spoke past it, in an even tone.

"Why did you come to see me, Rude?"

"A favor for Reno."

Rude reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag, the kind, Tifa thought, that were used by police to store evidence. From it he withdrew something that glittered momentarily in the light, and dropped it into Tifa's hesistantly extended hand. She stared into her calloused fingers at a silver chain so fine it nearly slipped from her grasp...moving it through her fingers, she found at the end of it a simple silver pendant, in the shape of a drop of water.

_Or a tear._

It took only a moment to recall where she had read of a necklace just like this. "Is...was this Colin Moray's?"

"Yes." Rude seemed to realize immediately that more of an explanation was required. "As you know, it then belonged to Zack, who wore it hanging from his belt. It came into our possession at the same time as the notebook, wrapped around it to hold it shut. The records we seized of the science department's secret archives were scarce, but the necklace and journal were apparently turned in to ShinRa troops a short time after Zack's death. More than that, I doubt we'll ever know."

"But why...do you want me to give this to Cloud?"

"No. Reno said you should have it."

She didn't want to let it go, she realized, this piece of a secret history that had consoled a good SOLDIER, then kept alive his memory. It felt warm and right in her hand, but even so, it seemed like something that should go to Cloud.

"Why?"

"Reno said it was an apology. I don't know why he insisted I be the one who give it to you."

Tifa's hands closed around the relic. She felt strangely strengthened by it, and supposed she could accept this sense that it was meant to be hers. It had been meant to represent purity, she remembered, cleanness despite all the battles and blood on its wearer's hands. Tifa's eyes nearly filled, thinking of Biggs and Wedge and Jessie and all the good people sacrificed to Avalanche's ambition, but cleared when she noticed Rude walking away. The single customer was watching them both, so she didn't wipe her eyes before opening her mouth to say thank you but instead said:

"An apology? I don't understand."

"You will."

Rude didn't turn around to say it, and a moment later he was gone.

__

scscscsc

"You idiot! You little asshole! I should kick your ass, how could you be so stupid!"

Cloud awoke to the voice, though he knew he hadn't been asleep, and no time had passed, because time didn't exist here, except for those who closely watched over the living. He knew the voice at once, would have even had the sound of it left his memory. Nobody but Zack would yell at him while hugging him this hard.

"Zack." Cloud tried to get his arms free; he was being squeezed too tightly even to hug back.

"Might want to ease up, Puppy. It must be a shock to the system for a living person to enter the Lifestream."

"Well, that's his own fault, isn't it? Spiky, what the hell were you thinking? You can't have known you'd survive."

Zack was calming, enough to reluctantly release Cloud and step back to give him space. He was forgiving, no surprise, Zack had never been able to hold on to anger, but the sight of him made Cloud feel the guilt Zack had intended to provoke. The former 1st looked so young - Cloud wasn't sure he'd ever get used to Zack as an eternal teenager - and Cloud had not seen him look so pale and solemn since his time of mourning Angeal's death. There were shadows under the pale blue eyes, and beneath the aura of brilliant light common to the denizens of the Lifestream, Zack seemed to be not entirely healthy.

"I did know I'd survive...well, I was pretty sure. Zack, is it hurting you to send me strength like you've been doing?"

"Don't change the subject," Zack retorted with a pout. "And no, 'course not, I just get tired, and I've got infinite time to sleep. You think Angeal would let me do anything harmful?"

 _Maybe, if you pouted enough._ But Cloud said "I guess not", then turned to say hello to Angeal.

The broad man smiled warmly at him. "Zack does have a point. If you were any other person on Gaia, you'd be stuck here permanently. If your body hadn't been pulled back, you'd have a serious case of mako poisoning as well."

Cloud blinked, then felt his arms and midsection without realizing he did so. "What? My body was pulled back? By who? Then how did I get here?"

Angeal chuckled; Cloud was struck for the tenth or so time how unlike the guilt-ridden character in Zack's memoir he was.

"Think of this as an out-of-body experience. It's actually not uncommon for the living souls to visit the Lifestream in dreams, but it seems the Goddess has given you the power to do it while awake."

"And as for who rescued your body," Zack spoke up, "it was Tseng. I'm not sure yet if we should thank him or I should start haunting his bathroom."

"Tseng?" Cloud's head - his astral body's head, anyway - was spinning. "I thought I sensed someone following me..."

"Tseng may be trying to protect you," Angeal suggested, not unreasonably. "ShinRa knows only you can defeat Sephiroth."

"Strange, isn't it? Who'd have thought we'd ever rely on the good intentions of ShinRa?"

They all turned to the direction the new voice came from, and Cloud felt a strange mixture of deep regret and absolute ease when he met her grass-green eyes. If Zack and Angeal looked radiant, then Aerith was positively beatific, with a soft white glow all around her and the same smile he remembered from the dark days of their journey over the planet together. Cloud's feelings for Aerith could never manage to become romantic, but they were strong, and as he walked eagerly into her embrace, he could feel her presence patching over some of the cracks in his heart.

"Cloud..." The sound of his name nearly made him weep. "When will you accept my forgiveness? There was never anything to forgive, anyway."

"But I..."

Aerith drew back, and smiled so brightly that he felt himself mirror the expression. "You were an excellent bodyguard, right to the end of our shared path on the planet. I died when it was my time, as we all do. It was, in the end, the only way I could help you all. Remember what Bugenhagen told us? If a soul seeking Holy reaches the planet, it will appear."

"I just...wish I could have saved you." And Zack...and him.

"My mother likes to say that regrets make us human."

"You've reunited with her? I'm...glad."

"Yes, and maybe when this is all over, you can meet her." Aerith smiled mischievously, the way she had in order to coerce Cloud into a date in the Golden Saucer. "But it's my father's long-cherished wish you're going to grant, with our help."

"Your father...?"

"Gast Faremis, the one who started the Jenova Project and has regretted it since," Angeal said softly. "He mourns for Sephiroth's fall, even in this perfect place."

Zack clapped a hand on Cloud's shoulder. "We have a chance to clean up that asshole Hojo's mess once and for all, Spiky."

"You mean..." He didn't dare say it, dare hope.

Aerith's soft smile firmed with resolve. "We're going to help you get Sephiroth back."

__

scscscsc

The shaggy-haired man unlocked the door to his apartment, and as he stepped inside, as always, the spartan space and the bunk beds reminded him of his cadet days. Some of the happiest of his life, but that was not the reason he lived so cheaply, for the sake of nostagia. Money he had, a good amount left over from better days, but it was better spent on other things than housing. Money could buy information, silence, even time.

 _Living on borrowed time, now._ He was not old, scarcely over forty in fact, but old for what his line of work had been. And old in his heart, able to remember a very different time...not a happier time, not a more free or fair time, but one he often missed anyway.

"You here, Kellan?" he called out into the two rooms of their apartment, and a man of similar height and bulky build came out of the kitchen, drying his hands.

"Yeah. Chow's nearly ready...or did you eat there?"

"Only drinks. Have to keep the conversation minimal."

"I'm not sure which I envy more, the alcohol or the constant presence of a woman. No sign of him yet?"

"None, although she mentioned the name. She was talking to that Turk, Rude."

Kellan whistled. "I guess we do have to keep a low profile, then. I was gonna suggest befriending her. Enemies of ShinRa unite, you know? But I guess she's not an enemy..."

"Maybe we aren't either. It's just too soon to tell." The shaggy-haired man sighed, like he was trying to breathe out an old sadness. "The Turk gave her Colin Moray's pendant. You remember, that rain-drop thing he always wore?"

"Shit, I haven't thought about that in forever." There was a brief silence, a nod of respect to their old comrade. "How come?"

"Wouldn't say. But got a piece of intel." Another pause, even more pained. "Apparently Zack wrote a memoir before he died. ShinRa has a copy, so does Strife."

"Gaia. Now I really want to talk to Strife. Shit. Dunno if I could bear to read it, though," Kellan said. "Zack Fair."

"Angeal's puppy. Our Class pet."

"With his pouting and squats."

"I would've adopted that kid if I could have," the shaggy-haired man half-laughed. "Guess we all would have."

"We did adopt him, in our own way, especially after Angeal's..."

"Yeah."

"Never gets easy, does it?"

"Does anything?"

"Making stew." Kellan shrugged. "C'mon, let's eat."

They sat down with spoons and bowls, and it was good, but wouldn't go down easily. It was a long time before Kellan finished and had his throat clear enough to speak.

"Andrew."

"Yeah?"

"How do we know Strife's not our enemy? He's the one who keeps killing the general, after all."

"He has no choice. Sephiroth, the real Sephiroth, would want to be stopped from destroying the planet. As for Strife..." Andrew sat back and chuckled a little, to the other's surprise. "You were involved in cadet affairs too, you know Sephiroth's the one who got Strife into the program, even though he technically didn't pass the tests."

"Sephiroth always had an eye for talent, and Strife must have been grateful, probably had a fanboy crush like the others. But still..."

"I oversaw the cadets, I visited their classes. And not only did Sephiroth actually show up at Strife's, but..."

"But?"

"But he looked at him the way we were afraid he'd never look at anyone." Andrew smiled wistfully.

"Fuck, are you sure? And Strife looked back?"

"I'm tellin' you, Finn. Those two might have never touched each other. But they were in love. I felt it, and somehow, I know it's still there."

"If Sephiroth's still there, if we can pull him out of wherever he is."

"That's why we need Strife. They're drawn together, and I swear on what's left of my life, it's not by hate."

"We need Strife."

"We need Strife. I'll go back to the bar tomorrow."

Stomachs full, hearts heavy, the two ex-SOLDIERs sat still a long time in the dusk that filled the room from the window. When darkness finally covered their faces, a glint of green light shone in each man's eyes, a reminder of a life that used to be.

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"Zero one, two three four,  
Beware the dream man with a sword.  
Hold your pillow nice and tight  
While he makes fire in the night.  
Zero, ichi, ni san yon,  
Say Gaia's name until he's gone..."

The sound of jump-ropers chanting nearby was nothing new to Marlene; even the scary subject of the song was little to her, now that the dreams came so rarely. She was focused on Denzel, who walked silently by her side on their way home from school. When Cloud was around and in contact, Denzel was animated and talkative, eager to teach Marlene everything he'd just learned. When Cloud was away, it felt like part of Denzel was too.

"Tifa says we can have pizza tonight," Marlene said in a chipper voice.

"Cool." He even sounded like Cloud sometimes, low and distant.

"Cloud will be home soon. He hardly ever goes on long trips anymore, ever since you were sick."

"Yeah...but what if he's starting to again? I'll never be able to learn swords and stuff from him. And..."

"I know." Marlene took Denzel's free hand. "I miss him too."

They turned a corner, and Seventh Heaven was in sight, quiet as it always was in the early afternoon. Above, the white sky swelled with the promise of rain, and a thin fog crept like swift feet around the lamp posts and doorways. Through the air, more distantly now, chanting voices carried on the breeze:

"Zero one, two three four five,  
But if you look deep in his eyes  
Hold your breath and show no fear  
Sometimes you can see his tears..."

**To be continued.**


	6. The Uneasy Place

"Her faith is fixt and cannot move,  
She darkly feels him great and wise,  
She dwells on him with faithful eyes,  
'I cannot understand, I love'."  
-"In Memoriam A.H.H.", Alfred, Lord Tennyson

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 6 - The Uneasy Place**

 

"The mission is completed, then, sir."

"Thank you, Tseng." Rufus was quiet for a few long moments, honoring his subordinate's displeasure by letting it hang in the air between them. "I trust Strife is being kept comfortable."

"His physical body is being cared for. I cannot speak as to what Cloud is feeling, if anything. Sir." Tseng did not appear perturbed in the slightest; he was too good a Turk. The displacement of the "Sir" said it all, and more. "Reno is with him."

"Angry at you?"

"Yes. But I've grown used to his anger over these years."

Rufus laughed softly. "I'm the one he'll never forgive."

"Perhaps not."

"You still think this is wrong, Tseng?"

"You wish me to speak freely, sir?"

"Always, Tseng. You know that."

"Maybe you're right, maybe Cloud is what keeps drawing Sephiroth back into the world. Maybe we've cut that string by putting Cloud out of commission. But if you're wrong, Sephiroth will return. And if you're right, Strife's friends will never accept what you've done. We will shortly be at war with them again, ShinRa against the forces of friendship and the hatred of the planet, just as it was before Meteor fell. There will not be the peace you wanted, Rufus. Not in our time or any after."

"The public can be swayed, if I'm right."

"Not Strife's nakama." The Wutainese word was one Rufus would know, meaning comrade, a bond stronger than friendship. "Either way."

"I don't want any of them harmed, if it can be helped. We owe them much. They saved this planet that Old ShinRa nearly betrayed to the death."

In the nearly bare, sunlit office, Rufus was sitting in a chair he had turned to face the windows, the setting sun. His stillness reminded Tseng of past threats, of the Geostigma that nearly ended the Shinra line.

_Strife saved us then, too._

"Then, when they storm this building, sir?"

"Let them through to me. I will explain before I die."

"Sir - !"

Rufus halted Tseng's protests with a raised palm and a smile as he turned around. "I'm only half-serious, Tseng. I'm a Shinra, remember. I have escape routes and mechanisms from every room of this building. Remember."

"...yes, sir."

"In any case, it's not a permanent thing. If I'm wrong, Sephiroth returns, and we wake Strife. If Kanawa succeeds, and we have Genesis, we wake Strife."

"I will remind you, sir, that Genesis Rhapsodos, whatever he was in life, was never a person wise to count upon. And considering his feelings for Sephiroth..."

"Then he would want to free Sephiroth from Jenova, no matter the cost."

"Strife loves him too."

"Maybe, Tseng. If so, I am sparing him a fight he must have been dreading."

"Sir..."

"Am I my father yet, Tseng?" Rufus asked with a sad smile.

"No, sir."

"Because intention matters, right? Whether it's the most important thing or not...that's a question for men wiser than we. You can go, Tseng."

The head Turk was at the door, knob in hand, before he remembered. "The apples have regrown on the trees of Banora, sir."

"Really?" Rufus sounded interested. "That may be a good sign."

"They're sour," Tseng said shortly, and left the room.

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"Help me get Sephiroth back? You can do that?"

"Well, we've been putting together a plan," Zack said.

"Does it have to do with the Cetra?"

Aerith beamed. "I knew you'd guess."

"So, they know how to get Sephiroth back?"

"Jenova's hold on him must be loosened."

Cloud's heart sank. "I'll have to fight him again?"

"We hope not," Angeal broke in. "Aerith?"

"Cloud, do you remember what I told you about my people?" She didn't wait for an answer. "The Cetra are born to the planet, commune with the planet, and return to the planet. During our earthly lives, we can hear the voices of our ancestors, but they're hard to make out. It's been more like a comforting static since ShinRa started harvesting mako. But once we reach the Lifestream, all the voices become clear."

"But...don't the dead, most of the dead I mean, lose their personalities and become one with the Lifestream?"

"Yes, with exceptions," Aerith said, holding up three slender fingers. "First, there's the Cetra like me, who act as speakers for the rest. Two, those who choose to keep their personalities intact. And three, those who've been infused with Jenova cells. Such people are polluted, unable to dissolve into the ether."

"But...that's..."

Angeal smiled. "Fine with us. We'll become one with the planet when everything on it has died, and until then, we have a happy immortality."

He put his arm around Zack as he spoke, and the sight made Cloud smile for a moment. "So, all the Cetra are intact, except the ones who choose not to be."

"They are very powerful, as all the first race of Gaia used to be," Aerith went on. "They're going to provide the energy we need for our plan, they tell me, as well as escort the volunteers to us and back again."

"Huh? Volunteers?"

Aerith sat down on the grass, tucking her legs beneath her, and the others did the same. "The Cetra have gathered some volunteers who have remained themselves, all souls who have some connection to you or us and are willing to help."

"I'm still confused. What are they going to do?"

"Share their memories with you. Each one has a memory they think will be of use to you, and they want to be heard. With our power combined, we'll have enough energy to show you the memories as they were experienced."

"Basically, Spiky," Zack said cheerfully, "it's like you're gonna be put in a bunch of different bodies, and see what they saw, feel what they felt."

"Like time travel?"

Aerith smiled. "There is no time here. That's why we can do this. And you haven't heard the best part yet!"

"Also the hard part," Zack chimed in.

"When you're finished gathering the information the volunteers offer, Gaia herself will grant you the chance to go into your own memory. This one is important...because in this one you can actually change your actions. Change the past."

Cloud felt cold at the thought, and at the same time... "Gaia told you this?"

Aerith nodded solemnly. "It's very strange when She speaks to you directly. Beautiful...but it reminds you how small you are."

"She's going to let me...change the past? What part of the past? What do I change?"

"She said that when the time comes, you'll know."

"We have no idea how long you'll have, either," Zack sighed. "Could be days, could be seconds."

"Whatever you choose," Aerith said, "the Goddess has agreed to substitute for what originally happened. It will become part of the planet's memory."

"So careful what you do, Spiky, 'cause it's gonna stick."

Cloud looked around at them. Zack, who was faking cheer because he was fatigued and concerned. Angeal, who smiled at him but whose gaze never left Zack for long. Aerith, who was the same bright and strange spirit she had always been. This was not like the circle of companions Cloud had originally saved the planet with, but he recognized this feeling of desperate defiance to beat the odds. This hope that they could.

"When do we start?"

Aerith smiled brilliantly. "Come with me."

Something occurred to Cloud as they all began to walk, and he found himself saying "But the Cetra...aren't they supposed to find the Promised Land?"

"A place of endless beauty and renewal," she said evenly. "You're looking at it, Cloud."

__

scscscsc

"Cloud, it's me. Call as soon as you get this, okay?"

Tifa slid her cell phone back into her pocket, fairly confident she wouldn't be hearing Cloud's voice any time soon. Maybe it was for the best this time, lest she accidentally allude to the dream she'd had the night before. The metal cold inside the Nibelheim reactor, the red-haired man with cruel eyes swooping on her escort and taking him away. It was enough to make her miss the nightmares of Sepiroth.

_I didn't even realize it was Cloud with me when it happened. I was such a selfish girl...I could have gotten him killed._

Tifa's hands felt cold; she pressed them into a spot of sunlight shining onto the bar, willing the chill and the sadness to pass, to become the kind of pain she could work around. Most days she did well, as a mother, a bartender, a friend, occasionally a hero. She was even learning to accept that she might never get over Cloud.

 _It doesn't hurt so much anymore,_ Tifa told herself, and it didn't. The feeling had carved out a place in her heart, and the cutting had been painful, but now it was a part of her. It could have been a sadness she she was born with, it ached so quietly.

Movement and the bell over Seventh Heaven's door jarred her at the same time, and her first thought was that the new, mysterious regular had gotten up. But no, the stranger was nursing his second whiskey, and a dark grizzly bear of a man was headed her way, grinning widely and nudging chairs aside with his broad body.

"Tifa!"

She leaned over the counter to hug him. "I wasn't expecting you for another few days."

"Our machinery's undergoin' a buncha repairs. Not much to do for the next week, nothin' Rick and Olan can't handle supervisin'. Thought I'd take the chance and visit. How's everythin'?"

"Oh, same as when you left. ShinRa's mysterious, Cloud is solitary, my customers drink. And a certain little girl of our acquaintance won her class spelling bee yesterday."

"That's my girl!" Barret exclaimed, pounding a meaty fist on the bar. "Smart like her mama. Like all her mamas. Hey, do ya think Marlene will like this?"

He pulled from his duffel bag a large pink teddy bear, with a satin stomach that matched the ribbon around its neck. Tifa smiled, wondering how Barret was going to cope when Marlene's interest in toys turned to boys. He would probably scare off all but the brave, or foolish, suitors.

"She'll love it."

"Got a blue one for Denzel, like a twin, ya know? They still gettin' along?"

"Just like family."

Barret nodded. "That's what I wanted for Marlene all her life, ya know, a family. Appreciate you takin' care of her, Tifa."

"I love her like my own daughter."

"She's been okay?"

"Yeah, still doing great in school and...well..."

Barret looked worried. "And what?"

"You know how Marlene is easily influenced by how Denzel is feeling? Well, Denzel's been a little down since Cloud last disappeared."

"Kid's gotta grow a thicker skin. Cloud's jus' bein' himself." Barret shuffled his feet awkwardly, then sat on the nearest stool and leaned close. "That stuff you tol' me, 'bout Cloud and Sephiroth...didn't tell nobody, like I promised, but you're gonna have to tell me again 'fore I believe it."

"They were in love. Still are, if Jenova wasn't in the way."

"Hell. I figured Cloud wasn't so into ladies when he di'int snatch you up, but Sephiroth?"

"You've got to remember, Barret. We never met the real Sephiroth. What we fought was not Sephiroth."

"Yeah. I can still hardly keep that mess straight in my head, and dat DeepGround thing made it worse, I dunno what they're all about."

Tifa ran a rag over the bar as she began to speak, out of a restlessness she was used to. "I know. The way Reeve explained it to me is that DeepGround started around the same time the SOLDIER program did, that it was a medical facility for wounded SOLDIERs. At some point early on, the former president authorized Hojo to use the hopeless cases for experimentation. Pretty soon every patient was being used for one experiment or another."

"Fuckin' Hojo, wish we could beat his ass again."

"Supposedly, most of the experimentation was with G cells taken from Genesis and from Angeal Hewley's mother, Gillian. The most successful modified humans became the Tsviets, the leaders, and they were kept in a secret lab under the Midgar reactor. When Meteor destroyed Midgar, they were freed."

"Okay, I git it, but what 'bout the SOLDIERs? How come you don't see none of them around anymore?"

"The ones we defeated before Meteorfall were probably the last,” Tifa said with a shrug. “Reeve said a lot were absorbed into DeepGround, but there was also a mass defection of SOLDIERs after Sephiroth’s death. My guess is that there’s a handful scattered around the planet, laying low.”

“Damn right.”

“Barret, they’re not our enemies. They left ShinRa, and anyway, I don’t think ShinRa is either.”

“They doin’ good work, aright, I’ll give ‘em that. Don’t think I’ll ever really trust ‘em, though.”

“I understand. They are making amends, though,” Tifa said, touching the pocket that Colin Moray’s necklace was tucked into.

“Spiky feel the same way?”

“I think so,” Tifa mused. “The other day we heard a newscaster make a big deal about how much security the ShinRa building has. And Cloud said it was just good sense for ShinRa to protect itself, considering how many people hate it.”

“They got a right. Spiky’s sure got a right. Damn. Any idea what’s in his head?”

“Only guesses. Love, guilt for feeling it, fear Sephiroth will come back, a greater fear that he never will.”

“Yeah. Well, if you count his hair, Spiky’s head is big enough to carry all that.” Barret stood. “Better get goin’, I told Cid I’d fix his sink, long as he gives me a ride home in one of his fancy ships.”

“Cid. He can build a rocket out of nothing, but give him a basic plumbing problem...”

“I know, fucking geniuses. Tell Marlene I’ll pro’ly be back tonight.”

Barret went out, leaving the bar mostly empty and Tifa relfecting on how she could no longer have a completely honest conversation with anyone but Cloud. He had let no one but her read Zack’s memoir, let no one but her be privy to the awful things that had happened to him at the hands of Hojo and Genesis. Cloud had not asked for her silence, but she knew he wanted the rest of the gang to know as little as possible. The pendant was out of her pocket and in Tifa’s hand before she knew it, a rain drop like the kind that came from clouds.

“I was with Colin Moray when he received that pendant.”

The proximity of the regular customer, the sound of so much of his voice, the content of his speech - all these things were overloading, too much even to trigger a fight-or-flight response. Tifa merely froze, eyes wide, gaze downward, mouth slightly open. The stranger put his hands flat on the bar, probably to show that he was unarmed, and very slowly her gaze traveled up as he spoke again.

“Colin had just made 2nd Class, and his room was right next to mine. I was borrowing a book from him when he opened a package from his ma. A silver raindrop on a chain. For purity, the letter said, to remind him that even a SOLDIER can, in his heart, remain innocent.”

Tifa finally looked into the worn but attractive enough face, the scraggly hair framing and half-hiding it. The eye swere a brown that glowed faintly, the unmistakable sign of mako though it had likely been years since his last injection. Tifa’s expression asked the obvious question, and the man quietly answered.

“My name is Andrew Lefler, Miss Lockhart. I need to speak with you immediately.”

__

scscscsc

“I was gonna tell it all to you one day, all the stuff in my past that even Tseng doesn’t know. Why you, I’m not really sure. Maybe because you’ve been hurt enough to understand.”

His words softly echoed around the metallic room; what now served as a makeshift infirmary had once been an area for weapons storage. The resting body’s chest went up and down, and the heart monitor beeped - the only signs that Cloud was alive. Reno stepped closer and took his cool hand.

“Or maybe because you’ve seen the worst of me, and given me a chance anyway.” Reno paused long enough to swallow a sob. “Like when the Sector Seven pillar went down. Cloud, I swear, it wasn’t supposed to happen.”

He had to stop again, and breathed quietly for a minute or two.

“The order came from the old president, for the pillar to go down. Tseng told me to make it real easy for you guys to halt the destruction sequence, and I did, I thought I did. But it must not have been good enough. Cloud, I need you to know that we never meant for that pillar to fall.”

Reno’s free hand awkwardly swiped some of the wetness from his eyes. “I know your Avalanche buddies must think about the people who were killed in the reactor explosions. I know, ‘cause I think all the time about the people who were in Sector Seven that day. Nothing hurts me so bad, not even things I did when I was a whore. And here I am, doing something wrong again.”

Reno smiled bitterly. “Guess I’m hoping you’ll wake up and say you’re not mad at me for being too late to stop Tseng. The last thing you needed was to be hurt by ShinRa again. I would think Tseng was lying about stopping you from jumping into the Lifestream...but you won’t wake up, and it’s not ‘cause of anything we gave you. Man, what will we tell Tifa and the gang when they bust in here?”

Reno laughed, shortly and alone. Its echo came back nervous and desperate.

“I don’t think you were trying to kill yourself, no matter what Tseng saw. This would be a great time for my Sight, as the doc calls it, to help me out, but even without it, I don’t think you’d hurt yourself. You wouldn’t hurt the one thing Sephiroth loves. Hey, you and I should start a club for guys in love with assholes, what do ya say?”

Cloud was perfectly still, save for his respiration. There were no twitches or eye movements common to dreamers, and the pale young man was almost pearl-white under the stark light. Cloud’s skin was cool, and Reno couldn’t sense him, not even the way Turks can always feel when someone’s in the same room. Or rather, Reno was sensing someone, but it wasn’t Cloud.

“You’re somewhere far away, aren’t you, Strife?” Reno asked softly. “Farther away than simple death would take you.”

“He may be in the Lifestream.”

“Screw you, man.”

“Reno, I know you’re angry with me, but please, hear me out. Haven’t I always done the same for you?”

 _Dammit,_ Reno thought. He didn’t turn around, but it was easy to picture Tseng, always in the same kind of suit, always serious with his straight stance and solemn expression. He looked earnest, Reno could hear it in his voice, and Tseng had always heard Reno out, whether it was over a broken curfew or helicopter theft.

“Fine, talk.”

“In every ancient culture known to exist on the planet, there have been men who can mentally enter the Lifestream while in unconscious or semi-conscious states. The company’s research on Loveless suggests that it may be an allegory, based on out-of-body experiences.”

“What does Loveless have to do with Cloud?” Reno asked sharply. “Oh. You think he was mimicking the second hero.”

"Strife has survived immersion in the Lifestream before. I can't rule out a suicide attempt, but it may be that Strife thought there was something to gain by going directly to the Lifestream."

"Maybe he was running from you and your trank darts."

"I didn't have any weapon out, Reno. I was not going to capture Cloud."

Reno looked up from the cot, but didn't turn around. "What?"

"I just wanted to talk to Cloud, to tell him our theory of why Sephiroth keeps returning, then ask him if he would be willing to submit to tests here, perhaps a short-term induced coma at the very least."

"And if he didn't want to?"

Tseng smiled wanly. "I was prepared to return here barely alive and admit I failed my mission."

"Honestly."

"On my life, Reno."

Tseng's word was enough for anyone who knew him, especially Reno, but Reno didn't have to like it. He spoke to counter the silence thick in the air between them.

"I was telling Cloud how I wanted to talk to him sometime, guy to guy. So we could commiserate, on all our past and present angst, you know? But I don't think he hears me. I think he's busy."

"Do you know where Cloud's soul is? What he's doing?"

"No...but I think he has a better chance of eliminating Sephiroth as a threat than we do. Cloud knows him better than us...and his intentions are purer."

"That matters," Tseng allowed with a nod. "I hope you're right."

"When I see Sephiroth in my visions, it's usually not like lookin' at a human being. He's dark and polluted as much as a person can be."

"By Jenova." Tseng came a few steps closer. "If Cloud does face Jenova again, I will aid him however I can. I couldn't help Zack when it mattered...I would not like to fail again."

"That was my fault too."

"Aw, c'mon, you two. At least I got to be a hero."

Tseng drew his gun reflexively, but it hung in his limp hand. Reno stared across the table to the half-transparent form of none other than Zack Fair, seventeen forever but wearing the 1st Class uniform he'd been proud to put on. Reno had been expecting him, but was surprised to learn from Tseng's gasp that both of them were having this vision.

"Zack Fair," Tseng said, trying to regain his usual coolness. "Why are you here?"

"'Cause your bathroom is boring," the ghost said with a mischievous grin. "You need to get some books or a strobe light in there."

"What?"

"Just kidding. But seriously, thanks for grabbing Cloud's body. He's pretty used to mako, but we'd hate to send him back to a sick body."

"Is he okay?" Reno croaked out. "Is he with you?"

"Yes to both. Spiky's not dead or anything...although you two might be if Tifa and the gang find out Cloud's being held here. Cloud wishes he could talk to her before we start, but sucks to be us, 'cause our time is limited. A body can only last a little while without its soul, so we have to begin now."

"Begin what?" Tseng asked. "Do you have a plan to save Sephiroth?"

Zack nodded, his short spikes bouncing with the motion. "Yeah, and I'll fill you in as best I can, but first, Reno...we're gonna need your help."

"Me? What can I do?"

"Aerith says what we're gonna do might affect Cloud's body, since he's still connected to it, even though he's not in it. We need someone with a lot of power, like you, to stay by Cloud and hold his hand. You'll be sort of grounding him, making sure the connection between Spiky's mind and body doesn't snap."

Reno opened his mouth to ask exactly how to do that, but realized in an instant that somehow he did know. "I'll do it," he said, squeezing Cloud's hand.

"I knew we could count on you."

"Zack," Tseng called, taking a step closer. "I'm so - "

"Really, Tseng, don't worry about it. It was my time."

"Are you with Angeal?"

Zack beamed, literally glowed with white light. "Oh yeah, and he's not all guilty and glum like he used to be. Death is awesome."

"The president would also apologize, I know, given the chance."

Zack shrugged, and the familiar gesture of his made the two Turks smile. "He wasn't in charge then, wasn't his fault. And he's trying to be a good guy now. Just tell him to be a better boyfriend," he added, winking at Reno.

Reno turned slightly pink, and Zack went on. "Okay, I guess we're just about ready to start - "

"Is there anything I can do?" Tseng asked.

Zack frowned in thought, and scratched his head with a gloved hand. "Any idea what to do when Tifa finds out and busts in here?"

__

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Tifa slid into the chair heavily, imagining it strained against the lead-like weight in her stomach. While waiting for the man across the table to speak, she wondered if, after so many years of fighting, the heaviness of foreboding would ever become less.

"As I said, Miss Lockhart, my name is Andrew Lefler. I used to be a SOLDIER commander, in charge of overseeing cadet affairs."

"Please call me Tifa."

He nodded. "I suppose you're wondering why I've been in here every day for the past two weeks. To be honest, I've been spying. Waiting to see what your relationship with ShinRa currently is, and hoping to catch a glimpse of Cloud Strife."

"Commander - "

"Andrew."

"The only reason I'm talking to you is because I believe you're not our enemy. But you'd better tell me, quickly, what exactly you want with Cloud."

"We want what he wants," Lefler said with an earnest expression. "Sephiroth freed."

"How much do you know about Sephiroth?"

"I know what is common knowledge now, that he lives on as Jenova's puppet, polluted by her and polluting the planet in turn. I know that he returns now and then and is defeated by Cloud Strife. But more importantly, I knew Sephiroth before his fall, when he was a good man in love for the first time."

"In love..."

"You are surprised?"

"...No. Just..."

"I understand," he said, his voice dropping lower. "I hoped to be able to tell Cloud Strife, how Sephiroth felt, but I hear a certain memoir of Zack Fair's has already delivered the news."

"You know about that too? You knew Zack."

"Knew and loved him, as we all did," Lefler said with a soft laugh. "I remember in the days after Angeal's death, how Zack consoled himself by taking on an apprentice of his own, and how this young man drew out a part of Sephiroth we all feared we'd never see. We owe Cloud Strife much."

"'We'? You mean, there are more SOLDIERs with you?"

"We are scattered, but many of us remain in touch. Our allegiance to each other did not dissolve when we deserted ShinRa. We are, in our new homes, doing our part to protect the planet, in return for the mako that was pumped into our bodies, but a few of us are drawing near this new city. We know what Cloud Strife's goal must be, and we wish to help."

The name of this serious man had been tugging at Tifa's mind since he spoke it, and all at once she remembered. "Zack wrote of you in his story."

"Did he?" Lefler smiled. "In a good light, I hope."

"Yes. He said you were kind to the cadets under your watch."

"I tried to be. SOLDIER is - was...is a hard life."

"When did you desert?" Tifa asked softly.

He sighed. "I stayed longer than many. The first wave disappeared shortly after Sephiroth's supposed death was announced. I remained, trying to make order out of chaos."

That last word reminded her of Vincent, and the foes he had lately defeated. "The Tsviets of DeepGround mentioned a mass murder they carried out just after Meteorfall. Was there a disappearance of SOLDIERs then, too?"

"Yes. We think the first wave were recruited into DeepGround, and the third wave was slaughtered by them. I myself went with the second wave, about a year after Sephiroth and Zack were lost. I just...I suppose I'd seen enough loss for one life." Lefler shook his head. "I suppose it's lucky, in a way. We old-timers weren't around to properly train the new SOLDIERs, and so the ones you and your friends faced in defiance of ShinRa were easier to defeat."

"Or it was fate," Tifa said. "Do you believe in that, or the Goddess?"

"Difficult question. I believe in the Lifestream, and that the men who died under my command went there. I believe there is a greater power than us that might alter the course of our lives if it chooses. Whether that thing is good or bad, ultimately...that, I don't know."

"Cloud's been there," Tifa said, hardly realizing she spoke aloud. "More than once. And..."

"Then it must be the Goddess's will that he still lives." Lefler smiled darkly. "Or dumb luck."

"Or Cloud's strength. He has more than anyone I know." Tifa stood. "How about I get us something to eat, and you can tell me how you plan to help Cloud?"

"How, we're not sure yet. But I wouldn't say no to some food. What have you got?"

Tifa headed to the kitchen, and returned a few moments with two bowls. "Pudding?"

He looked at it, and laughed. "Butterscotch. How'd you know?"

"Zack."

"Of course. Zack."

**To be continued.**


	7. Though An Angel

"A thing, until is everything, is noise, and once it is  
everything it is silence."  
\- Antonio Porchia

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 7 - Though An Angel**

 

_"Out of a cloudless sky the spring rain fell without warning, first a gentle drizzle, then an intense downpour that clouded his sight like a fog. The first hero happened upon a cave deep at the root of a nearby mountain, and withdrew into it to wait out the squall. For a little while he prayed for the Goddess to lead him to his destiny, whatever it might be. No thought did he have, no impulse did drive him but the desire to serve Her. But the ways of gods are strange to mortal men, and often the thing that is unlooked for is what comes to pass._

_"The first hero knew of a town some miles away, and decided to make for it when the rain had stopped. Over muddy roads did he travel first, then thought of cutting through a pleasant field carpeted with fragrant grass and rainwashed wildflowers. Only a few months of the year reprieved this cold land from snow, and in its rare warm days this land seemed to rejoice, and was arrayed in marvelous colors and carried a sweet smell on its air. 'Tis the bounty of the Goddess who made the planet, and the hero thanked Her in his heart as he walked among the green trees and verdant hills._

_"So taken was he with the beauty of the day, that he did not notice he was not alone until he was very near the first person he had seen for days. A young woman, a maiden in the flower of her youth, was gathering purple blossoms into a basket. She was as fair as the day, clad in silver beneath her golden hair, and to look at her stole the hero's breath and left him struck still, unable to move, scarcely able to blink. Never had he seen anything so lovely, never had the sight of one beautiful thing made the world around it both more beautiful for its presence, and somehow dimmer for its light. The planet continued to turn, but here was its still point, here was something immovable._

_"How could he know her without pain? All at once, the devotion that had been only for Gaia was reshaping itself, focusing on this sight, on the young woman whose gentle smile made the hero's heart pound and stretch until he thought he might die of it. The girl beckoned him, and he stumbled toward her, eager to kneel at her feet as he once had in praise of the Goddess. With each step he innocently betrayed Her, left behind a love that was as wide as the world for one that felt even larger. Surely, thought he, no one had ever known the aching joy that filled him like light through glass. The old love was not banished altogether, but it was a memory retreating at the advance of something new and yet somehow ancient. The hero felt he had been waiting all his life, searching all his life, for this moment, this beautiful doom. He was hers now, and the Goddess, in Her infinite love and mercy, let him go without regret._

_"It seemed a year and a day that the first hero sat by her in the field of flowers, and by the light of many moons did he learn her every expression, the sound of her voice, the movement of her hands as she twined a crown of blossoms for him to wear. The sun set and rose upon her in radiance, over and over, yet he could not drink his fill of the sight. The planet which had once been wholly his temple to worship Gaia was now a frame and a garden for the flower maiden, a world made so that she might deign to exist in it. Innocent as children, the two spoke to each other, each delighting in the sound of the other's voice, and found it easy to speak as though they had known each other since the beginning of time. When at last the flower maiden stood, to return to her village, the first hero took her offered hand and strolled with her, to the place where they would make their home together._

_"So ended the quest of the first hero. Though he found not what he had sought, he came to the best ending mere mortals can possibly achieve - the chance to live loving, and being loved." Loveless._

__

scscscsc

**The First Harbinger**

To Cloud's surprise, he learned as they walked that the first volunteer to offer a memory was none other than Angeal himself.

"I knew Sephiroth better than almost anyone," the former 1st said modestly. "It may help you to see him through my eyes."

Zack smiled, and nudged Cloud. "Hey, lucky. I wish I could see through Angeal's eyes."

"Let's hope it's a pre-Zack memory," Aerith said lightly, "or you'll end up spending the whole time just staring at him."

Angeal laughed. "Fair enough. I can't say I'm excluding Zack entirely, but Seph is in the memory. I've never forgotten that day, the things we said to each other."

"I'm grateful for anything you can show me."

Walking through many colors of light, they came upon what looked like an ancient temple, with a mosaic-patterned tile floor and marble pillars that reached high up to support a distant ceiling. A waist-high bier stood in the center, its base twined all over with ivy and blue flowers. Everything about this place indicated that it was very old, yet it seemed newly built, not worn at all. Cloud looked to Aerith at the same time the others did.

"My people built many structures like these during their life on the planet. They were used to pray to Gaia, and to speak with her for those who had that ability. This temple was made by our memories, here where nothing can be lost." Aerith indicated the high stone bed. "Cloud, you'll lay there, and Angeal will stand here, at your side."

Aerith quickly moved to the head of the bier, and Zack took Cloud's other side. Cloud felt uneasy as he lay down, unsure of what was coming and whether he'd be able to handle it. Zack's smile beamed down at him, which helped a bit.

"I'll be here to anchor you, Spiky, just like Reno will be doing in your world. So no need to worry, we've got ya. And I apologize if you spend Angeal's whole memory staring at my butt."

"Give me some credit, would you, Puppy?"

Angeal sounded at ease too, not at all troubled or reluctant to share a private memory with someone he'd only lately come to know. That helped too.

"I'll get him back," Cloud heard himself say softly and defiantly. "I'll fight for him with all my strength."

"We expect nothing less or more."

Angeal's eyes were brown, Cloud noticed, the rich brown of well-tilled earth and the bark of young trees. No luminescent mako shone in them, none of Jenova's poison green. Cloud looked over at Zack, who was still squeezing his hand. Pale-sky blue, and nothing else in those eyes. Cloud thought of Sephiroth's, the way they had been the first time he met them with longing. They were liquid silver, a keen and penetrating mercury, showing none of the green madness that swallowed them up in Nibelheim. What would Cloud give to see them restored, out of rage and back to innocent confusion?

_My own life, and more if I could._

Aerith placed Angeal's hand on Cloud's forehead, and her own on top of it. "Ready?"

"Reno's ready," Zack reported.

"Let's do it," Cloud said with a deep exhale.

"Beginning."

Cloud could barely make out the whole word before he was somewhere else, falling through a vast darkness. Strangely, he wasn't alarmed at all, certain that he was aiming for something and would aim straight for it. It was like waking up and falling asleep at the same time, both the surrender and the shaking off. Whispers of the Lifestream were all around, murmuring in the black, but too many to make out what they said.

All at once, it flashed away, and Cloud was someone else.

__

scscscsc

"Good morning, Commander Hewley."

"Good morning."

"Commander."

Angeal answered the acknowledgment with a nod. He was friendly with most of the people he knew in ShinRa, largely because most of them were good people working for a questionable organization. Angeal sympathized, and sometimes wondered if they tried, as he did, to balance their lives out by doing good. Not that Angeal's mind dwelt on any kind of scale when he planted a tree, or spoke kindly to a younger comrade, or gave all he had in his pocket to a beggar. Angeal did these things merely because he was Angeal, and he knew no other way.

"Commander!" The voice came from behind, with the sound of booted steps moving at a hurried pace.

"Halloran," Angeal said by way of greeting as he turned. "Seems everyone's busy today."

The younger SOLDIER grinned. "Always happens when we get a batch of new ones, paperwork seem to triple."

Batch - it was a funny way to describe new SOLDIERs. But it seemed to fit, since they were charged with molding these young boys into hardened warriors. Every day a new group of recruits came into SOLDIER was an exciting one, but for Angeal there was also a sadness to it. So much innocence had to be lost, innocence, the only thing everyone was freely given.

"Anyway," Lieutenant Halloran went on, "Commander Lefler's busy, of course, so he asked me to pass a request on to you."

"All right. What is it?"

Halloran hesitated, the way most SOLDIERs did before mentioning - "It's to do with Commander Rhapsodos, sir. The executives haven't yet gotten his report on the mission following the Liora massacre."

The name instantly brought out the details out of Angeal's memory. Liora was a small port near Mideel which had been the recent site of cult activity under a charismatic but insane leader, Garyn Wesley, who'd encouraged his followers to perform acts of rape and cannibalism to appease the dark god Diabolos. The townspeople had risen up against the cult, and with the aid of SOLDIER eradicated it. The people were so incensed and violent that many women and even children of the cult were killed; SOLDIER's ultimate task there had been to protect those who had surrendered.

Angeal understood. "And the department didn't want to ask Genesis for it, so it was delegated to Lefler, who delegated it to you, and now..."

"Sorry, sir. Commander Rhapsodos is just so..."

"I know. It's been two weeks, the report should be done. I'll get it from him."

"Sir..." Halloran was looking less sure of himself by the minute. "A question, if I may?"

"Speak freely. With me, always."

"The others have been...saying some things about Commander Rhapsodos."

"They always do. Always have."

"Sir, now they're saying that it wasn't Turks that took out Wesley, that it was Genesis himself." Halloran shifted from one foot to the other. "They say that Turks only found the body, and that all the blood was drained from it."

Thankfully Angeal was an expert by now at dismissing rumors; the fact that the missing-blood detail was common knowledge alarmed him more than he showed.

"Hal, I wasn't there, but if Wesley was missing his blood, I'd suspect his followers are to blame. Cannibals, remember?"

"Oh, yeah." Halloran nodded, not seeing Angeal's muted relief. "I think I heard that drinking blood was part of their rituals. Maybe Wesley killed himself, or his followers did it so he wouldn't end up a prisoner."

"Makes sense."

Halloran saluted, clapping his arms to his sides and standing up rigidly straight. "Sorry to take up so much of your time, sir. Thank you."

Angeal nodded, and let a cold shudder rush through him as he walked away. Genesis was an enigma to all but those close to him, and even skilled warriors like the 1st Classes whispered uneasy rumors about him. Genesis in turn perpetuated his reputation for oddity - hardly being seen in daylight around the Compound, supposedly stalking it at night like a living ghost. He trained alone and rarely took anything but solo missions, shunning the company of his peers and taking no part in leading SOLDIER or teaching lower ranks. He was allowed his eccentricity because his missions never failed and he was a member of SOLDIER's famous original trio, and though whispers could be heard that he was inhuman in one way or another, most simply considered him strange.

Angeal was hoping it would stay that way. The truth was dangerous, and just as hard to believe anyway.

He knew he was nearing the building's enormous gymnasium when the sound of movement and excited chatter began to reach him through the thick walls. The cadets would have just come in from a five-mile run, and were being observed before the next set of exercises. The group in the gym would number roughly a hundred, and would be those who had passed all the tests so far, including a written exam. They would be an elite group ready for the adventure and excitement SOLDIER would be...with all their lives ahead of them. It made Angeal feel nostalgic, which he often was, and old, which he was not.

He reached the door he had been aiming for just as the thought occurred to him - he should get this business with Genesis over with first. It was sad that he should dread visiting the man who had been his best friend, but Angeal wanted that part of his day done before he let himself be enthused by the sight of new recruits. It seemed only moments before he found himself in the White Building, stepping into an elevator and pressing the 18 button.

The eighteenth floor was nearly deserted, Genesis being the only one to occupy it. Angeal suspected this arrangement had been put into place by ShinRa for safety reasons.

_All while they claim he's under control._

Two brisk knocks brought Genesis to open the door, and he looked utterly unsurprised to see who it was. The man's greenish-blue eyes regarded Angeal sullenly, but nonetheless he opened the door wide without a word and gestured for Angeal to come in. Angeal noted, as he stepped inside, that the current decor was in shades of red, from bright to maroon. The sight made him wince before he turned around.

"Genesis."

"Angeal." The voice was hoarse, as though not used in a long time.

Another wince - Angeal remembered what a talented singer Genesis had been.

"How have you been?"

A hollow laugh answered him. For a few moments Angeal thought that's all he would get, but then - "I am the same as before. Did you expect to see dead animals littered around the place?"

A cold glare accompanied the question. Angeal remembered that Genesis's eyes were once a perfect cornflower blue.

"No."

Now a strange smile. "Or human bodies, perhaps?"

"Of course not, Genesis."

"Really? I know what people whisper about me. Just because I avoid company doesn't mean I don't listen."

Angeal sighed wearily. "Why would I believe the worst of you, Gen? We used to be - "

"Yes. Used to be. Why did you come here?"

Honestly, Angeal had briefly forgotten. "You haven't filed your final report on Liora. I heard about it and offered to remind you."

"Oh, yes. I'll have it in soon. I'm still deciding what to write."

"The truth is the easiest, isn't it?"

Genesis stared at him for several seconds, and the unpleasant smile returned. "It must be interesting being you, 'Geal."

"Genesis, if there's something I can do to help you - "

"I'm no maiden awaiting rescue, or noble prince fighting a charming affliction. I'm nothing compatible with your precious honor, Angeal. Not anymore."

"Hollander, then."

"The old fool has done all he can. You'll notice I still take weekly deliveries from several butchers."

Quietly, Angeal said "Sometimes surviving alone is honorable."

"Not the way I do it. Was there anything else?"

"Gen...I hate this. Don't you hate this? We used to be closer than brothers. Now we've barely spoken in years. I only hear how you're doing from Seph."

Genesis went very still, and the green in his eyes intensified. "Had to bring him up, hmm? You must see such a lot of Sephiroth."

"We're both busy."

"But not _too_ busy."

"This again, Gen? It was one time. It was never meant to be any more. I'm sorry you saw it, but for the millionth time, I was just trying to help him."

"Oh, really? Silly me, it looked like you were fucking him." Genesis's rage, carefully held inside, made the room feel cold by comparison.

"I told you, he needed to see that it doesn't have to hurt," Angeal said, now angry himself, though only partially at Genesis.

"Hurt? Who's capable of hurting perfect Sephiroth?"

"You know very well who, Genesis. Just because you refuse to believe it doesn't mean it didn't happen."

"You know what I think, 'Geal? I think you like making Sephiroth out to be some poor victim you need to save. It's not honorable to betray your best friend, but helping your other friend with your magical healing cock? Now, that's a true hero for you."

The venom in Genesis's words was thicker than fog. It took Angeal a moment to realize he had raised and aimed a fist, and another few moments for Genesis to react.

"'We have gathered here, heart's brother, to see the Goddess's will revealed. Like an arrow loosed from her bow, your path has led you to me, and mine to you.'"

Angeal dropped his hand back to his side, and Genesis sneered.

"Coward."

"I don't want to hate you, Gen. Please stop trying to make me."

"I'd prefer it to this disgusting pity. I'm the last man who deserves pity, Angeal. I am more than man, more than any hero who has come before."

"I don't understand."

"You do. Otherwise, you would have expected to find bodies in here." Genesis's expression was merciless. "Go."

On the elevator, Angeal realized his hands were shaking, and flattened them against the cool metal door to steady them. Genesis was getting worse. Aside from his paleness, he was far colder than he used to be - the difference between a child's meanness and an adult's cruelty. He was obviously still drinking blood, he'd said as much. Genesis had not admitted to attacking humans, Angeal noted. It pained him to not quite believe his old comrade, his childhood friend.

It was a lovely autumn day, cloudless, and just what Angeal needed as he headed back to the cadets' building - it melted some of the hurt out of him. Once he made sure the back hallway was clear, Angeal ducked into the broom closet and up through the secret entrance to the roof of the gymnasium, where one could watch the gym below, observe while remaining unseen.

Sephiroth had been expecting him, and turned to greet him with a nod.

"Seph. How are the newbies?"

"They are spirited. Perhaps they don't realize the work they'll have to put in as SOLDIER candidates."

"Well, they're young. Thinking about heroics, not obstacle courses. We'll soon change that."

"You are late."

No sense hiding it. "I stopped to see Genesis."

Sephiroth's flawless face did not so much as quiver, but his shoulders beneath his trademark jacket slumped just a bit.

"Seph, I think Genesis should be restricted to the Compound again."

"I cannot lend my voice to your request when I disagree."

"You've heard the same news as I, about mysterious deaths under the Plate."

"Murder is commonplace in the slums. The number of bodies discovered has not risen."

"But the number of the missing has! Genesis is clever enough to hide or destroy dead bodies. What about that fire in Zone 40? At least five corpses were too incincerated to be identified." Angeal sighed. "Seph, I don't want to believe it either."

"I asked Genesis plainly if he was killing humans for blood," Sephiroth said softly. He was looking out over the gym, not at Angeal. "He said no."

"Even friends lie sometimes."

"I believe...I think he has begun to hate me."

"Seph." Angeal lifted a hand toward Sephiroth, and with unspoken permission, touched his shoulder. "Genesis loves you, you at least if nothing else. He's just bitter."

"Because I refused him."

"Seph, there was nothing else you could have done. If you had agreed to be with him without really wanting to be, you would have only made it worse. Do you understand?"

"I believe so. I have tried to be kind to him. But the ways of the heart are strange to me. I was born for fighting."

Angeal's hand shook him gently. "Hey, there's someone out there for you. It's just not Gen."

"And you, Angeal?"

"The same for me. Trust me, when we find the ones right for us, it'll be a good thing. The whole world around that person will drop away, and we'll never want anyone else again."

Sephiroth turned back to him. "How do you know?"

_Because that's what Gen said about you._

"Well, that's how it always is in stories. They can't all be wrong."

Sephiroth smiled very faintly, and went back to looking out over the gym floor, where a marching exercise had just ended. The cadets were now clustered in groups, talking to their supervisors and each other. Angeal scanned the crowd, noting heights and posture and demonstration of leadership quality, and when it reached one cadet, smaller than most, Angeal froze, knowing his gaze couldn't shift even if he wanted it to.

He was never able to explain it afterwards, not to the 1sts who lovingly teased him or to Hollander who asked with a scientist's curiosity. It was just a group of roughhousing boys he was looking at. It was just that his eyes fell on one who was smiling but staying back from the crowd, almost alone already. Byt the time a red-haired boy began to talk to the loner, Angeal had already stopped breathing. Inhaling and exhaling would have felt new to him when he restarted, had he been paying attention to anything but the boy.

Everything - Sephiroth, the gym, the planet - faded into the periphery, framed around the spiky-haired boy with the heartthrob smile. He was so small from this height, but somehow he filled Angeal's field of vision. Even without using what 1sts called the 'zoom view', Angeal could see the gentle wave of black spikes as the boy bounced on his heels, the hardening jaw still soft with youth, the eyes that were an impossibly pale blue. Angeal was sure he'd never seen eyes that color, just as sure as he now was that he had never felt any emotion before this, and this new sensation threatened to crush him. It wasn't infatuation, as much as it was a strange kind of recognition, a _There you are, I've been waiting for you for so long._

Angeal wanted to leap down to the floor below and see if the feeling was mutual, he wanted to turn to Seph and tell him that the world had changed in an instant, become harsher, become more beautiful and more perilous. Angeal wanted to shout that the turning planet had a still point, a tiny dot of simple perfection, and it was this boy who couldn't be more than fifteen. The fact that he was beautiful was incidental. What mattered was that he was _there_.

"Angeal, are you all right? Why are you trying not to blink?"

It took Angeal a few tries to croak out the other's name. "Seph, who is that? Far left corner, black spiky hair, blue eyes."

He had assumed Sephiroth would have all their files memorized by now, and the answer told him he was correct.

"Zack Fair, from Gongaga. Several instructors have already marked his file. Of all the new recruits, Fair shows the most promise. Is that why you keep looking at him?"

"Seph...do you remember when I told you I don't believe in love at first sight?"

"Yes."

"I still don't, but I think...maybe I'm wrong."

"Angeal?" Sephiroth was clearly concerned. "Your voice makes you sound far away."

Angeal laughed shortly, but there was little mirth in it. "Oh, I'm here. I'm tethered to this spot, because he's here. Seph, I think a part of me just died, and I'm terrified, but so happy too. Just to know he exists...so happy."

"Angeal, are you saying that you have fallen in love?"

"I...I think so. Gaia, the longing is so terrible that I pity Genesis all over again, but this happiness? Does he feel that too?"

"Angeal, I am glad for you," Sephiroth said with sincerity. "The next right thing to do, I assume, would be to ascertain whether Fair feels the same."

Angeal seemed to snap out of his trance at that. "Oh no, I couldn't! Certainly not yet."

"Why? Is this not a good thing?"

"He's still a child, Seph. He shouldn't have to worry about major commitments yet."

Sephiroth shrugged. "He will not always be. Sixteen is the age of consent in Gongaga, as it is here. And is it not a major commitment to sign up for SOLDIER?"

Angeal stared down at the boy with a wistful smile on his lips. "That's true."

"Also, you surely will want to tell him of your feelings before he chooses to be with someone else."

"Yes...but no, I have to wait. Even if he felt the same, it would be too unequal a relationship. Do you think he'll survive to become a SOLDIER?"

"I feel certain."

Leaning on the railing that separated them from a fall, Angeal smiled again, his eyes glowing. "Then I'll wait. I can wait. I'll watch over him, help keep him safe and help him grow strong, and when he's a SOLDIER, I'll tell him how I feel. When he's older, I'll let him decide."

Sephiroth seemed surprised. "You are willing to wait?"

To his surprise, Angeal laughed. "I've already waited more than twenty years to know I can feel this way. A few more is nothing, as long as I can see him, maybe be friendly with him. That won't look suspicious or anything, I always help train the recruits. Right, Seph?"

"Angeal, are you sure you are all right?"

"I'm wonderful, Seph. Better than I've ever been."

Sephiroth was frowning in a way that seemed to indicate he wasn't sure, but he nodded. "I must go, I have a meeting with Lazard. Are you coming?"

"I'll stay here a little longer."

Once alone, Angeal continued to watch the cadets practice marching, saluting, and presenting arms. Zack (a name Angeal instantly loved) seemed to have little or no trouble with anything that was asked of him (Angeal made a note to check his file for previous military experience, then commit the whole file to memory). The boy smiled, but his eyes were serious, taking in everything he saw very carefully. He was not very tall or noticeably muscular, but had the wiry body of a youth who'd grown up running and swimming and climbing. Yes, once he put some muscle weight on, he could be an exceptional SOLDIER.

There were two such railed hidden places in each of the Compound's gymnasiums from which you could watch the activity below. Angeal was wondering whether he should check out the view from the other side of the gym when he noticed that it was not vacant. A figure was there, had been for who knows how long, now looking at Angeal with a knowing and sinister smile. Genesis.

_Oh no, please, Gaia, don't let him know who I was looking at._

Slowly, as nonchalantly as possible, Angeal backed away from the railing and headed to the trap door. Genesis began to do the same, and as he slid down into the broom closet, Angeal had a sinking feeling that Genesis might look for him now, ask him what he and Sephiroth were doing or how the new recruits looked. As he walked, Angeal began thinking of mundane things to say, knowing all the while with a sigh that he couldn't get the stars out of his eyes.

__

scscscsc

Cloud awoke with a smile to find Zack laughing above him.

"Well, that was about as mushy as I expected," the older boy laughed.

Cloud angled his head to look at Angeal, who seemed contentedly pensive. "That's how Genesis found out about you and Zack?"

"I don't think he knew it was Zack until Seph told him. Seph was only trying to help, of course." Angeal smiled. "He always tried to do the right thing."

"Tries," Cloud said, "tries, not tried. He's not gone and I'm gonna get him back. Who's next?"

**To be continued.**


	8. Damaged People

"The tide flows down, the wave again  
Is vocal in its wooded walls;  
My deeper anguish also falls,  
And I can speak a little then."  
\- Tennyson, "In Memoriam, A.H.H."

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 8 - Damaged People**

 

_"The Goddess made the planet, the Goddess is the planet. By putting your hands into the earth you caress her skin; by touching the springy moss you stroke her hair. Her arms reach out to us like trees, cradling this lonely sphere and keeping it safe from sadness. The wind is her breath and her laughter thunderous. Rain is her gift to the green and growing things, and to mankind, for it is said that a cold rainfall may wash away a man's sorrow._

_In the long-ago dark, there was everything, and nothing. She drifted among the stars, alone for many millennia of millennia. There had once been others of her kind, but they had all drifted to their separate destinies. Sometimes in the dark the Goddess whispered their names to the stars so she would not forget them, and her own name, so she would remember it as well. For She dimly recalled a promise made to Her, made long before, that there was a love promised to Her, and She would know him because he would call to Her by this name._

_He came at last, a being bright with life and pulsing with the energy of a thousand stars. Omega she named him, the word which to the Cetra meant both a beginning and an end. So great was the joy of the Goddess that She threw herself into his arms. But She had forgotten Her own strength, and in embracing Omega She fractured him into millions and millions of pieces. He drifted around Her like fish in the ocean, no longer able to speak._

_All was not lost. The great Goddess bent herself double with grief, then curled Herself into a circle. She made Herself into the shell of a planet, then set the forests and the fields growing, the seas and rivers churning, the mountains stretching upward to the sky. Then She gathered Omega and placed him at Her center, where his spirit formed a thick stream of life. She fashioned animals and humans out of Herself, and little sparks of the Lifestream came into them and made them move. Gaia gave Omega's old power of speech to the humans, and though at first they babbled like children, eventually they grew into camps, and settlements, and cities._

_One of these races of people called themselves the Cetra, though now they are often simply referred to as the Ancients. Of all Gaia's people, these Cetra were best at discerning the Goddess's words, and many of them could hear Her speak as clearly as one mortal to another. To the Cetra she gave the task of caring for Her planet-self, and in return for this made a promise that after death, all the planet's people would return to the Lifestream and be reunited with everyone they had lost. For in the Lifestream, all the planet's people rejoin with the collective whole, many small points of light forming a single flame. To the Cetra alone Gaia offered the choice: whether to retain their earthly personalities in the Lifestream, or be dissolved into the joyful ether._

_The Cetra were eager students, and while their civilization thrived they were regarded as wise ones, healers, and teachers. They taught the others about the Goddess who made them all, as well as more practical skills like fishing, hunting, and agriculture. For at this time, the Cetra were able to coexist in harmony with the other race, though it rapidly began to outnumber them. It mattered not; there was room for all, and as the Goddess slept and dreamed the history of the world, Her people lived and died and lived again, honoring Her and one another. Tribal war was rare and abhored by all, this waste of human life. Mankind long lived in relative peace._

_Before the Calamity came thundering down from a distant sky, it was believed that peace would last forever." Loveless._

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**The Second Harbinger**

When the middle-aged man approached them, Cloud felt almost certain he knew him from somewhere. The shaggy brown hair, the salt-and-pepper beard, the bemused and twinkling eyes full of warmth and curiosity - all these were familiar. Cloud didn't realize until the man hugged Aerith where he knew him from - the video journal he had seen of Gast Faremis and his wife Ifalna and their daughter Aerith. So this was the famous scientist who had given up ShinRa for his family, only to die and lose them until the reunion of death.

This was the man of whom Sephiroth spoke with respect and, perhaps, a hint of fondness; who cried at the mere mention of his name. And Cloud recalled something Vincent had once said: "Science and the planet lived side by side in that old man's heart."

"It's an honor, sir," Cloud said when Gast had finished greeting the others.

"Too much honor, son," the gentle voice sighed, and bright brown eyes flickered wistfully over Cloud. "Don't forget, I was the originator of the Jenova Project. I wanted to create people with the powers of the Ancients."

"But you didn't intend to hurt anyone."

"My aim was to be able to communicate with the planet. In my folly, I took Jenova for an Ancient and thought we could use her genetic material to create new Cetra. Folly, folly! When I could not convince Hojo to stop, I ran away with my wife...and then Aerith was born to us, the answer to both of our deepest prayers."

Here Gast cast a loving look at Aerith, which she returned.

"Sir," Cloud began, "why did you want to communicate with the planet?"

"To know what She wants of us, of course," Gast said softly. "In death I know that it's only that we be loving to Her, and to each other. But as younger man, I identified with the tale of the three heroes who try, each in their way, to serve Her. Eventually I discovered that that we all do Her will. There is nothing else we can do. We're all, each of us, a part of Her dream, waiting for Her to waken and take us with Her on Her next journey through the stars."

For some reason he couldn't name, Cloud felt the beginnings of tears in his eyes. He blinked them away and said, "Sephiroth too? Is all the evil he's done part of Gaia's plan?"

In a grandfatherly manner, Gast took hold of one of Cloud's shoulders and squeezed it. "Ah, son, don't forget. Sephiroth hasn't had a will of his own since the night Jenova made him burn your village to the ground. You must remember who you're fighting, and who you're fighting for."

"But..." It seemed like all the fears Cloud had been suppressing were being pulled forth by the old man's kindness. "What if there's nothing left of Sephiroth? Or what if he's serving her willingly?"

"Sephiroth survived the terrible life I left him to," Gast said, his eyes wet. "He survived the labs and Hojo and too many battles to count. He was a good boy and became a good man, when anyone else would have been crushed by the weight of fame and sorrow. That's the Sephiroth that loves you, Cloud Strife. That's the Sephiroth you'll find when you pull him from her clutches. And when you do, I hope you'll tell him...how sorry I was to leave him behind."

The wetness had become tears now, streaming out of Gast's eyes, but his expression was resolute, lending Cloud strength. He felt for the hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it back.

"I'll tell him. I'll get him back, and I'll tell him."

"Thank you, son."

"Dad, are you sure you want to do this?" Aerith asked. Tender-hearted Aerith, who wept for buds that failed to blossom. "It will be just like re-living it."

"Then I'm more sure than ever," Gast said, gesturing Cloud to the stone bier. "I lived with my sadness, and I'll keep it with me always. But I would like to see him again, as he was."

"Dr. Gast knew Sephiroth before we did, and probably better than anyone," Angeal said, standing nearby with Zack. "His insight should be invaluable."

Laying back, Cloud looked at Gast. "I truly am honored, sir."

"You're the hero, Cloud, the one who will save the boy I loved like a son. The honor is all mine."

The scientist's hand touched the heat of Cloud's forehead. With no further warning, the world dropped away.

__

scscscsc

"Good morning, Dr. Faremis."

"Dr. Faremis."

"Dr. Faremis, good day."

Gast nodded genially to the doctors, lab workers and security guards who greeted him. He was well-liked for his friendly manner, more even than he was respected for his reputation as a world-renowned scientist in biology, zoology and anthropology. He was the father of genetics, the discoverer of four new species, and donated his free time and money to a free medical clinic for the poor in the slums. A starry-eyed secretary had once told Gast that he seemed more like a character from a novel than a living person.

Privately, Gast had thought to himself that living in a book would be nice. Then he could turn a few pages ahead and see the outcomes of his work. And maybe tear out all the pages that had Hojo on them.

His feelings for Hojo were complicated, and that was about the nicest word Gast could use. Logically, Hojo should be a source of pride. He was the single most gifted and ambitious student Gast had ever had. He knew he commanded the younger man's respect and admiration, however grudging it might be. Hojo had been the only other scientist who also believed that the discovery of Jenova was a chance to resurrect the nearly extinct Cetra. Others had tried to warn Gast away from ShinRa, away from these crazy ideas, but he was resolute. There was too much hurt and unhappiness on the planet, because there were no Cetra left to listen to the planet and learn how to make it better.

Jenova was a chance too good to pass up. Gast's only regret, the only drawback, was that obviously, human subjects were required. The first round of tests had been to inject volunteers with her DNA, synthesized from samples of tissue. Hojo had seemed angry that no one foamed at the mouth and fell into a seizure, but Gast was relieved, and encouraged. Exposure to a small amount of of the creature's essence caused in the subjects brief periods of super strength and speed, no negative side effects observed. The reports to ShinRa were promising, and funding came easily.

Looking back, Gast remembered that it was Hollander, not Hojo, who first said the next obvious step was to mix the Jenova samples with mako. Mako, he argued, would cause the effects of Jenova to be much longer-lasting; it would bind Jenova to a person's body chemistry. Hollander who pushed them forward but, Gast suspected, having been ordered to do so by Hojo.

More volunteers were brought in, mostly young men in need of money and prisoners who had been forgotten by their families. Each received a Jenova-infused mako injection, and soon the heavily-guarded athletic room was full of men leaping high enough to reach the windows, sparring with each other almost too quickly to mark each move, running and exclaiming they'd never felt so alive. Thank Gaia for the funding this got them - the effects lasted thirty days this time. ShinRa was thrilled, and immediately began plans to create an army of superior soldiers.

Gast found himself depressed, and wondering what had gone wrong. He had become weak enough to listen to Hojo's argument that a full-grown adult could never simply become a Cetra, no matter what he was injected with. It had to be a child, it had to be done in the womb while the fetus was forming. Although Gast was at first horrifed, gradually the idea grew on him. A forming baby, exposed to Jenova, could possibly be born with the traits of the Cetra. And when one of their on-going subjects, Gillian Hewley, informed Hollander she was pregnant, it seemed like fate had decided for them.

Gillian, as Hollander's off-and-on lover, had become involved in the human testing originally out of the man's kindness and care for her. Gillian had inherited a disease from her distant Wutaian ancestors, a condition that caused her to have an insufficient amount of blood. The Jenova-mako solution seemed to restore to her some energy and vitality, almost as though it replaced the blood. Hollander was pleased, both personally and professionally, and was allowed by the other scientists to christen the project with Gillian's intial. Project G continued.

When Genesis was born, he seemed like a perfectly normal infant, with a head of auburn hair and a tendency to wail loudly if he was left in his crib too long. They hadn't really known what to expect, Gast reminded them, but Hojo seemed disappointed, and would forever after refer to Genesis as "Gast's folly". It's not enough, he argued, to expose the expectant mother to Jenova. The child itself must be injected with Jenova cells as it formed in the womb.

"That's going too far," Gast had said, though he knew Hojo wouldn't stop. Angeal's birth, Gillian's own child, was as unremarkable as Genesis's, and that seemed to be the deciding factor for Hojo. When he announced the pregnancy of his wife Lucrecia, Hojo also declared that he had already begun the Jenova injections into the fetus.

"Why do you stay?" Ifalna asked him later on, when they were in love and sharing all their dreams and secrets. It was a good question. Gast's hold on the Jenova Project was growing more slippery day by day. ShinRa more and more began to look to Hojo for progress and answers, Hojo who was willing to do anything, sacrifice anyone. It was only Ifalna's pregnancy at last that tore him away, out of fear this child too would grow up isolated in a lab. Put plainly, the reason he stayed was Sephiroth.

Gast had been the second person to hold Hojo and Lucrecia's child, and when he looked down past the silver hair into the silver eyes, he felt a connection, as though he'd known this tiny person all his life. He felt a responsibility to protect this baby as much as possible from Hojo's influence and coldness. And above all, Gast loved the boy like his own. From the first time Sephiroth's little hand grabbed his thumb, Gast knew his feelings for the child were inviolable.

On this day, a day just like so many others, Gast was on his way to see Sephiroth, and had the misfortune to meet up with Hojo first.

"What is that?" Hojo asked by way of greeting, gesturing to the book under Gast's arm.

"Oh, it's a book I loved when I was seven, for Sephiroth. It's about a kidnapped princess and the knight who rescues her."

Hojo gave him a disdainful look. "I suppose that's all right. Sephiroth is reading Kurosawa's multivolume series on war tactics, but if you really feel the need to distract him with such fluff, go right ahead."

"He doesn't get enough time to be a kid." It was an old argument, one Gast knew he'd never win.

"He is not a kid. He's a prized subject who currently happens to be a child. When he's grown, he will be an unbeatable warrior who possesses the power of the Ancients. While ShinRa makes use of him for conquest and all that nonsense, we can finally move forward with a breeding program."

Gast felt nauseated. "You're talking about breeding already? He's seven. He's your own - "

"Subject," Hojo hissed, his cold eyes narrowing. "I trust that is what you were going to say."

As much as it fed Hojo's ego to be the biological father of a genius and a future war hero, he did not allow his connection to Sephiroth to be mentioned or written of. Hojo believed Sephiroth would only reach his true potential if he had no bothersome family attachments or friendships to distract him. He only allowed the boy to play with Angeal and Genesis, Gast believed, because he liked seeing how superior his creation was to Hollander's.

"Sephiroth has a sword lesson in less than an hour. Be finished with him by then," Hojo said, and walked away, nearly pushing aside an assistant as he went.

Sephiroth's rooms, a bedroom with an adjoining bathroom, were located at the far end of the enormous laboratory complex, a quieter part of it where the boy slept and studied. As Gast entered, he thought for the hundredth time how spartan it was, and wished Sephiroth had a favorite color so they could paint the white walls.

"Good morning, Sephiroth."

The pale, silver-haired child was seated at the room's desk, with a thick book opened in front of him. He looked up, and a faint smile crossed his face before polite detachment chased it away. He only smiled at all when he and Gast were alone.

"Good morning, Doctor."

"Enjoying your reading?"

"Kurosawa's written works offer information that I will find useful in completing my lessons."

That had been another of Gast's lost battles. Even though only seven, Sephiroth was privately tutored in not only reading, mathematics, and science, but weapons and war strategy as well. Gast stopped arguing against these not because Sephiroth excelled in them all, but because the boy seemed to genuinely like learning.

"I'll take that as a yes. Here, I brought you something."

"Why?"

Gast was used to the child questioning every kindness, but it still stung. "It's a story I liked when I was your age."

"Thank you, Doctor," Sephiroth said, and accepted it.

"I hope you like it. That will drive Hojo crazy."

The two of them shared a brief, mischievous smile. Sephiroth was rigidly polite to Hojo as he was to everyone, but liked him even less than most people did. Most people didn't have to endure Hojo's painful injections and constant examinations and condescending questions, at least not on a daily basis.

"Has Angeal answered your letter yet?"

Sephiroth nodded. "He stated that he and Genesis are eager for the summer, and for me to visit them then."

"I'm glad you'll get to see them. It's good for you to spend time with boys your own age."

"Dr. Hojo does not think so. He has told me he'll be displeased if I pick up any bad habits from Angeal and Genesis."

"I don't think you will. Angeal's a good kid, and Genesis...well, he's perhaps overly spirited, but he seems nice enough."

"Doctor, may I discuss something with you?"

"Of course, Sephiroth. What is it?"

The boy hesitated, which was rather unlike him. "Angeal and Genesis often speak of their mothers. This caused me to become curious about my own mother. I asked Dr. Hojo, and he said my mother's name was Jenova."

Without any change of expression, Gast felt a wave of disgust go through him. He hadn't known Lucrecia Crescent enough to like or dislike her, but to write her completely out of her son's life seemed unnecessarily cruel. Well, Hojo had begun the lie, and as he had agreed to yours earlier, Gast had to perpetuate it.

"That's true."

"Is she dead?" Sephiroth asked, his perfect face a blank.

"Yes. She left you in our care shortly before she died of an illness. I'm sorry, but I don't know any more than that."

"Why would my mother leave me with Dr. Hojo?" Sephiroth said quietly, more to himself than Gast.

Gast was pained by the whispered question. He wasn't allowed to be present during Sephiroth's examinations and injections, no one but Hojo was, so Gast had no way of knowing whether Hojo was more unpleasant to the boy privately than he was publicly. Judging by Sephiroth's dislike of the man and any time he had to spend alone with him, though...Gast could hazard a guess.

"I don't know what your mother's reasons were," Gast said, and that at least was true. "But I'm sure she thought it was what's best for you. I'm sure she loved you very much."

 _Let me see him! Just once!_ A voice cried out from Gast's memory, and he remembered Lucrecia, a woman with Sephiroth's features and a brilliant mind, pushed out of her child's life the day he was born and dead soon after. He hadn't known her well, but never had he hated Hojo more.

"Angeal loves his mother, and Genesis dislikes his," the boy said thoughtfully, "but I feel nothing for mine. And since she is dead, I technically do not have a mother."

"It's okay, Sephiroth. You don't need to love your mother."

"Love? I do not love, Doctor. I am not capable of love."

The voice was so young and pure, the child so blankly cherubic. Though Gast had no way of knowing so, Sephiroth in that moment looked very like his adult self, calmly declaring what he had been taught were his limits.

"Who told you such a thing? Hojo?" Gast didn't need to wait for an answer. "He's wrong, Sephiroth. You're as capable of love as anyone else. Aren't you fond of Angeal and Genesis?" Gast paused here, thinking _Don't you care for me?_

Sephiroth nodded hesitantly. "But it is not the same thing."

"Well, one day, when you're grown up, you'll fall in love with someone who loves you back, and when that happens, you'll know the ability was with you all along. Sometimes it just takes the right person to come along and bring it out."

"Yes, Doctor," Sephiroth assented, though he didn't sound convinced.

"Love matters, Sephiroth, more than anything else in the world. More than this lab and Hojo and everything ShinRa expects of you. Remember that."

"Yes, Doctor."

 _But it doesn't matter,_ the child's liquid-mercury eyes seemed to say, _because I will not love or be loved._ The certainty of this thought was terrible to see, for someone who cared for the boy so much.

There was a tap at the door, and one of the senior lab workers poked his head in. "Excuse me, Dr. Faremis, but I have to escort Sephiroth to the sword master."

"Right. I'll see you later, Sephiroth."

"Good bye, Doctor."

Only months later, Gast was gone from ShinRa. That he'd escaped with only Ifalna was the single greatest regret of the man's life.

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Cloud sat up slowly, shaking off the remnants of the doctor's form and feelings. He saw that the man was blinking away tears, and wondered if Sephiroth knew how much Gast had wept for him, how much he cared.

_I'll tell him._

"Dr. Gast, did you try to take Sephiroth with you when you ran away?"

Gast nodded. "I don't have the heart to show you that. I think Hojo guessed that I was planning to run. That same week, he doubled the security around Sephiroth. I'd have been killed if I tried to take him, and I couldn't do that to Iflana, or to Sephiroth."

Zack wiped his eyes, and squeezed Angeal's hand when arms wrapped around him from behind. "I never knew what Seph went through as a kid. The only times he would ever talk about were with the ones with Angeal and Genesis."

"He didn't talk to us much about the labs," Angeal said, "even when Genesis and I started to spend time there."

"I'm grateful to all of you for being his friends," Gast said, looking around at them.

Cloud looked at Aerith, who was wearing an amused smile.

"Maybe I should've told Sephiroth whose daughter I was," she joked. "He might have been nicer to me."

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Early afternoon came with clouds beginning to spot the sky, hinting at some rain that might fall and wash Edge's streets and buildings clean. Andrew Lefler, former commander in ShinRa's SOLDIER division, followed his looming shadow down the busy main street, mostly looking at the ground with a moody, brooding expression but taking note of each sign he passed. When he found one that read 'Tony's Bar', he quickly ducked inside.

"Whiskey," he said to the young waitress who aporoached his booth. "Leave the bottle. And an extra glass for the friend I'm expecting."

He didn't have to wait long. The place was nearly empty at this time of the day, and the next rush of air from the open door preceded the sound of boots. It took only a few moments for the shaggy-red-haired man to find Lefler, and less time for the two to size each other up. In the old days, it had been said that SOLDIERs always recognized their own kind.

"It'll be a nice day if the clouds clear up."

"A cloudless day is always a nice one."

Malakh snorted and slid roughly into the booth's other side. "Is that signal really necessary? You told me once that you wouldn't forget my face."

"I remember, Highcliff. I remember catching you about to pour Jell-O packets into the 3rd Class pool. And in these dangerous times, precautions are wise. I told you on the phone that you might not recognize me after all these years."

"I wouldn't forget the face of the guy who made me run all those laps. So, why here? You've been monitoring Seventh Heaven, right? It's cleaner, I'd guess."

"And got a pretty barmaid, which helps pass the time."

Malakh grinned. "So you are a hetero. We wondered about that once, when we were cadets, who was and who wasn't."

Lefler gave that a short laugh. "To answer your question, I haven't decided how much Tifa Lockhart should know. Even if she is a capable fighter."

"It's decided, then? We fight ShinRa? Word is, President Rufus has the place reformed. Supposedly, he's even funding the WRO. What makes you think ShinRa - New ShinRa, we're supposed to call it - is our enemy?"

"They have Cloud Strife."

"They what?"

Lefler briefly looked around, then leaned forward over the table. "I've been bribing a lab assistant for information, as I told you on the phone. That's how we found out about the mystery Tsviet and the plans to resurrect Genesis Rhapsodos."

"Which proves New ShinRa is collectively insane," Malakh interjected, nodding.

"My informant called earlier today and reported that ShinRa has Cloud Strife apparently sedated and under heavy guard within the New ShinRa building. Their motives are unclear, but I seriously doubt Strife went willingly."

"Fuck." Malakh poured a glass of the amber-colored alcohol and drained it. "The hero of Meteorfall, captive and out of commission. If people knew, there'd be a panic. Maybe we should spread the word. New ShinRa's been trying to improve its rep, it might give in to avoid the negative publicity."

"Finn and I considered that. We also considered that the people revere Cloud as a hero. Just imagine how many might be hurt if they storm that building."

"I guess so," Malakh sighed. "So we form a party and go in ourselves?"

"I'm still waiting on more detailed information. But yes, it may come to that. Highcliff, let me be clear on this. I'm only taking the willing, you and Sada are under no obligation to be a part of this."

Malakh smiled. "I saw Cloud Strife the hero once, dodging reporters on that fancy bike of his. And I remembered where I'd seen him before, when I was a young SOLDIER. I almost asked him out, but Zack got all protective. Strife was Zack's buddy, helped him out so much after Commander Hewley's death. If Strife is in trouble, Hiro and I want in on saving him. We owe Zack's memory that much."

Lefler smiled grimly. "Sada is the one I caught you tying up in the boiler room that time, isn't he?"

"We were inspired by your lectures on discipline, sir."

Lefler laughed so loudly at that that three waitresses came over to see if he was okay.

**To be continued.**


	9. Because It Is Bound

"The shadow of the underworld;  
And all my memory was recoiled,  
Drawn back to the uneasy place  
Where each benign beginning is."  
\- David Wagoner

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 9 - Because It Is Bound**

**The Third Harbinger**

Hazy with color and cloud as this part of the Lifestream had become (Aerith had said many wisps of souls had gathered to see what was happening), Cloud at first thought it was a tall man who approached them next. As the figure neared, he was surprised to see it was a woman, an average sized one who walked with her back straight and an air of quiet dignity that was familiar, though Cloud had never seen her before.

"Mother." Angeal went to the stranger and kissed her, and allowed her to squeeze him for a few moments. "How are you?"

"The same as ever, dear. Your father sends his love."

Gillian turned her attention to Cloud then, piercing him with brown eyes that housed a keen and penetrating intelligence. Wordlessly she seemed to be sizing Cloud up, and wordlessly he was considering what he thought of her. A willing participant in the Jenova Project, an accomplice of Hollander's. But there was something about her that put Cloud in mind of his own mother, so when she smiled, he bowed his head.

"So you're the hero of Meteorfall. It's been a pleasure watching you fight," she said. "Call me Gillian, everyone does, except those two, who call me Mom."

Zack flashed a dopey grin.

"I wish I could say it's been a pleasure to fight," Cloud said, speaking more honestly than he'd intended to.

Gillian nodded, shaking long dark hair very much like her son's. She was young again in the Lifestream, or ageless, but bore the aura of a village wisewoman.

"Yes, some are born to the life, others have it thrust on them. You remind me of my husband. He could never bear to see life risked or wasted, so he made weapons instead of using them."

Cloud turned his head, and she nodded again.

"Yes, the Buster Sword was his last work, and greatest."

"Whichi is why Angeal loves it second only to me," Zack said lightly, and ducked a playful slap from his mother-in-law.

It was strange for Cloud, this happiness of the Lifestream, after being so used to a life full of stresses and danger around every corner. He felt awkward to be standing here, a living man among the joyful dead, like a shadow being cast in a bright room. Aerith, who had been watching closely, seemed to understand.

"It'll all make sense after you die, Cloud," she said with a touch of sadness. "What we have here is something the living can't understand. It's a release from a bondage you didn't even know held you."

"When you're used to storms, you find the calm unnerving," Gillian added. "What was that saying we had in Banora, Angeal?"

"After a sour apple, anything tastes sweet."

"That was it." Gillian straightened her cape, which she wore over a long dress. "Now, to business. I have a memory to offer you, Cloud. I don't know how much it will help you, if at all, but something tells me you'll need to know as much about Genesis as possible."

A faint cold passed through Cloud, remembering his brief abduction in Nibelheim by Genesis, the terror he had felt, the hatred of his traitorous body. Cloud reminded himself that he was no longer a weak boy, and tried to shake his feelings off like a coating of snow.

"Genesis? Is he alive?"

"At least as much as we are. But where, we don't know."

"I appreciated your help, ma'am."

Gillian shook her head and sighed. "Genesis was an angry child, and anger stayed with him as he grew. I often wonder what more I might have done to help him."

Her eyes followed Cloud as he laid back on the stone platform, looked down at him solemnly as her memory opened wide enough to encompass him. The last thing he remembered was her eyes growing big, pools of brown that swallowed him up.

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The month was May, perhaps the finest of each year for Banora. Spring had settled in comfortably across the land, and the sun shone with the promise of summer. Gilliant went around her small house opening all the windows, and listened to the children laughing and chasing each other around. Her Angeal didn't laugh as much as the others, but he was considerate and a big brother to all the younger kids. To Gillian, he was just about perfect, the reason she couldn't regret taking part in Project G.

In the small living area, light poured in from the window and fell gently onto an enormous sword, and Gillian remembered this weapon from the beginning of its life, from even before the steel hand been poured and hammered. Teigue Hewley had been a passionate man, and his eyes glinted with fire when he spoke of his magnum opus, a sword bigger and finer than any he'd ever created. Gillian remembered endless scribbled drawings, a long trip to acquire the best steel available. But mostly she remembered Teigue in the forge behind the house, bent over the red-orange-hot metal and lovingly tapping it bit by bit into what it would become.

The Buster Sword, he called it. When Gillian asked who commissioned it, Teigue smiled guiltily and confessed that no one had, that he had made the sword just to see if he could. Another wife might have been angry at the expense, especially considering they were the poorest family in the village, but Gillian was a dreamer, just like her husband. She merely asked to hold it, and the weight of the blade, as well as its surprising maneuverability, surprised her.

"Most swordsmiths wouldn't dare make a sword this size," Teigue spoke out of her memory, gentle and enthusiastic as she remembered. "They would say, who will buy a sword a strong man can scarcely lift? Who would want to carry such a burden everywhere he went? And how cumbersome you have made the most simple attacks, they will say. No, most people wouldn't understand."

Gillian had pushed the subject no further, and grew to think of the Buster Sword as a part of their family, a symbol of her husband's skill, and more than that. A symbol of his great heart. Much of the family's talk dwelt on the sword; it became what they had no matter how much they might have lacked. And Gillian remembered the day she lost her husband, the same day she finally felt she understood him.

Angeal had been young, seven years old, old enough to understand what was happening as he sat by his father's bedside. He knew to nod solemnly, and promise to be a good boy and to look after his mother. Then, with Angeal's small hand clasped in his own, Teigue brought up the sword, the one that was never far from their thoughts.

"Angeal, I'm leaving my greatest work to you, my greatest pride. You are a good boy, and I know you will be a good man. All your games are about protecting the weak and defending your friends. I know you will do those same things when you're grown, and you'll need a weapon for them. I made the Buster Sword heavy so that you'll grow strong enough to carry it. I know your heart is heavy now too, but it will mend, and one day be able to carry the great love I know you'll have for someone. Always remember, Angeal. Anyone can carry a sword. It's what you use it for that will matter."

"Mama?"

Startled, Gillian turned around. Angeal had come inside and was looking at her solemnly. He had brought the smell of grass and sunshine indoors with him, and not a bit of dirt as far as she could tell. Angeal was an unusually tidy boy.

"Are you all right, Mama?"

"Yes, dear. My thoughts must have wandered off."

He smiled; this was a game they played. "To Midgar?"

"Further?"

"Liora?"

"Further."

"Mideel?"

"That's the one."

"Are you feeling unwell?" No doubt Angeal was thinking of his mother's occasional trips to the medical clinic there.

"No, dear, I'm fine. Were you hoping to get rid of me?" Gillian joked. "Do you want to stay with Dr. Hollander again and see Sephiroth?"

Angeal sat down at the small table. Gillian poured two glasses of iced tea and joined him.

"Sure, I'd like to see Seph. But Genesis would be angry if he didn't get to go."

Genesis is always angry about something, Gillian thought, although she cared for the boy.

"Where is Genesis anyway?" It was a fine day, after school. Usually the two boys were inseparable till dark.

Angeal slumped glumly in his seat. "He got sent to bed early."

"This early? What for?"

"He called his mom a..." Angeal hesitated, uncertain if he was allowed to use the word. "...a whore."

Gillian shivered, having heard the mayor use that word a few times. "Then it's quite right that he be punished."

"But Gen said his dad calls her that all the time! Why are only adults allowed?"

Gillian found she didn't have a good answer for that. "That's just the way it is. Only adults can use adult language. Just like only c  
children can get away with stealing apples. It's the way things have always been in Banora."

"Okay, okay. Mama? Were you thinking about Dad when I came in?"

 _All of eleven years old,_ Gillian thought, _and he knows me this well._ "Yes, I was. Fond memories of him making that sword. He'd be so proud of the care you take of it."

It was true. Angeal kept the steel blade and the leather hilt clean and oiled, and used the sword sparingly, never as a toy. He occasionally showed it off to the other children, but only let Genesis touch it. It was a pleasant change for Gillian to see her family envied. And most importantly, Angeal was careful. He had never cut himself, not once. And he was already strong enough to hold the Buster above his head and spin it, though Gilliam always held her breath when she watched. It was sharp, after all. Angeal kept it sharp.

The boy smiled modestly. "Well, I did promise Dad I would do good things with it. Protect the weak, and defend people who can't defend themselves. When I'm a SOLDIER, I'll be able to do that."

Here Gillian forced a smile, though she wished Angeal had picked some less dangerous dream. It consoled her to know that Genesis and Sephiroth would be with him.

"Mama?" Angeal sounded more hesitant than usual. "Do you think there's some way I can help Genesis?"

"With what, dear?" She pretended not to know. They all did, in Banora.

"He's not happy at home. He says his parents fight all the time, and they even yell at him."

"Do they hit him?" Gillian asked. She would dare taking action if the abuse extended that far.

"No, but he hates it there," Angeal said glumly.

"Well, remind Genesis that he's always welcome here."

That made Angeal smile, for a moment. "What about his parents? Who can fix them?"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple, dear. Grownup problems are complicated. Maybe Eva and Gerald will work out their problems on their own."

"What if they don't?"

"Well, I'll tell Eva she's always welcome here too. And before she knows it, Genesis will be living at ShinRa and away from all his family problems."

"I'll be gone soon too. Will you be all right without me?"

"Yes, dear, as long as you promise to write. With my free time, I might finish that nursing degree I once started."

"Then you can help Mrs. Rhapsodos. Gen says sometimes he hits her."

That made Gillian's blood run hot, but she stayed calm. "Darling, until Eva asks someone for help, there's nothing we can really do."

Angeal suddenly looked like his thoughts were far away. "I think that's why Genesis is so angry at his mom all the time, because she doesn't stand up for herself. So he gets angry at everything. But he loves his dad. It doesn't make sense."

"Feelings are often like that. Sometimes the ones we hurt the most are the ones we love."

"Well, I won't be like that. I'd never hurt you, or Gen or Seph, or whoever I fall in love with."

"I know you'll try. But it's not always intentional. Think how often Genesis has made you angry, and I know you love him like a brother."

Angeal pouted, an unusually childish thing for him to do. "So there's no way to keep people from hurting each other?"

"There are ways. Just don't expect success every time."

Angeal frowned. "I think it hurts Genesis that he has to share Sephiroth with me. But I don't mean to hurt him."

"Sometimes intentions matter more than actions. Genesis is still very young. Maybe he'll appreciate you more when he's older."

"Oh, he appreciates me plenty. Just not always when Seph's around. Mama, do you think Seph's okay, in that lab all alone?"

"I'm sure he is, dear," Gillian said, though she thought otherwise. "And I'm sure he'll visit again soon. Sephiroth too is always welcome here."

"I know Seph likes to have time alone, and I understand that. But I don't think Gen does."

Gillian, who was aware of Genesis's crush on Sephiroth, shrugged her shoulders. "You know Genesis, he enjoys an audience."

"Yeah." Angeal was quiet for a long moment. "I'm gonna go stand under Gen's window so we can talk."

"If the mayor tells you to leave, you obey him, understand?"

"Yes, Mama."

Gillian watched him go with a wistful smile. If permitted, the two boys would talk all night about Sephiroth and SOLDIER and leaving the limitations this village imposed on them. All too soon, Angeal would walk out the door with the Buster on his back, never knowing that its forger was not his biological father. And he and Genesis would begin their adult lives, unaware that they were biologically almost brothers. Joined by blood and tissue from the thing Dr. Gast had named Jenova.

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**The Fourth Harbinger**

This time there was a long darkness between the memory and awakening, and Gillian had gone by the time Cloud stretched his stiff body and struggled to sit up. He found himself gazing at Angeal, marveling at how much of the adult had been in the child.

"Aw, wasn't Angeal an adorable kid?" Zack cooed.

"So," Cloud said slowly, "Genesis was in love with Sephiroth even then."

"I think so," Angeal said.

"What was it like you for you? I know I saw it, and felt it, but it seemed..."

"Too simple?"

Cloud nodded.

"Love is simple, Cloud, the most matter-of-fact thing in the world. It either is or it isn't. And it's not blind, although the poets like to say so. Sometimes the clarity of it is almost terrible. I saw all at once how empty my life had really been. I had never quite been happy. Not unhappy, but it's not the same thing."

"For me," Zack began, with an uncharacteristic shyness, "it was gradual, but sudden. I thought I was just having a massive crush, but it kept getting bigger, until I thought it might drown me."

Angeal's arm tightened around him, and Zack continued. "I hope the people who read my story understand. Angeal and I may have started out oddly, but in spite of Jenova, what we had was love. Still is."

"Cloud?" Aerith said gently. She remembered Cloud's faraway expression from their journey across the planet, when his mind was a puzzle trying to put itself together

"I...I don't what it was like for me. I know it must have started with a boyhood crush, but I can't remember a time when I didn't love Sephiroth."

"You two were meant to be together," Zack said confidently. "That's why this'll work."

"Who's next?" Cloud asked, easing himself back onto the bier.

A figure began to approach, black at first in the misty fog that surrounded them. As soon as the man's features became visible, Zack let out a loud whoop and ran to glomp the stranger.

"Hey, man! I haven't seen you since the day I got here!"

"Sorry, kid. I spend a lot of time around my folks. I think they can tell when I'm there."

"Cloud, this is Colin Moray."

Feeling a bit stunned (and thinking he should be used to greeting the dead), Cloud shook the offered hand.

"Good to know you, Cloud. And I'm glad that you're only here on a visit," Moray said with a smile.

Moray still had his way of making people around him comfortable, prompting Cloud to ask a blunt question. "So are you here to show me that Genesis didn't actually push you, because he's not really that bad?"

"Oh, he was that bad, and he certainly pushed me." Moray smiled again. "I've forgiven him, but he definitely did it."

"So, what is it you want to show me?"

"No one knew how it happened. I was dead, and Genesis never told anyone about it. I want you to know."

"You're sure you want to do this?" Angeal asked, addressing his former assistant. "You'll be reliving it along with Cloud."

"Yeah. As deaths go, it really wasn't so bad. Lefler always predicted I'd die at the hands of some native tribe I offended," Moray said good-naturedly. "I had a habit of blurting things out."

"I remember," Zack said with a kind laugh. "Sorry I lost track of your pendant, Colin."

"Don't be, it ended up where it's meant to be. Ready, Cloud?"

Almost before Cloud could nod, the Lifestream disappeared in a flash.

__

scscscsc

Anger was burning at the sides of Colin Moray's face and making his heart beat fast. He hated the feeling, hated the way it made control begin to slip from his grasp, and the resentment of what caused this made the fury burn hotter.

It must have been obvious to onlookers that something was the matter with him, judging by their stares and the way they got quickly out of his path. Lieutenant Neil called out "Ooh, _someone_ 's gonna get it!", but Moray didn't stop to respond. No sane SOLDIER started a fight with Genesis Rhapsodos, and he didn't want anyone trying to stop him. He stomped through the White Building's lobby into an elevator, and his footfalls were no lighter as he made his way to Commander Rhapsodos's door. He raised a fist to pound on it...and saw that the door was open a crack, swinging wide with the slightest pressure of his hand. The oddness of this unlocked door, this vulnerability, took Moray aback, but a fresh wave of anger washed over him.

"Rhapsodos! I'm coming in!"

The entrance immediately reminded him of the wings of a stage, with large wisps of white fabric falling like curtains all around him. Moray thrashed through them, a fly through a spider's web, starting to wonder for the first time if this was a good idea, and there was Genesis. He was kneeling before a glass coffee table, holding in his hands a photograph in an ornate silver frame. Moray zoom-viewed without thinking about it, and recognized the photo as one Angeal also kept - the famous Trinity as young teenagers, just beginning their career as SOLDIERs.

 _Angeal,_ Moray thought. _He wouldn't want me to do this. And probably not Zack either._ But he was here, and Genesis was unsteadily getting to his feet, and turning around with all the grace he could muster.

"Commander, I - "

It wasn't the anger twisting Genesis's fine features that made Moray pause, or the poison-green in his eyes. It wasn't a realization that this stunt could end his career as a SOLDIER.

It was that Genesis Rhapsodos, a brutal warrior second only to Sephiroth, was crying. His cheeks were dry, as though hastily wiped, but there was no mistaking the puffy redness of his glowing eyes, or the miserable look on his face.

Here, Moray halted. This was not how he'd imagined this would go. This was something he wasn't sure how to deal with. It seemed wrong to pick a fight with someone who was crying, the way it was wrong to cheat a child or harm an animal. Moray might have, in his confusion, mumbled an apology and ducked out, had Genesis not spoken.

"Think yourself a hero, Lieutenant? How pitiful you are, throwing your life away defending what's not even yours."

Anger that had begun to cool flared hot again. "I know it's you. I know you're the one behind all those mysterious deaths."

"Everyone knows it's me, they just don't dare say it. Anyway, those deaths are unimportant."

"The loss of innocent life is important!"

"But it's not why you've come. Tell me, just what is it about Zack Fair?" Genesis smirked. "I suppose his innocence is hard to resist, but trust me, it gets old quick when you get his pants down and try to play."

"You stay away from Zack," Moray growled through clenched teeth. "I don't know what's wrong between you and Commander Hewley, but Zack's not part of it."

"You are right, you don't know, so I'll tell you. It's really very simple." Genesis smiled, and in the white-filtered light his canine teeth resembled fangs. "Angeal took from me what I wanted. So I'm going to take away what he wants. Oh? You seem confused. Did you really think Angeal is mentoring the brat out of the goodness of his heart? How naive."

"You're lying."

"He hasn't fucked him yet, but it's only a matter of time. So what will it be, Colin, who deserves your righteous indignation more? The honest murderer or the secret molester?"

"I _know_ Angeal, I trust Angeal!"

Genesis looked at him with something close to pity. "No one knows Angeal but Sephiroth and I. No one else has had done to them what we have."

"That's no excuse!" Moray touched the dagger in his belt. "I'm here to make sure you never touch Zack again."

"Oh, but it was such fun. The puppy is so cute when he begs."

Moray flew at Genesis with his fists, but the latter was too fast for him. He ended up near the living room windows which let in the sunny midday air, facing a Genesis who was composed and completely unharmed.

"There is some heroic beauty in it," Genesis mused, "in giving your love to something lesser. Very well, Colin. The Goddess accepts your sacrifice."

Genesis was moving toward him so fast that everything else slowed, the curtains billowing with wind a fraction of an inch at a time. The touch of hands was strangely gentle, both when they gripped and when they let go. The sky was overhead, the sun that rose and set over Junon as well as Midgar, and it was speeding into the distance like a freight train.

Moray watched Genesis's face for the few seconds it took him to impact. His last thought was that Genesis's eyes had turned blue, and that they were crying again.

**To be continued.**


	10. Only the Dead Know

"Oh, what may man within him hide,  
Though an angel on the outward side!"  
\- William Shakespeare

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 10 - Only The Dead Know**

 

_As you might suspect, the second hero was not destroyed completely when he let himself fall into the Lifestream. True, his body burned away in the mako, delicately, like fire consuming paper. But so great was his devotion to Her that he did not feel any pain, did not notice his earthly shell was being destroyed until it was gone. The second hero found himself in a strange world of peace and comfort, all white and misty with a sea of stars above._

_She came to him then, in a human guise more noble than that of any queen, and all clad in armor. When the hero found his voice, he asked Her, without thinking, "My lady, who is it you fight?"_

_"The Calamity," She answered, without moving her lips. "The Dark One who fell from the sky."_

_"But surely, my lady, heroes such as I can defeat it for you."_

_She smiled, a warm, motherly smile. "Not you, but a hero like you will come, and with the aid of two others, he will defeat the Calamity. Until then, all I can ask of my champions is to do good deeds in my name."_

_"My lady, can I not go back, and do these noble deeds you speak of?"_

_"No," She said. "You have given up your earthly form to find me. But all is not lost. Your life of doing good has earned you a place here among the dead and unborn. You may watch with me as new heroes rise, and fall, and new ones take thier place, until the time comes for the Dark One to fall."_

_"What sort of people will they be, Lady?" the hero asked, betraying a hint of worry._

_With her eyes facing the future of this living world, the Goddess smiled, and did not answer._

__

scscscsc

"Synaptic net dive commencing."

Usually the monotone of Shelke Rui's voice was a comfort to Dr. Kanawa; it meant that work was proceeding. But lately it had seemed less and less likely they would succeed. Shelke was learning all kinds of information - about history, former civilizations, dead languages - but no sign of Genesis Rhapsodos. And they had searched nearly all the natural mako in the Banora area.

All around Kanawa, other doctors and technical personnel were analyzing and categorizing Shelke's data, too busy or too kind to remark to him that there were few hiding places left to search. Even Dr. Lowvale, who approached him, seemed less excited than usual.

"No sign of him yet?" Lowvale asked again.

"None."

"Sir, we have to consider that concentrated mako dissolves organic matter. Genesis's body may be long gone."

"I am prepared for that. We have bodies here - " Kanawa indicated the clones. " - if only we can locate his soul."

"Sir, I do have some news. One of my techs restored part of a deleted, encrypted file concerning that thing," Lowvale said quietly, gesturing to the other side of the lab.

"Excellent, what is it?"

"Apparently, Null the Obsidian was created as a failsafe, to take down Sephiroth if he ever proved to be too much to handle."

Kanawa nodded as he absorbed this. "Something stronger than Sephiroth? No wonder it's well-imprisoned."

"Sir...destroy it. Please."

"What?" Kanawa was taken aback. "What if we fail, and Strife fails, and Sephiroth runs loose on the world? You've just told me ShinRa is prepared for such a catastrophic event, and you want to throw that third chance away?"

"Sir, I don't like it. We can't be sure that thing will be loyal to ShinRa. And even then...all this creating the most powerful warrior to stop the one who was made before...I don't trust it. We're trying to make both sides even and it can't be done."

"I hear you, Lowvale, and your objections are noted. I will think on your request, but for now, my answer stands."

"Yes, Doctor."

Such was Dr. Kanawa's distraction that he didn't know he had approached the lab's exit until the door opened before him. He found himself taking the elevator up, walking a quiet corridor to a storage room dressed up as a makeshift infirmary. There was little he could do here, except take Reno's pulse and confirm that it was strong. He nodded to Tseng, who sat half in shadow in a corner, and received a nod in return.

"He doesn't seem to be aware of us." Kanawa's voice felt oddly painful in the room's dead silence.

"He knows I am here," Tseng murmured, and Kanawa wasn't sure what to say to that. "He talks sometimes, but not to me. Even so..."

"I believe I understand. Commander, you must be tired."

"As long as Reno is here, I will be. And someone must give the president constant updates, or he will be too distracted to attend to his duties."

"I must say, I'm surprised he hasn't come in and dragged Reno out."

"He wants to. But Reno may be what's keeping Strife alive."

"And so, even though we may not need Strife again..."

Tseng smiled sadly. "Cloud is a good man, and we have repaid his valor with betrayal too many times. I will allow no harm to come to him. I wish to honor a vow I made to Zack."

"Aha. And Zack Fair is that handsome young man on Cloud's other side?"

The half-transparent figure smiled cheekily. "Nice to meet you too, Doc." There was a pause. "I'm not gonna say that, Angeal. Don't be so possessive, jeez."

Tseng laughed, and Kanawa joined in, uneasily. He had heard stories of Angeal Hewley, and was uncertain what kind of power the dead could wield.

"Is Strife all right?" Kanawa asked.

"Cloud's cool," Zack answered, squeezing the hand he held. "Just having to process a lot of new information, and who knows how much of it will help him. Find Genesis yet?"

"No. Can you, the dead, not sense him at all?"

Kanawa asked this hopefully, but Zack shook his head.

"Nah. It's like he's not in the Lifestream at all. Same with Seph, but in Seph's case, Jenova may be masking him."

"Perhaps Gaia is shielding Genesis from you, Doctor," Tseng said.

"But why? Why would She?"

"Gaia protects Her heroes from enemies, right?" Zack said with a grin. "Maybe that includes nosy scientists."

__

scscscsc

**The Fifth Harbinger**

Cloud came out of Colin Moray's memory shaky and gasping, and the first thing he saw was Zack's concerned face.

"I'm all right," he choked out. "Just...I was falling for what seemed like a long time."

Moray was already gone by this time, and the next face Cloud saw was Angeal's.

"Genesis was sorry about Lieutenant Moray. I think that's what he wanted to tell me, that it was Jenova more than Genesis who did it."

Angeal let out a deep sigh, and nodded. "Thank you. I always hoped that was the case, but I was never sure."

"These memories sure are showing a different side of Genesis than the one I knew," Zack said, helping Cloud to sit up. "How funny would it be if he turned out to be a hero in disguise all this time?"

"A hero corrupted by darkness," Aerith said, and Cloud looked her way. Someone was standing with her, a Wutainese boy of no more than sixteen.

"Goro," Cloud whispered, and the boy nodded.

"An honor to meet you, Cloud Strife," Goro said, with a bow and a voice that was unusually solemn for one so young. "I come to you with a request."

"A request?"

"Yes. My death was sudden,and ShinRa covered it up, so my family never understood what happened. I would like to give you the memory of my passing, so that you can tell them how I died. I want my kinsman Godo to know."

Cloud saw his own childhood seriousness in this boy, and felt warmed by it. "All right. I'll tell him."

"Thank you, Cloud Strife. It began after the details of the treaty were finalized, and preparations for a great feast were being made. The treasure room was a private place, and I so wanted some time alone with the famous Genesis Rhapsodos. Little did I know, that would be the last thing I ever desired..."

__

scscscsc

The corridors were empty of guards and all their usual traffic, with torches on the walls casting eerie shadows of the dying day. Night had just begun to fall, and the crickets had begun to sing, their song supposedly telling the history of the planet. Goro stepped lightly, heavy silk slippers on the wood and stone, peering around each time they turned a corner or a noise was heard. He was so excited that his entire body felt like a koto string newly plucked, vibrating with exhiliration to think that it was THE Genesis Rhapsodos he held by the hand, THE Genesis Rhapsodos who wanted some time alone with him.

"Here, the treasure room is this one," Goro whispered, taking a key that was hanging around his neck and hurrying it to the lock. "No one will be in here now."

The heavy door swung open to what at first glance seemed to be a library, with shelves of scrolls that stretched out into the dimness. As Genesis followed Goro in, he noticed the stacks of shining swords, the heavy suits of jewelled armor, the crowns and tiaras and boxes of precious stones. He was drawn to the case of ancient-looking volumes of text, gently continuing to hold Goro by the hand. Genesis was attracted to the boy and pleased by his willingness, but seemed unable yet to turn from the books. 

"Hmm, the rumors say it's in here somewhere..."

"What are you looking for, sir?"

Genesis turned to him with a flirtatious smile. "A story called Loveless, pet. Legend says the Kisaragi family possesses the last remaining complete copy, and I would like to compare it to my own."

"Of course! I think it's here..."

Goro smoothed back the sleeves of his fancy green robe, and his delicate hands went to a faded coeurl skin that sat on top of the shorter bookcase. A few moments later he had in his grasp a book, not nearly as old as some of the room's others, but he handled it with care as he passed it to an eager Genesis. The SOLDIER quickly flipped to the last four pages, blue-green eyes shining with delight.

"So it's true. At last, Loveless, you have an ending. I have waited for it for so long. How can I ever thank you, pet?" he said in a breathless voice, turning to Goro.

The younger boy blushed. "It was nothing, really. It's my duty to help look after our guests."

"You've looked after me very well indeed. But I think...now you're the one who needs some attention."

Genesis's free arm snaked around Goro's waist and drew their bodies close together. On Genesis's face was a sultry smile, and Goro gazed up at him with awe, and barely-disguised longing. Goro had been infatuated at first sight with the handsome SOLDIER who was second only to Sephiroth, ever since the formal introduction that had been their first meeting. He remembered the way Genesis looked him up and down, the heat in his offered hand, the finger that had snaked out to caress his wrist. Goro smiled as lips crashed into his own, wore his fifteen years of inexperience plainly in his clumsy movements and slight hesitation. Genesis's hands were quietly searching Goro's robe. He found a knot and undid it, opening the lower part of the boy's formal kimono.

"Don't be scared, pet."

"I'm...not."

Genesis smiled at the lie. He carefully put the old book down, and tugged Goro gently, guiding him to lay on his back on the stone floor. The boy laughed nervously, holding his knees together for a few moments before letting Genesis part his legs. He was hard, almost painfully so, and never had he been like this in the presence of another person. Genesis inhaled deeply, pressed his ear to the tingling skin of Goro's thigh, and smiled again.

"I can hear your heart, pet. I trust it is beating for me."

"Only you, always," Goro panted, his dark eyes shining.

"I quite agree."

In the next instant Genesis's mouth was on him, and the dimness of the room exploded into light, into flickering orbs like you see after a camera flash. It made Goro think of the pictures the ShinRa visitors had taken to commemorate the new treaty, though it was hard to think at all. Since his early childhood, the monks who taught Goro had impressed upon him the need for mindfulness, to be fully present in each individual moment. Never had he felt more present, more anchored to the now, than he did while Genesis's tongue and smirking mouth did their work.

It was over quickly - it was, after all, his first time - and a sort of empty feeling followed, a now that felt strangely lonely, despite the proximity of a warm body. Even so, Goro could not recall having ever felt so wanted, so happy. His arms were weak as they pushed at the floor, and Genesis licked his rosy lips as he helped Goro sit up.

"How was it, pet? More to the point, what is it worth?"

"Anything I have is yours," Goro said, still catching his breath.

"Really? Well, all I want, besides you - " The boy beamed shyly. " - is this little trifle here."

Genesis put his hand on the book, laid aside but not forgotten, and Goro's face fell.

"Loveless? Forgive me, Genesis-san, but it would not be possible. It is a treasure of the house of Kisaragi, my family would never allow it. I risked the gods' displeasure by just showing it to you."

Genesis's lips curled; somehow he managed to sneer even as he smiled. "Oh, the gods whose shapes adorn your altars, the devilish oni and the hungry ghosts, all cowering before your great sea-lizard Leviathan. Believe me, pet, the Goddess trumps them all, and she meant for this book to be mine."

Goro blinked in surprise and bowed his head. "Sir, it is not wise to anger the gods, even if you are a stranger in our lands."

"I'm a stranger everywhere. All heroes are." Genesis's smile turned seductive again. "Very well, let's speak of it no more."

Goro was plainly relieved. "If you would like some other souvenir, Genesis-san...a goblet or one of the banners, I'm sure - "

"All I want now is to taste you."

Goro's cheeks went rosy at the blunt statement, and he eagerly fell into Genesis's embrace, moaning softly as the top part of his robe was unfastened. Genesis kissed like he spoke, all power and venom masked by his charming voice and soft lips. When they had first spoken privately, Genesis told him he wore his youth like a cheap suit, that he, Genesis, could see past it to the adult Goro was longing to be. At fifteen, Goro could only be spellbound, then, and now as his mouth was ravished. He felt very grown up indeed, laughing a little as Genesis's lips broke their kiss and slowly moved down his jaw. Then to his neck, as Genesis opened the robe wider to gain better access.

"Genesis-san, I love you," he whispered, then made a tiny noise, of surprise more than pain.

Genesis's teeth had broken the skin of his neck, Goro realized that, but before he could analyze it, take stock of it at all, strange visions were flashing before his eyes. Not of his own life - that cliche of death that turned out not to be true - but of someone else's. A wintery sky, clouds moving with the wind. A brown-haired boy eating an apple. The famous Sephiroth as a child, walking out of a cave into the too-bright sun. Last of all, a Genesis utterly exhausted and for once robbed of guile, watching his father dress from a rumpled bed. Beneath the strange pleasure and the sensation of being emptied, Goro's heart went out to the familiar boy, wished he could help him.

Thus, as the darkness vanished again into a brilliant light, Goro Kisaragi's last wish was that his murderer would find peace.

__

scscscsc

Cloud flew to a sitting position, clutching his neck and breathing hard. It took a few moments to remember that he was alive - Sort of, anyway - and that the memory had not been his own. Goro was far away already, walking back into the light of this heaven. He turned and raised a hand in farewell to Cloud, who weakly returned the gesture.

"Are you okay?" Aerith asked, touching his arm.

"Yeah. It just seems to get more intense each time. Is that normal?"

A mischievous smile broke over her face, one Cloud remembered from the Golden Saucer. "Nothing about what we're doing could be called normal."

"I second that," Zack said, wrinkling his nose. "Genesis's sex life. I don't want to see any more of that."

"At least _you_ didn't have to make out with him by proxy."

It took Angeal several minutes to get Zack to stop laughing.

__

scscscsc

_I see black light. Thunderous bright darkness, easy on the eyes of both body and spirit, whichever I am now. I only know I exist because I feel Her, I hear Her voice. Jenova, Mother, whose voice has sung a venomous lullaby for me all my life. There has never been a world without Her, Jenova, the Cetra who became a Goddess._

_She speaks to me in this strange dream-time, tells me that there will be no more nightmares, no more hurt, as long as I fight in Her name. Nightmares, I? Sadness? I do not know what She means. Did Sepiroth ever have such a human failing? I wish I knew the answer._

_She says it is unimportant, reminds me that I was made for war and that is all I need to know. Someone else told me that, long ago, someone I hated, but I cannot remember. All I know of my life before is the feeling of my sword slashing, and Her, and Him._

_Cloud. You are clearer to me than all other things, your face, the way you move when your blades are drawn, When I think of you, I see things I cannot understand. A girl's body sliding off Masamune, dead and gone like someone I once cared for, and you dared to cry, dared to do what I could not. Two men, one serious, one dramatic, who feel like comrades by my side, their presence balm to a life that promised to be lonely. Hands on me, intimately, making me sick, and lonelier. Then better hands, hands I chose to let touch me. A spiky-haired boy who smiles, who loves without condition or restraint. Crowds who cheered me, faces I used to know, to welcome the sight of. I see these things, but I cannot recall who they are._

_Cloud, my enemy, the one Mother most fears. I remember only you, putting all your strength every time into defeating me, delaying Mother's plans to rule this dying planet. I am drawn to you and you to me, our eternal dance of withdrawal and Reunion that will never end until one of us dies. If we can die, if anything blessed with Mother's cells can be done away with once and for all._

_I feel you, Cloud, no matter how far away you are, your presence grates against my soul like a bush of stinging nettles. I know you are a threat to Mother, that the other goddess has given you her blessing. It will not be enough to win, not this time. You are no true hero, Puppet, you are a doll fit only to be experimented on...someone said this to me once, in a bad memory She in her kindness made to go away._

_She is part of everything, you see. Even the Lifestream, where fallen warriors who bear her memetic legacy move unchanged, unabsorbed, like oil poured into water. I know you are there, Cloud, and I know what it is you are trying to do. Awaken sleeping Sephiroth? I am awake. I am the Nightmare that no rising sun can banish. I am the bad dream of an entire waking world, and invoking Gaia to banish me only delays the inevitable._

_Cloud? How do you manage your rage? I burned your village, and your mother with it. I killed the girl who loved you, left her to bleed red flame while Cloud the Puppet pretended to be sad. If you are whole now, if you remember everything, how do you live with it? And why would you want to save your enemy? Why? I think I knew a moment ago, but I've forgotten. I think I remember the way you felt in my arms, but Mother tells me it's a lie, a deceit of the goddess who was cruel enough to make flowers and watch them die._

_For now, Cloud, you are all that matters, all I need to remember. Fate's merciless strings tie me to you, and you to me, and there is no breaking them. I will fight my way back to consciousness and find you, and I will not rest until you submit to your fate - either to accept Mother's will or die. And when you are dead, what then? It must not be Mother's preference that you die._

_Why else, when thinking of it, would I feel so sad?_

**To be continued.**


	11. As Solemn a Parting

"All creation is separation. Birth is as solemn a parting as death."  
\- G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 11 - As Solemn A Parting**

 

No illumination penetrated the cave after sunset, save for moon and starlight that reflected, one by one, off the water and shimmering rocks until it reached the sole room, the grotto. There rested the image of a young woman encased in crystal, a plain enough woman but the kind who seemed to bring the light with her wherever she went. The pillar of gem and the lady glowed enough to make movement easy across the uneven floor, but no matter. Vincent knew every rock and shallow pool in this room.

He came here almost nightly, having settled in a cabin nearby that proved to be a good investment of the share of money Meterofall had left him. Came more often than he would admit, even, that is if anyone was brave enough to bring up the subject with him. Cloud knew to tiptoe around the subject, most of the time, and in return, Vincent chose his words carefully when he spoke of Sephiroth. It hurt either way to think of the man. Lucrecia's son, the baby that should have been his.

_Could have been, had my father's death not come between us forever, the first guilt you took on and would not absolve yourself of. Lucrecia, Lucrecia. People die every day._

Vincent thought of his father, handsome Grimoire with his large hands and gentle voice, patient enough to help Vincent trap rabbits, kind enough to make sure they were released. Vincent had loved his father, and watched his mother fall apart after the accident, but still, blaming Lucrecia had never entered his thoughts.

_People die every day. Love goes wrong, every day. People make the wrong choice for their child, every day._

Why she had done it, why have a child for the sake of an experiment - Vincent knew he would never know. He thought about what she had said when he questioned it - "If it's only my decision, then yes, I'm sure!" - and brooded over it again, possibly would never stop. He had thought later that perhaps she had wanted him to stop her, to say that love gave him the right to interfere.

Unlikely. Lucrecia had been both ambitious and guileless, the only such person Vincent could recall ever knowing. Exactly what drove her to Hojo would remain a mystery forever, and forever was something Vincent might have. It was the only thing that frightened him, the idea that he might live on while everyone around him died.

"I've outlived enough people," he said to the silence.

_Vincent...I'm so sorry._

"I know. It's okay."

_Vincent...is Sephiroth..._

She had asked before, he remembered. It was during the hectic days before Meteorfall, the journey that took Vincent and his nakama around the planet in the hope of saving it. He had asked them to stop here, where he had left Death Penalty, and she had asked if Sephiroth was still alive.

_I told her he was dead. Why? To spare her the pain of knowing what a monster he had become? Or because we were planning to kill him anyway? I don't know. I used to think it was because he never should have existed anyway, but what about Cloud? Can I truly want to wish away what Cloud loves?_

Vincent wondered then about where Cloud was, if he was safe doing whatever it was he had resolved to try. People die every day.

_Vincent...do you remember...our special place?_

They had never called it that while she lived, but yes, he knew at once what she meant. A grassy meadow far from the lab's sterile light, the warm breeze that caused drowsiness, the flowers growing all around.

"Yes...I remember."

_That place...it was like a beautiful dream we shared._

"It was."

_Because we remember it...it will exist always, in our hearts. Vincent, you'll always be able to find me...if you look in your heart._

"My heart," he murmured. "Before you I wasn't sure I had one. And after, I thought the same thing. But then Cloud and the others came along..."

_Vincent..._

"Lucrecia?"

_I have to go now, Vincent._

He understood at once, and felt something in his chest leap up with relief. There was his heart, where it had always been. Where Lucrecia would always be.

"Go. Go find peace. We'll take care of the rest."

_Vincent...goodbye._

"Goodbye, Lucrecia."

He watched the crystalline structure as it changed, as light poured upward out of it and the image of Lucrecia slowly faded, until nothing was there but crystal reflecting watery moonlight. Vincent waited a long few moments before he spoke, to make sure she was gone, because he was talking more to the memory of her than Lucrecia. He was sure he had never stated anything more simply, with so much human sincerity.

"I love you."

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**The Sixth Harbinger**

They all watched her come together, the shape of a woman dressed in white walking uncertainly, as if she didn't quite remember how, out of the light that surrounded them. As she neared, Aerith went to her, wordlessly offered her arm in support, and the two women came to Cloud together, the one Sephiroth had been born to and the one whose life he had taken.

Cloud knew her at once, from the last time he had seen her, from the shape of her face and hair that was so heartbreakingly familiar. The white she wore was a lab coat, as it turned out, and she had the keen and penetrating eyes one might expect of a scientist. The eyes were brown, not silver as Cloud had half-expected, but there was a mixture of kindness and deep thought in them. Lucrecia Crescent looked very much like her son, indeed.

"Cloud Strife," she said when she reached him, hardly seeming to notice the others.

"Lucrecia Crescent." He bowed his head a little, and lifted it to see her smile sadly.

"You are the one who loves my son."

"We all do...but yes, I am."

"I know what you are trying to do. The voices of the Lifestream told it to me. I am not sure I can help. Perhaps...it was selfish of me to come."

"You came to be heard, right?" Aerith asked, tender-hearted Aerith, to whom comfort was second nature. "That's not selfish. It's human."

Lucrecia's head tilted downward. "Hojo used to equate being human with being weak. Somehow, he convinced me that I was weak. And I became so, surrendering to him, giving up my child to an experiment."

She looked at Cloud so intently that he almost shrank back, and softly said " I didn't come to tell you why I did what I did. I don't know why. But I wanted you to know I love my son."

"If I have the chance, I'll tell him."

"Thank you, Cloud." Her sad smile became just a bit happier. "Sephiroth is not an easy person to care about, I know. I am grateful to you for loving him."

Cloud almost laughed. "It's the easiest thing I've ever done."

"Will you...perhaps...accept a memory of mine?"

"I would be grateful for anything you can show me."

"I don't know how much help it will be. Thank you."

Cloud lay back, and watched her brown-earth eyes above him until the world around him faded.

__

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Lucrecia leaned heavily against the plain wall, holding to it with one exertion-dampened hand placed flat against the sterile white. She moved slowly, knowing she could go no faster and remain upright, moving her shaky legs toward the corner, where she would turn and tackle the next wall. Although officially confined to bed, she knew she could not remain off her feet all day and yet keep the threads of sanity she clung to. Ella wasn't of the same opinion, so Lucrecia tried to limit her out-of-bed adventures to times when the nurse was busy.

Lucrecia had nearly circled the small room when the door opened, and a curly-haired woman in white with a kind face entered.

"Again? Doctor, you've been told to stay in bed."

" _Ella_ , you've been told to call me by my name."

Tsking, Ella strode to her charge and helped her slowly back to the hospital bed that was the room's main feature.

"Lucrecia, you read the report on your last tests. Your heart is growing weaker all the time. Even the slightest exertion is too much right now."

"If I die, I die," Lucrecia said bluntly, looking away from the hurt on the nurse's face. They had become friends, after all. "If not from exertion, it will be from boredom."

"I could bring more books."

"I'm tired of reading." It was true, even research had failed to adequately distract her. "And I never thought I'd hear myself say that."

"I'm sure the doctors will find a treatment that works soon. Dr. Hollander said the results of your plasmapheresis were encouraging."

"He's trying to be kind. He's a nice enough man."

Lucrecia didn't bother to mention Hojo, though she thought to herself that Hojo would be happy to see her dead, now that he had gotten what he wanted out of her, literally out of her. Ella hated Hojo too, as all but the most ruthless assistants did, but she did continue to work for the medical lab, and couldn't express her hatred openly if she wanted to continue at ShinRa. For this reason, Lucrecia tried to keep her vitriol to herself, to keep it from harming the woman who had become perhaps her first real friend.

_Except for..._

Lucrecia motioned Ella to sit down beside the bed, and leaned toward her to speak softly. "Any news?"

Ella knew at once what she referred to, and answered with the same volume of voice. "I was able to briefly speak to Commander Veld."

"And?"

"And I'm not sure how honest he was, considering the Turks' reputation for secrecy. But he said Vincent Valentine was considered missing, as in absent without leave."

Lucrecia visibly deflated. Though she had seen Vincent shot with her own eyes, had used science to try to save him and watched him turn into a monster, part of her hoped that he had somehow survived and would be back at his Turk post, like nothing had happened. She knew Hojo too well, though, if anyone really knew him. Hojo did not keep failed experiments.

_Vincent...I'm so sorry._

"He...he is dead then."

"We don't know that," Ella immediately countered. "Turks don't die easily. He could have escaped."

"Vincent would not have left the Turks without telling anyone."

"Maybe he did tell. After all, why would Commander Veld divulge Turk secrets to a mere nurse?" Ella asked, reasonably.

She was trying to cheer her patient up, and though Lucrecia appreciated the effort, it was getting harder each day to put on a brave face and pretend life wasn't over. She was growing weaker every day, like a planet going slowly dark and cold. Each day, her conscience became harder to hold, heavy with Vincent, and Sephiroth. A tear escaped and streamed suddenly down her cool cheek, and she couldn't say which it was for.

"Even if Vincent survived, I made him a monster," she said matter-of-factly. "I don't think he would forgive me."

"You were trying to save his life."

"There are things worse than death." A long pause, then... "Have you seen him?"

Again, Ella knew at once who Lucrecia was referring to. "I changed his diaper this morning. Gaia, that child can poop."

Another tear, and with it, a smile. "Tell me more. Tell me everything, even if you've said it before."

"We think he may be starting to teeth, although at only a month old he is a bit young for that. His eyes are still silver, just the strangest thing I've ever seen, but beautiful. He watches everything, every move everyone makes, like he's taking it all in. His hair is growing fast, Gast says it's too lovely to trim."

"More," Lucrecia begged. "More, please."

"Dr. Gast played peek-a-boo with him this morning, while Dr. Hojo was in the bathroom. He also brought Sephiroth a stuffed coeurl that he's calling Mr. Snuggles."

Lucrecia had always liked Gast Faremis, from their first meeting; now she would have kissed him if given a chance. He was the reason she knew Sephiroth would at least grow up cared for by someone, and not merely valued as Hojo and ShinRa did.

"Let's see...he never seems to get cold, he always kicks off the blankets we put on him. He's already trying to hold his bottles when we feed him. He can't quite manage it, but Gaia is he strong. He actually tore one of his swaddling blankets in half. Dr. Hojo was very pleased."

 _I'm sure he was,_ Lucrecia thought bitterly.

"You'll be glad to know that although Hojo is always around, Dr. Gast and we nurses do most of the actual caring for Sephiroth. Good thing, too. If he had to deal with Hojo holding him, the little dear might actually cry," Ella said dryly.

"He...he still hasn't?"

"Not once. I've never seen a baby so content. He frowns when he needs to be changed or we're too slow getting a bottle to him, but not a peep. He hasn't cried once since he was born."

_I remember, when he first came out of me, he didn't make a sound at all. I was so terrified of his silence, but he was all right. Sephiroth, are you really all right, in spite of the mess I brought you into?_

"Oh, and he peed on the president," Ella added, nearly gleeful. "The president came last night to check on Sephiroth's progress, and wanted to hold him. But Lena hadn't fastened the diaper properly, and urine got all over his expensive suit. Gast had to go hide in the supply closet, he couldn't stop laughing."

_Good for you, Sephiroth. Soak Hojo too, the first chance you get._

"Is Hojo pleased?" As much as Lucrecia would like not to care, she knew that Sephiroth's well-being depended upon how valued he was.

"He seems to be. He says the Jenova cells are stable in him and he appears to be a success. Sephiroth is already showing signs of intelligence and unusual strength."

_Sephiroth, be strong. Be what I wasn't._

"I'm glad. I just want him to be safe."

The door opened, abruptly, without a knock or any other pleasantry. Hojo's gangly form entered the windowless room, and it suddenly seemed darker. Ella stiffened, knowing from experience that it wasn't good for her patient to interact with Hojo, it excited her too much. Lucrecia pulled aside her blankets and struggled to stand.

"You've been asking for me, what is it?" Hojo asked bluntly, his reptilian eyes betraying no hint of emotion.

"I want to see my son. I want to hold him."

"I've told you, when you're well again."

"You know damn well that I'm not going to get better. I want to see my baby before I die."

"And I've told you, it's foolish to form silly attachments to the subject of a great experiment. Why not bond with the laboratory mice while you're at it?"

Ella's clenched hands were turning white with fury; never had she so badly wanted to strike someone. Lucrecia managed to get up, and on wobbling legs she approached her husband. Ella expected her to fly at him and beat him with her weak arms, but instead Lucrecia fell on her knees before him and bowed her head.

"I beg you! Let me see him, just once!"

"Get up, Doctor," he said with disgust. "You're embarrassing yourself. I'll come back when you've regained control of yourself."

He stalked off, leaving the door opened, and Lucrecia was a pitiful sight kneeling on the white floor, wearing a long gown instead of her old lab coat, unable to rise though she had once run miles each day with no trouble. She rose up, then slumped down again as though all the angry energy had drained out of her. Ella wanted to help her up, but she felt stuck to the floor. Even in her illness, even though she had just begged a man she hated, Lucrecia Crescent possessed a quiet dignity that was too strong to properly pity.

"Sephiroth," she said once, very clearly, and crumpled to the floor.

"Doctor! I need some help in here!"

Ella was strong, she managed to get Lucrecia to the bed, check her breathing and begin CPR. Other medical personnel rushed in, and everything that could be done for her was. They didn't realize that Lucrecia had left her body immediately, that she was blowing through the nearby science labs like a wind, allowing herself only one brief look at her baby before departing to the purgatory she thought she deserved.

The last thing she heard is what all the surprised doctors and techs heard - the loud, wailing cry of an infant.

__

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"Thank you all for coming."

It had been awhile since Tifa had last closed Seventh Heaven for a day. Doing so now reminded her of the days of AVALANCHE, both pleasantly and sadly. All those lives lost. Would someone in this room be next? Tifa looked around at her old nakama and her new comrades. Cid, having brought most of the old gang on his airship, now nursing a glass of scotch and looking ready to spring up when the moment to do so came. Yuffie, all nervous energy, squirming and spinning on her bar stool. Barret, looking grumpily serious as always. Vincent, who was actually smiling, for a reason no one dared ask about. Cait Sith on top of his newest Moogle, nodding solemnly when Tifa said there had better not be any security leaks. (Reeve came through briefly to say he was no longer involved with ShinRa anyway.) They all sat in a loose cluster in one half of the bar, while the former SOLDIERs sat on the other. Introductions had been made to Commander Andrew Lefler, Commander Kellan Finn, and the two who insisted they no longer had rank, Malakh Highcliff and Hiromi Sada.

So far, so good. The heroes seemed to accept the former SOLDIERs's presence and believe they were on the same side. Everyone here seemed ready for action. Ironically, all they seemed to be missing was Cloud's leadership.

_Get your butt back here, Cloud, you're better at this sort of thing._

"Okay...we all know why we're here. We need to get Cloud out of ShinRa's clutches, and we're gonna need everyone in here to do it. We need to figure out a plan of action."

"I say we bust in the front door and show 'em our fists!" Yuffie said exuberantly, punching the air.

"You always suggest that, darlin'," Cid pointed out.

"That doesn't make it a bad idea."

"If I may, Miss Lockhart?" Tifa nodded, and Finn rose. "We have done some light recon around the main ShinRa building. We mustn't be tricked by the facvt that it is unfinished. It used to be an office building, one with high security. Security may not be what it once was for ShinRa, but we have to believe the building is well protected."

"And we've had no luck in finding plans for the building," Sada chimed in. "Meaning, when we go in, we're going in blind."

Malakh nodded. "Our inside informants say Strife isn't being held in the basement lab, but somewhere on one of the upper floors. We'll have no choice but to search for him."

"In that case," Barret said, banging his fist on a table, "we should split up inta at least two groups."

"I agree," Tifa said. "Splitting up worked last time we infiltrated a ShinRa building, and this way we'll be giving them a harder job capturing us."

"If it's true, as I suspect it is, that Cloud Strife is under sedation wherever he's being held," Lefler said, "one group can take him out of the building while another holds the enemy back."

"Are we fighting to kill?" Highcliff asked, and the question seemed genuine. "We can't know ShinRa's motives, after all. What if Strife is there willingly?"

"I'd say that's a damn foolish question," Cid drawled, "if the same hadn't occurred to me. The kid is unpredictable, after all."

Tifa realized they were all looking at her now, and while clearing her throat she tried her best to stand tall, as a leader should. As Cloud did.

"I've been calling Cloud, and unsurprisingly, he's not picking up. He does fall out of contact for days at a time sometimes, but he knows I worry about him. If Cloud were willingly going to disappear into the hands of ShinRa, he would have let me know. I have to believe that. Now, maybe he did go willingly, but maybe he didn't. I won't rest until I see Cloud for myself and he tells me. We're busting him out."

"Hell yeah!" Yuffie whooped, nearly falling off her stool.

Lefler stood up. "I suggest we fight to disarm, unless deadly force is being used against us. From what I can tell, security measures are restricted to the use of guards and numbered keycards."

"We been there before," Barret said gruffly. "We jes' take the keycards off the bodies we pummel. No sweat. I jes' hope there ain't so many stairs this time."

He and Tifa shared a smile.

"The building is served by two continuous sets of staircases," Finn said, moving his hands to indicate the shape of a building. "I suggest one team take the stairs and begin searching from the ground floor up. The other will take the elevator to the top floor and work their way down."

This received favorable mumbling and nods from around the room. Barret murmured that he had better be on the elevator team. Sada opened a box he'd been holding on his lap and began to hand out walkie talkies to each person present.

"They're already calibrated to the same frequency. We report to the other team each time a floor is cleared, or if back-up is needed. Hopefully, since their security will have to split up too to deal with us, we won't encounter anything we can't handle."

"So what'll the teams be?" Yuffie asked eagerly.

"I believe Miss Lockhart should decide that," Finn said, nodding to her.

Tifa looked thoughtfully over the room, gazing in turn at each person before she spoke. "Team A, which will go in the front, will be made up of myself, Cid, Yuffie, Finn and Highcliff. Team B, which will go in the back, will be Vincent, Cait Sith, Barret, Lefler and Sada. Team A will start from the first floor and work upward using the stairs. Team B will use the elevator and go from the top downward."

"Aw, thank Gaia," Barret loudly moaned.

Malakh took Hiromi's hand and squeezed, feeling the pressure of it grasping his in turn. They had both taken on potentially more dangerous missions separately when they were SOLDIERs, and had always come back to one another. They had hoped to be grouped together on this one, but understood why they were not, and accepted it. The look of love and trust that passed between them was enough.

_You better be careful._

_I will be if you are._

"Everyone remember," Finn said soberly, "New ShinRa may or may not still be our enemy. If Rufus or any other high-up wants to talk, let 'em. There's a chance, however remote, that we could win this through diplomacy rather than arms."

"Aw, that's no fun," Yuffie complained.

The bell over the door rang. Tifa automatically headed for it, ready to point out that the sign in the window said Closed, then froze where she stood. Rude was the one who had come through the door, and waited there with a slight awkwardness intruding upon his usual cool demeanor. His mouth formed a neutral line, neither pleased nor disappointed, and his trademark sunglasses hid whatever emotion might have been lighting up his eyes. Tifa could feel him looking at her, and strangely, her stomach fluttered under the pressure of his intense gaze.

"Seems like I came at the right time," he said bluntly. "You are planning to infiltrate the ShinRa building and remove Strife. I came to help you."

"Help, or sabotage?" Malakh said, his voice cool. "I remember you, you're a Turk. Turks are loyal to ShinRa above everything else."

"There are exceptions." Rude turned back to Tifa. "Reno asked me to come here. He says only that I'm meant to help you."

"I'm glad you're here, Rude," she said, and realized she truly was, "but we're going against ShinRa here. Why would Reno want you to help us?"

" I don't know. But I trust him. He was right, before Meteorfall, to insist that he and I never win a battle against you. I must believe he is right now, in sending me to aid you." Rude, having spoken more than he was used to, was mute for a few moments as he adjusted his shades. "I know where Cloud is being held. I can take you directly to him."

"All right, Rude, I always knew you weren't so bad!" Yuffie said happily.

"Faith and begorrah, we're glad to have ye aboard, lad," Cait Sith said, and the Moogle beneath him bowed.

Finn, though clearly less enthusiastic, nodded. "Okay, but we'll be watching you. I don't show much pity to anyone who betrays me."

Rude grunted in acknowledgment, and took the seat nearest to Tifa. As Finn began to argue that dawn would be the best time to begin their assault, Tifa felt Rude subtly watching her, and wondered what he was thinking. It could be true, she thought, absently playing with the teardrop pendant that hung from her belt. Rude could genuinely want to help. He and Reno had risked their lives to help them before, and the two of them seemed to prize a loyalty to each other above the duty they felt toward ShinRa. Rude's presence made their victory nearly a certainty, Tifa let herself believe, and she felt happy to have him around.

_Hold on, Cloud. We're coming._

__

scscscsc

_Sephiroth. As time passes, She favors me ever more, and now I fancy I can sense you at last. In the Lifestream, tucked safely away by the space-bitch who claims to be your mother, oh so distant and corrupted by her darkness, but at last, I know you are there. Your soul shines against my senses like sunlight warming a stream bed. You are as beautiful as I remember, the same beauty that ensnared me young and ended my innocence as a small boy. I have never wanted anything as I wanted you, as I still do, as I always will. I will let you go, hand you off to the hero-boy as I must, but I will insist forever that no one has ever loved you as much as I._

_The Lifestream is astir, a pool disturbed by pebble after pebble, disruption without end, whatever, amen. The spirits whisper that Strife the hero, no stranger to the Lifestream, is accepting the memories of its denizens in preparation for his battle to save Sephiroth. I gave you memories once, little Cloud, when I was a predator and you were too young, too irresistable, too deliciously unwilling. Someday I will ask your pardon. Maybe I can offer a memory of my own, something to explain away the villain I was, the bloody choices I will always regret._

_I am growing stronger. Here in this place where I once prayed to the Goddess that Seph would let me kiss him, my limbs grow lithe and full of a vitality that reminds me of being a boy again, before I grew into cruelty and guile. My fingers on my scarlet sword stir with a semblance of their old strength, and my wing - that great black beast that set me forever apart - unfolds as if to ask, where to? How quickly? Thanks to Her unfailing love and merciless will, I am whole again, and ready._

_There is a path laid out before me, and though I cannot see its end, I know I must follow it. Strife will save my Sephiroth, so Strife must be aided with all the force I can muster. There is a dark one who keeps a silent vigil, who was made against the day Sephiroth's loyalty is lost, and because it didn't activate before Meteorfall, I must guess that it serves Jenova, not the company. I will see it destroyed, I will see that all who dare keep Sephiroth in bondage are vanquished utterly._

_And whither then? Will I be left on Gaia to the life I once wasted? Or permitted to die, taken into Her loving care? It is said, for the untainted, that the waters of the Lifestream have no memory. I think I would like that, though neither a long life nor a peaceful death can ever expunge Sephiroth from my heart._

_The darkness has served me well, but the time has come. I roll away the boulder, and step from my tomb into the blinding daylight, and the smell of apples on the heavy summer air._

**To be continued.**


	12. I Cannot Understand, I Love

"Enough we live: -- and if a life,  
With large results so little rife,  
Though bearable, seem hardly worth  
This pomp of worlds, this pain of birth."  
\- Matthew Arnold

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 12 - I Cannot Understand, I Love**

 

"Knock it off now, Sophie, I told you to come in five minutes ago."

"I can't, Mamma! Sassy is still up in the tree and she's too scared to come down."

"This is how cats learn to climb, honey, by getting themselves caught up in trees and finding a way down."

"But Mother, she's so scared!"

"Two minutes, Sophie, and if you're not in the house, you're grounded."

The little blonde girl, aged five or six, looked helplessly up into the leafy tree. An orange kitten sat on one of its highest branches, mewing plaintively. The child called Sophie made one last attempt to climb up, only to fall with a pitiful thud onto the grass. Just as she was beginning to cry, a tall shadow loomed over her, and she turned to find a handsome, auburn-haired man observing the situation.

"It seems like you need some help."

"I-I'm not allowed to talk to strangers."

"Very wise. No words, then."

Sophie gasped as a single black wing flew into the air, extending from the man's shoulder. Flying delicately up into the tree, the stranger carefully picked up the orange cat and, lowering to the ground, put the pet into its owner's arms.

"You saved her! Thank you so much, Mister..."

"Genesis, just Genesis. You are welcome, little miss. Remember, every time you serve your fellow man, you are serving the great Goddess as well."

"I'll remember, sir!"

"Sophie, who are you talking to?"

"Mother, you won't believe it! This man - "

But by the time Sophie had turned back, there was no sign of him. All that had been left was a single black feather on the pavement of the sidewalk.

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**The Seventh Harbinger**

"Are you tired? Do you need a break?" Aerith asked him gently.

"I'm okay," Cloud said, "really. It's a different kind of tired, dreaming other people's memories."

"Well, don't go fracturing into split-off bits of yourself again," Aerith joked. "Tifa would kill me."

"I'm okay. I promise I'm okay. Who's next?"

On cue, a young man stepped forward. He appeared to be in his mid-teens, half-Wutainese, handsome in a shy, timid way.

"Cloud Strife. I have a memory to offer you, and a request."

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"His vitals are fine, both of them," Kanawa said, having just rechecked Reno's himself. "I don't know what else to call it. They both seem to be in some sort of a trance."

Tseng, having not moved from his spot in the corner, nodded. "All we can do is wait for it to pass."

"Akechi, is that you?" Reno spoke so suddenly that it startled them both. Eyes still shut, he continued. "How have you been? I always wondered what became of you."

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In the Lifestream, Reno had thus far been a transparent, silent statue at Cloud's side. Now he came alive and hugged the young stranger.

The boy he'd called Akechi said "We always wondered what happened to you after that man took you away. I hoped and prayed you were going to a better life."

"I did, I have a great life. What about you? Did you inherit the YAOI and keep it going?"

"I shut it down as soon as Father died. I just didn't have the stomach for it."

"What happened? You can't have died very long ago."

"Oh." Akechi smiled sadly. "Jealous lover. I couldn't convince him I was faithful, so he stabbed me."

Reno hugged his old friend, and only seemed to remember the company they were in now. "Oh, sorry. This is Aerith, Zack, Angeal, and Cloud you seem to know. Do you know what we're doing?"

"Yes, the whole Lifestream does. I came to offer a memory. It involves Genesis Rhapsodos, so I thought it might help."

"I'd be happy to receive it," Cloud said.

"Reno, I want you to see it too."

"I'll be watching."

It had gotten easy by this time, almost second nature to lie back and wait for the memory to come out of the darkness. Cloud looked up at Akechi's solemn gaze, and in no time found himself behind it.

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Yoshinori's Altar of Indiscretions (called the YAOI by much of its workers and clientele) was a successful business, catering to the needs of older men who liked their boys adventurous, willing (somewhat), and in many cases young. It was a Sunday, and business always dropped a bit on the weekends. The family men who were most of the customers were spending time with their wives and kids. Akechi, who had been raised with full knowledge of what the YAOI provided, thought it was such a strange way to live - being married, having sex with one person only. Most customers had a favorite whore, but that was where the similarity ended.

At this time, Akechi was seventeen, around the age of most of the old mansion's inhabitants, and he knew the building like the back of his hand. According to legend, it had been built by a rich and paranoid smuggler a century before, and it was rumored to have secret passages running all through it. Akechi discovered some of them as a child, and never told his father, despite their closeness. He used these passages to be the eyes and ears of the YAOI, spying on customers and workers. Mostly he watched Reno, on whom he had a massive crush, and happily, there was a spot just outside Reno's room where he could peer through the floorboards.

"Harder," Reno was saying to the man on top of him. "Fuck me harder."

There wasn't much emotion in the boy's voice, but the man moaned happily and obeyed. Akechi used to wonder why Reno encouraged his clients to be so rough with him, and had come to the conclusion - probably correct - that Reno didn't want to associate his work with pleasure. He didn't want to pretend it was something it was not.

"You were excellent," the man was saying. "I'll be back on Tuesday."

Reno said something Akechi didn't catch, and as soon as the client left, he headed straight for the bathroom. Reno showered after every customer, no matter how many he had in a day. Though ostensibly cheerful and even mischievous, Akechi felt Reno was unhappy in this life and often wished he could take him far away from it.

He would be in the bathroom for a while, so Akechi quietly slipped between the walls to check the other rooms. Most were empty or their occupants napping, so he decided to check out S's room on the ground floor. S was called that name because he was the YAOI's version of famous Sephiroth, a sixteen-year-old with a pretty porcelain face. He wore a long black jacket, boots, and a long silver wig, even silver contact lenses. S was a reasonably gifted actor as well, imitating the general's gruff and serious manner...at least until the sex act was taking place, when he knew to beg for more.

Akechi got to the peep hole of S's room just as a customer was coming in. The visitor took off a heavy black cloak and a black wig...and Akechi had to cover his mouth to keep from gasping. He had heard from YAOI residents that Genesis Rhapsodos was an occasional customer, but he had to see it to believe it.

"Have you been good while I was away?" Genesis asked in a sultry tone.

"None of your business," S answered, managing a good balance of dismissal and blankness.

"Everything about you is my business. Has anyone touched you but me?"

"No," was the answer after a long wait.

"Have you touched yourself? Maybe while thinking of me?"

Genesis grabbed S by the hair (carefully, so as not to rip off the wig) and pulled him into a kiss harsh enough to bruise them both. S fought at first, as he no doubt had been instructed to do, then melted into the kiss as it softened. By then end of it, it looked passionate, loving, and completely consensual. S stepped back, gasping for air, and Genesis smirked through his own heaving.

"You can pretend all you like, but we both know you like it. Go on, curse me all you like."

"I curse you for knowing me too well," S said softly, "better even than I know myself."

"I do know you, I know what you need. Take your clothes off."

Still displaying hesitation, S slipped off the long jacket he wore over a bare chest. He stepped out of his boots, and let the leather pants fall to the floor. S really was quite a gorgeous sight when nude, not nearly Sephiroth, of course, but well built, thin and perfectly pale, a reasonable facsimile. Years of being a whore had eroded away all the modesty S had once possessed, fading away as his real name had, but he knew to appear shy when playing Sephiroth. It pleased the customer, and at the YAOI, that was the name of the game.

"Don't hide from me." Genesis pulled S's hands away from his crotch. "Not ready yet? I'll soon change that. Get on the bed."

"No."

For a moment Akechi feared S would be slapped, which was against the rules, but Genesis merely smirked and pushed S onto the mattress with one hand. As he pulled off his own clothes, S looked up at him with cold resentment, then a thinly-disguised want as Genesis's beautiful body was revealed. Very few of the YAOI's customers were lovely to look at; Akechi figured Genesis must be one of S's favorite customers.

Genesis kneeled on the bed and pulled S to him, capturing him in another deep kiss. This time S was willing, and moaned softly as his mouth was thoroughly explored. Genesis's hands moved over his body slowly, coming last to the genitals, which he pumped until they were hard and dripping.

"Please," S said, almost too soft to hear.

"Please what, pet?"

"Let me...let me come."

"Yes, I think I would enjoy that."

Genesis roughly maneuvered S until he was on his hands and knees, then took a bottle of lubricant from the bedside table and coated his fingers. He inserted one, then two, working up to four as S groaned with increasing desperation.

"Genesis, please..."

"What kind of hero would I be if I made you wait? Tell me, who do you love?"

"...I love you. Only you."

"More than Angeal."

"More than Angeal."

Genesis slicked himself and was inside in an instant, moaning with pleasure and commenting on the tightness of his lover. Holding S by the hip with one hand as he pumped in and out, Genesis let his other hand stray to the long silver hair, petting it with a surprising gentleness. Akechi had touched the wig once; he knew it was of high quality and felt like real hair.

It was over in about fifteen minutes, when Genesis finally stroked S to completion and achieved his own climax in response. As they lay tangled together, not facing each other, Genesis made him repeat it ten, fifteen more times. Who do you love? You, only you. More than Angeal? More than Angeal.

Genesis gave S one more long kiss, and began to get dressed. Akechi, now that the action was over, decided to check on Reno, and found himself looking in at not only Reno but a man he'd never seen before. A new customer, no doubt, but he was still dressed (and so was Reno). The man wore a blue suit and had his long black hair up in a ponytail. Not knowing how long they had been talking, Akechi cursed himself for missing it.

"You don't have to be so clever here," Reno was teasing. "No need to make up elaborate stories. Just tell me what you want."

"I am being quite serious. I want you to come work at ShinRa with me."

ShinRa. Akechi had no particular opinion about ShinRa, though his father railed against them as planet-destroyers and users of the sacred Lifestream. Some of their clients worked for ShinRa, but Akechi had never heard any of them trying to recruit an employee. Yoshinori would be displeased; Reno was one of their most profitable assets.

"As I said, I've heard of the things you can do. You'd make an excellent Turk."

"Even if you're serious, Yoshinori-sama would never let me go." Reno smiled to hide his hurt. "Come on, forget it. I'll give you a discount for creativity."

"I can pay off Yoshinori. I can make him let you go. At least think about it. Don't try telling me you are happy here. Turks can tell when someone is lying."

Silence. Reno, sitting on the bed, looked up at the man with wide eyes, quiet for so long that Akechi feared he would cry. Like most of the YAOI boys, Reno just didn't cry. The man took a card from his breast pocket and handed it to him, bowing slightly.

"My name is Tseng. Please think on it. I will come back next week for your answer."

The man named Tseng turned toward the door, but Akechi's eyes stayed fixed on Reno, whose eyes had rolled up to reveal red-tinged whites. He was shaking, and in a monotnous voice he began to speak.

"Don't go to the materia store...bombed...it will be bombed today..."

"How did you know I was planning to go to a materia shop?"

Reno continued to tremble. Then, just as the man reached out to him, he seemed to shake the trance off. The boy looked around him, then smiled weakly.

"Lemme guess, I said something weird?"

"You said a materia shop would be bombed today."

"Then it probably will be. When I get visions like that, they're always right," Reno said with no particular pride. "Uh, don't tell Yoshinori-sama, okay? He doesn't know about them and I'd prefer to keep it that way."

"I won't tell him. But I urge you once again to accept my offer. If you come to ShinRa with me, I can help you manage this gift of yours."

Once again, Reno said nothing, but this time his gaze had a touch of hope in it.

"I will return in one week."

When the man had left, Reno wandered over to the window, out of sight. Akechi crouched down in his hidden space and pondered what he had just seen. He wasn't all that shocked to hear Reno make a prophecy; Reno had always been just a little too good at guessing things, a little too adept at hiding in the last place you look. The idea of Reno leaving was a much more serious one. Akechi was torn. He wanted Reno to stay so he could continue to see him, watch over him, maybe one day declare his love. But he knew Reno wasn't happy at the YAOI, and the man called Tseng could save him from this messy life. Sadly, Akechi hoped that Reno would go, and be happy.

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"And he went," Akechi said when Cloud came to himself again. "And I grew up and found love, but Reno, I just wanted you to know."

"I had no idea you felt that way. I'm - "

"Don't be sorry. You were my friend, and that meant a lot." Akechi turned to Cloud. "And now, my request."

"What is it?"

"My murder was never solved. I want you to tell the police in Edge that it was James Nolan who killed me. He lives in Kalm now, and if pressured, he will confess. I'd rather see him in jail than take the chance he hurt his next boyfriend."

"James Nolan. I'll see that it's done."

"Thank you, Cloud Strife. I hope you find what you are seeking."

Cloud put his hand over his heart, as though Sephiroth were a talisman he could hold there.

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"Do we go now?"

"Not yet."

"How about now?"

"Yuffie," Tifa said firmly, "I will tell you when we can go."

It was dark still, blackness just giving way to the faint light peeking over the horizon. Darkness was like a blanket being slowly pulled back, as dawn reached into the pockets of the world and the sun filled up the empty spaces. The team designated A was crouched down behind a thick row of ornamental shrubs, approximately 100 feet from the main entrance of the ShinRa building. Waiting.

Rude had proved his invaluable worth even before the mission started. Not only did he know where Cloud was, he had a key that would open an emergency exit at the rear of the building, into a passage that led straight to an elevator. He had given Team B, who were waiting for the signal behind their own bushes, they key and a keycard for the thirtieth floor, where he said Cloud was. Team B was to go in first and draw the security forces to the opposite side of the wide building, while Team A would sneak in behind them and free Cloud. From there, they could meet up easily, they hoped, fight their way outside and get to the awaiting vans. Cid's trusty airship was docked five minutes away.

The plan was far from foolproof, far from flawless, the ex-SOLDIERs readily pointed out. But Tifa had a good feeling about it. Last time they had stormed a ShinRa building, they had been a ragtag group of barely-armed amateurs, with little materia and even less experience. Now, at least, they were seasoned heroes, with inside information and even an inside man on their side. Circumstances were certainly much more favorable this time.

"Do we go now?" Yuffie burst out quietly, as if she had been holding it in.

Tifa seriously considered slapping her, figuring she could always blame it on pre-battle stress. But something was happening, the two guards at the main door, yawning, went around the building, disappearing from sight. This was a critical moment - they had one minute at the most before the replacemnt guards arrived.

"Now!" Tifa hissed, and they ran for it.

The main door was open, and they slid through it in a matter of seconds. There was faint noise coming from somewhere, and the only person they saw was a secretary at the reception desk, looking frantic and terrified. Since Team B had gone in a few minutes earlier, she must have become aware that there were intruders somewhere in the building.

"Are you AVALANCHE?" she asked fearfully, holding up her hands in surrender.

Tifa smiled bitterly. "Used to be."

"We don't harvest mako anymore! New ShinRa is good, I promise! I wouldn't work for them if - "

"We know," Finn said bluntly, shouldering his rifle. "We're not here to hurt anyone, just to take back something ShinRa took. Just don't tell anyone we're here, sweetheart, and I won't have to blow your head off."

He suddenly aimed and cocked the gun, and the young woman dropped in a dead faint.

"Well, that's one way to make a silent entrance," Malakh remarked.

Yuffie, who had been rushing around the lobby opening doors, peeked out from behind one. "Guys! Stairs are over here!"

As they headed that way, Rude said "The last stairs end up about four rooms from the end of the corridor on the thirtieth floor. Strife is in the last room."

"Halt in the name of New ShinRa!"

Tifa thought, in the strange calm that always preceded battle, you had to give New ShinRa credit, they were organized. As if they had materialized out of nowhere, suddenly the wide lobby was packed with army, aiming their weapons. And there was probably a force like this on each floor, all the way up to thirty.

Tifa raised her leather-gloved hands, and squeezed them tight. "Good to be back," she murmured, and leapt into the fray.

**To be continued.**


	13. This Pomp of Worlds

"I met at eve the Prince of Sleep,  
His was a still and lovely face,  
He wandered through a valley steep,  
Lovely in a lonely place."  
\- Daniel Defoe

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 13 - This Pomp of Worlds**

 

Young Shelke Rui was deep in thought, in her reclined workstation chair and scanning the data matrix of the Lifestream. The lab was empty this early, it would be at least another hour before Dr. Kanawa and the others started to come in. Shelke often worked extra hours when insomnia or sad thoughts troubled her. Mostly they were of Shalua, dead and gone, the tether that had held her to humanity.

"You are human," Vincent Valentine had said, when they had gone together to visit Shalua's grave. When she protested that she didn't want to be human, Vincent had said, "I don't blame you, it's the most terrible loneliness in the universe. Nevertheless, it is what we are."

_It is what we are. There is no escape, save death._

Shelke was not suicidal. She had learned in DeepGround how to stay alive, how to survive each day of pain and mako in hopes of one day being free. Now that she was, her life wasn't so bad. Working for a new, better ShinRa, using the skills she had obtained, was fulfilling. She was slowly getting to be friendly with the scientists she worked with, though they saw her as a child and probably always would. She often spent time with Vincent, the only one who could possibly understand what she'd been through, and it helped, his usually-silent presence. He understood that some things were too big or awful to fit inside words.

_Shalua. Why did you die before I remembered how much I love you?_

"Concentrate," Shelke told herself, in her low, monotonous voice. "Focus. Genesis Rhapsodos, where are you?"

She had scanned nearly all the natural mako in the Banora area, where it was most likely Genesis would be. Shelke squinted at the map on her monitor, zoomed in on a pool of Lifestream. It didn't make sense. Nero the Sable and Weiss the Immaculate had gone to seek Genesis after he was defeated by Zack Fair, and found him sitting beneath an apple tree in the ruins of the village. He had refused to join them, and so Nero and Weiss had gone back to their chopper to request further orders. Upon being told to bring Genesis back anyway, they had returned to the apple tree and found Genesis gone. Where could he have gone but the Lifestream?

Something was pricking at Shelke's thoughts, some bit of information that she hadn't yet realized. She looked at the map again, zoomed out until she could see all of Banora. Her glowing eyes scanned the image critically, then widened on they settled on one tiny section just outside the village.

"The cave," she said, hardly realizing she spoke aloud. "The cave where the presence of the Goddess is strong. That is where Genesis Rhapsodos went."

This was a huge breakthrough, something she knew she should tell Dr. Kanawa at once. Before she could reach for her phone, Shelke sensed that someone else was near, and she spun around as she grabbed her electro-rods. At the sight, she very nearly dropped them. There, standing calmly, was Genesis Rhapsodos, black wing folded, not a hair out of perfect place. He smiled, as if her silence were some kind of accolade.

"You must be a former Tsviet," he said. "I can sense my cells in you. I suppose that makes us a kind of cousins."

"Genesis Rhapsodos."

"Alive, and in the flesh, which you scientists clearly weren't expecting. Would you mind terribly if I destroyed these?" he asked, gesturing to the row of clones. "They creep me out."

Shelke shook her head. She didn't like them either, and Dr. Kanawa wouldn't be too upset. They had only kept them in case Genesis needed a body, after all.

Genesis elegantly drew a scarlet sword from his sheath and swung it, shattering the three standing tubes of mako in one go. The clones fell to the floor, seemingly lifeless, and Genesis severed their heads one by one. Shelke didn't look away. She had seen enough bloodshed to be immune to it by now, and she felt there was mercy in ending the existence of these manufactured things.

"That's better," he said cheerfully, and cleaned his sword on a clone's jacket before sheathing it. "Now. Perhaps you can tell me where I'll find Cloud Strife?"

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"You're going to give me a memory?"

"Why not?" Zack grinned. "Everyone else is, and I'm a slave to trends. Besides, I've got a good one. You'll probably remember a lot of it, but you should see it from my point of view."

"If you're sure..."

"Absolutely, Spiky."

Angeal laughed. "There's no use arguing with Zack once he's made his mind up. I've learned that the hard way."

Zack stuck out his tongue.

"Gaia save me from eternal teenagers."

Cloud eased himself down yet again onto the stone platform. "What memory is this, Zack?"

"The happiest day I had without Angeal."

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Zack Fair was excited. Admittedly, it didn't take much to ignite his cheerful nature, but today was special. Not only had even stoic Sephiroth recognized its importance, he had arranged for both Zack and Cloud to have the day free. A day off was unheard of for SOLDIER cadets, and Zack was determined to make this one good. How often, after all, does a best buddy turn sixteen?

"Spiky!" Zack yelled by way of announcing himself in the doorway of Cloud's room. "Ready for a day of awesomeness?"

Cloud made a face, wrinkling his nose in a way that made Zack want to pick him up and squeeze him. "Are you sure I have the day free?"

"Let me put it this way - if you didn't, Lefler would have hunted you down by now. You'd be squashed like a bug under his boot. Is your roommate in class?"

"Yeah. I told Tully I was sick. I don't want the others to find out I got a day off."

"Are they still treating you good?"

"They're great."

Cloud smiled, and Zack returned the expression. He spied on Cloud's training enough to know that there was some jealousy, both of Cloud's ability and Zack's attention, but that mostly Cloud was liked and respected by his peers. The boy managed to be exceptional without standing out too much, a trick that Zack would really have liked to know back in his own cadet days.

"Let's get going before they see you, then. Maybe you should wear a helmet, just in case. Although, heh, not being in uniform would make that a little weird."

Cloud was wearing a blue sweater and jeans; it was the first time Zack had seen him out of uniform, and he thought it made Cloud look even younger, like a civilian kid who'd wandered onto the Compound by mistake.

"It feels weird being out of uniform," Cloud confessed as they snuck down a back staircase.

"That never goes away." Zack was dressed in a green shirt and jeans, and as always he missed the familiar weight of his SOLDIER gear. "It gets to feel like a part of you."

Cloud seemed to breathe easier once they were out of the Compound and in the city of Midgar proper, though as a country boy he would always find the feel of a bustling metropolis awkward. "So where are we going? What are we doing?"

"Everywhere and everything!" Zack said a little too loudly, drawing some stares. "I'm gonna make this the coolest birthday you ever had!"

They stopped first at Frankie's Pizza, the same place Zack had celebrated his own birthday with Chase and Malakh, where Malakh had proposed to Zack and Zack had to accept to get him off his knees. Zack related the story to Cloud, who cracked up and said that Zack had some odd friends. He couldn't really argue that.

"Isn't it kind of early for pizza?" Cloud asked.

"Never! Pizza in the morning is the best way to start the day," Zack declared, as their large pepperoni-mushroom pie was placed on the table. "Okay, now!"

To Cloud's pleased embarrassment, the staff assembled into a line and started singing "Happy Birthday". A few customers joined in, and in the applause that followed Cloud turned slightly pink and muttered a thank-you. He seemed even more uncomfortable when Zack placed a circular object wrapped in bright paper on the table.

"Zack, you didn't have to get me anything," he whispered.

"I wanted to! C'mon, open it."

Cloud obediently tore off the paper and gound a greenish-blue orb of materia glowing brightly beneath the artificial lights. He handled it reverently, testing its weight with his hands and looking at it in awe.

"Is this Restore?"

"Yep. Mastered, too."

"Zack! I can't - "

"You can and will," Zack said firmly. "I remember what being a cadet is like. You get hurt all the time, and the higher-ups are stingy with Cures. Now you can perform them, for you and your buddies, all the time."

Cloud smiled. "Thank you, Zack. You're gonna make me popular."

"As long as you're still my Spiky. Let's dig in!"

The pizza was great, easily the best Cloud had ever had. Their next stop was a nearby arcade, where they challenged each other to nearly every game in the place. Cloud easily won Moogle's Kuponut Adventure, because the game required patience and he had a bigger supply of that than Zack. Zack turned out to be really good at the driving simulations and won most of the races, even beating the computer a few times. To his surprise and delight, Cloud had a knack for the fighting games, wiping the proverbial floor with Zack's character every time.

As they strolled out, Zack said, "I'm not surprised. I was just telling Seph not long ago that one day you'd wipe the floor with us both."

Cloud shyly ducked his head down. "I could never do that."

"You've got the potential, the rest is just practice. Ooh, hey! Fortune teller! You're getting a birthday reading!"

Cloud tried to protest, but in a matter of seconds he found himself sitting inside a heavily perfumed tent with Zack bouncing beside him. Across the small table sat Madame Zelda, a middle-aged woman wearing a colorful turban. She asked Cloud to hold out his hand, and studied his palm carefully.

"I see," she said in an accented voice, "a long life. No...a long youth. Strange."

"What does that mean?"

"I only see, it is for you to interpret." She went on. "I see adventure...and great trials ahead. But on your journey you will have good friends."

Cloud instinctively looked at Zack, who grinned.

"I see great fame, renown as great as that of General Sephiroth."

"See, Spiky? Told you you'd beat us both. What about love, ma'am?"

"I see a long, arduous journey...but at the end of it love, and happiness."

As they walked away from the tent, Cloud seemed pensive. Zack nudged him and asked what he was thinking.

"Just wondering if anything she said will really happen."

"I bet it will, all of it. Although I didn't like the sound of you having to undergo an arduous journey."

"I would, though," Cloud said, so softly that Zack barely caught it, "for him."

Zack threw an arm around him, and they continued walking. Their next stop was the movie theater, where Zack bought an alarming amount of popcorn and they watched one of the many action films loosely based on Sephiroth, with lots of car chases and bad guys getting run through with a long sword. Cloud asked Zack how Sephiroth felt about these films, and Zack explained that the general didn't understand why he had fans when he was just doing his job.

"The guy is almost oblivious about his own fame, I swear," Zack complained, and Cloud smiled.

When the movie ended, Zack dragged Cloud to the nearest ice cream shop, ordering a mountainous sundae for each of them. Even for the growing boys that they were, it took real effort to finish, and when they were done, Cloud moaned that he was never eating again, and Zack had to be dissuaded from ordering another one. As late afternoon turned into evening, and they were walking back to the ShinRa Compound, Zack asked Cloud if he had had fun.

"It was the most fun day I've ever had. Thanks, Zack."

"For your next birthday, I'll come with even more fun! Oh, hey, I've got to see Seph. Want to come with me?"

Cloud looked like he wanted to run away and hide, as usual, but he bravely nodded, also as usual. They found Sephiroth in his office, organizing paperwork.

"At ease, Cadet."

Cloud relaxed out of his salute and turned faintly pink. "Yes, Sir. Um, thank you for giving Zack and I the day off."

"Of course. You enjoyed it?"

"Very much, Sir!"

Sephiroth smiled, and Cloud shyly looked at the floor. Sephiroth turned his attention to Zack.

"You have reporting to do, Lieutenant? Follow me, then, I have documents to deliver." Since Lazard's disppearance, the general had found himself in the role of SOLDIER liaison to the executives, which meant more paperwork.

"Doesn't Lieutenant Keiga do this sort of thing?"

"I gave him the afternoon off to attend his niece's birthday party."

Cloud and Zack dutifully followed the general from office to office. When Zack had finished reporting the details of his last patrol, he was in no hurry to leave and continued following Sephiroth. He soon got bored and decided to pick Cloud up and spin him around.

"Hey! ZACK!"

"Lieutenant, do not twirl the cadets."

"I only do it to one of them, sir." But Zack let Cloud down, and they followed the general back to his office.

A soft bell began to chime, indicating it was time for the SOLDIERs to head to the cafeteria for dinner. Cloud wasn't hungry, but knew he should put in an appearance after being gone all day. He thanked Zack and Sephiroth again, saluted, and excused himself, throwing a last shy look at the general before he went. Sephiroth asked Zack how the day had gone, and seemed pleased that Cloud had fun.

"And dude - "

"Do not call me 'dude', Zack."

"We went to see a fortune teller, and she said Cloud's gonna be famous, as famous as you."

"Really?" Sephiroth smiled, a faint, quiet smile that seemed to hold a secret. "I would like that. I would like that very much."

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Tifa swung her fists, ducked, aimed a precise kick that sent her opponent flying into a wall. He slid down the wall slowly and tried numbly to shake it off, so Tifa performed a Beat Rush, hitting him until he was unconscious. They were trying to win without killing anyone, and Tifa wondered how well Barret was handling that. With difficulty, she assumed.

"Clear Tranquil!" she heard Yuffie yelled, and felt the reenergizing force of the healing Limit Break surge through her limbs.

"Thanks, Yuffie!"

Another uniformed guard engaged Tifa, beckoning her arrogantly into a fight that almost resembled a dance. He ducked her first punch to the face, but she caught him in the abdomen with her left fist, and he went down to his knees gasping for air. Tifa took the opportunity to steal his gun, pulled off his helmet, and smashed the firearm against the base of his skull. He went down in a heap on the floor, tripping the next one who approached.

Tifa didn't exactly like fighting, because she was a kind-hearted person who hated to hurt anyone or anything. She found more fulfillment in taking care of Denzel and Marlene, and even in running Seventh Heaven, which was a second home to many of its customers. But she couldn't deny the rush of exhilaration that came with battle, the satisfying feel of her strong hands against an enemy, the thrill that came of winning a fight for something that mattered. All through their journey around the planet before Meteorfall, Tifa had felt her skills being sharpened, her body growing stronger, and it was a wonderful feeling. It was just as great to see the same thing happening with her comrades. The first time she saw Cloud perform Omnislash, she briefly forgot she was ever worried about him.

And there was Yuffie, of course. Yuffie had been only sixteen when she joined them, a kid, and now she was a young woman who'd grown as a person and a fighter by leaps and bounds. Clearly, though, she hadn't left behind her tendency to yell during battles.

"HEY! You dented my shuriken! I'll show you what it means to piss off the White Rose of Wutai!"

"She's not bad, just loud," Finn said with a smile, as he picked up a guard and flung him into three others.

"That's Yuffie's way." Tifa faced a guard who aimed a rifle straight at her. "Bolt3!"

The guard seized up as though he'd been struck by lightning, convulsed a few times, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

"Ha ha, aren't you glad I, uh, borrowed, Cloudy's materia?" Yuffie said gleefully, deftly ducking a sword thrust.

"Borrowed, yeah, right."

"Doom of the Living!"

"How are you getting so many Limit Breaks?" Tifa asked, side-stepping a punch.

"I ate a bunch of hypers before we started! Smart, huh?"

"Oh, gods," Tifa moaned and broke the nose of a guard who had foolishly taken off his helmet. Hypers were only marginally legal in Midgar, supposed to be intended for the ill, and their effects could last all day. Tifa shuddered to think of dealing with Yuffie after they had won.

And they would win. There was no other choice.

A guard was approaching Tifa, looking for all the world that he'd rather not be doing this. When she raised her fists, he lifted up his hands as if trying to surrender.

"Please! Look, I didn't sign up for this. I just wanted to be a SOLDIER and fight for New ShinRa. I know who you are, you saved the planet, and I don't want to fight you."

Cloud. He reminded her of Cloud, who had once had the same wide-eyed innocence, and instead been subjected to so many nightmares. Tifa thought a moment, then pointed to the exit.

"Go. Get out of here."

"Thank you, Miss Lockhart!"

He went, leaving a surprised Tifa behind. She knew she was famous for the Meteorfall incident, but it always surprised her to be recognized. She had never particularly desired fame, and found it a strange thing to have. She dealt with it much as the others did, smiling and signing autographs, going on with her life. Cloud, of course, avoided people, even the people who wanted to thank him.

Cloud. Hold on, we're coming.

"Oh, fuck this. All Creation!"

All the guards within twenty feet of Yuffie dropped to the floor, hit points drained. Gradually, expertly, the room was cleared of conscious soldiers, until you could hardly move without stepping on a body. Tifa dusted her hands off and smiled, satisfied. It felt good ot be back, it really did.

"Yeah, we're awesome!" Yuffie squealed. Finn and Malakh cast her a bemused glance.

"Don't get too excited, Yuffie," Tifa cautioned. "We might have to do this on every floor on the way up."

"Don't worry! I've got more hypers!"

Tifa groaned.

__

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It had been nearly two days since Tseng parked himself in the corner of this small room, and he felt a growing restlessness that had nothing to do with his stillness or the chamber's size. Reno had been mostly motionless since whatever he was doing had started, and seemed to be glowing faintly, as if the shimmer of the Lifestream had been stretched over him. Tseng trusted Reno, and a Turk's trust was not given lightly, but he was worried. Reno had a tendency to push himself too hard, usually at risk to his own health and well-being. Tseng couldn't fault him for caring for others, but he cared for Reno, and hated to see him pushing himself so hard.

For he was straining himself, Tseng could see it in his determined expression. He had tried several times to speak to Reno, but the boy didn't seem to hear and had not replied. Reno had spoken a few times, but not to him, and Tseng wasn't sure what to make of what he had said. For the first time he could remember, Tseng wished he shared Reno's gift, so he could see when and how this would end.

"Reno," he said softly, "please be well."

The boy stood still, eyes closed, and gave no answer.

The door opened, and Dr. Kanawa entered, letting go of the ID card around his neck that he had just showed to the guards. He seemed agitated, and Tseng's guard immediately went up.

"What is it?"

"We're under attack! Soldiers have been deployed to every floor!"

"I wouldn't worry, Doctor. We've been expecting this. Shouldn't you be in the lab?"

"I'm headed there next. I wanted to stop in and check on Reno."

"There's been no change."

"Gods, don't Turks sleep?"

"Sometimes."

"Intruder Alert," the alarm above and around them blared. "All employees seek shelter. Repeat, all employees seek shelter."

Kanawa took Reno's vitals with a Medical Sense materia. Blood pressure, respiration, and temperature were all perfectly normal.

"As far as I can tell, he's fine," Kanawa concluded.

"You should go to your lab, Doctor. The other employees won't be able to get in with all this going on. There will be guards protecting the lab, you should put yourself under their protection."

Kanawa knew he was right, but felt reluctant to leave. "And you, Tseng?"

"I will remain here as long as Reno is here. I don't expect the intruders would harm him, but I can't take any chances. They are rather zealous where Strife is concerned."

"What about the president? Shouldn't you guard him?"

"Rod and Elena, I'm sure, are handling that. Rufus wouldn't want me to leave Reno's side."

"I guess that's true."

At that moment, Reno's body suddenly shifted, pressing forward on the balls of his feet. His head shot up, and he moaned softly, a pitiable sound. Tseng was on his feet at once and at Reno's side.

"Reno, we're here. It's okay."

__

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"What's going on with Reno?" Cloud asked, concerned.

Zack merely looked worried, and didn't answer. He had seen this before.

__

scscscsc

"Coming...he's coming," Reno gasped, and all at once his muscles loosened and he was standing quietly, as though nothing had happened.

__

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Tseng and Kanawa, who were focused on Reno, had their concentration broken by noise coming from outside. The sound of the guards saying "Halt!", the umistakable sound of a scuffle, and what they guessed to be the guards being thrown against the wall and falling in heaps on the floor. The door opened, and everything seemed to go into slow motion. Genesis Rhapsodos entered the room.

He looked exactly as Tseng remembered him, young as mako would forever keep him, fashionably dressed and handsome with a flirtatious smile. He touched his sheathed sword as he entered, either for reassurance or to show them he was armed, and stood in what came across as a heroic pose.

"You've been looking for me, Doctor?"

**To be continued.**


	14. My Deeper Anguish

"Once one has seen God, what is the remedy?"  
\- Sylvia Plath

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 14 - My Deeper Anguish**

 

On his appearance, Kanawa gaped, his jaw stretching comically wide. He had never looked less like Hojo than in this stunned moment, and Genesis nodded as though approving this. Tseng recovered first, as Turks are trained to do, and cautious to move slowly, put himself in between Genesis and Reno.

"Relax, Commander. I'm not here to harm anyone. I serve the Goddess now, who made and loves all things. Serving Her, how can I do less?"

Kanawa was still staring open-mouthed, so Tseng asked the question. "Where have you been?"

"Ah, surprised to see me alive? I did die, at least I think I did. For these past years, I have been in Her sanctuary in Banora, growing stronger in Her presence."

"The cave," Kanawa croaked at last.

"Indeed, the cave. Your young lady friend figured it out, she's a clever one. I hope you don't mind that I destroyed your miserable clones. As you can see, they were not necessary."

He stretched out a hand to Kanawa, who touched it and found it warm and living. He quickly groped for his Medical Sense materia and used it, while Genesis obligingly stayed still and laughed softly.

"You-You're in perfect health."

"Of course I am, Doctor."

"We-We've been searching for you."

"I know, I felt it. I've been wanting to ask exactly why."

Tseng answered, as though willing to take the fall for an answer that would not please. "Sephiroth may return. And Strife cannot fight him again."

"So you think I can? _Please_. We're suffering the same illness, Strife and I." Genesis tossed his hair, trying for indifference and nearly achieving it. "Besides, fighting Sephiroth only delays the inevitable. He must be rescued, and that's what I came to help with."

"Can he be reclaimed? After all this time..."

"I believe so. I hope so. I don't think the Goddess would have sent me back if it were impossible."

"Welcome back, Commander."

"Still so concerned with rank, Commander? How like a Turk. By the by, you may have to reboot your doctor friend."

"I'm fine," Kanawa said hastily, shaking off his reverie of staring. "Just amazed."

"I know, I know. My photos hardly do me justice. I must remember to provide my fan club with some new ones. By the way, what exactly were you thinking, holding Strife here? You know his friends are on their merry way up here to rain fiery death on you for it."

"We thought if Strife were comatose, he would not draw Sephiroth back to the world."

"Oh. That's actually quite clever. Wrong, but clever."

"Wrong?"

"As long as Strife is alive, he will draw Sephiroth. You'd have to kill him to stop it, and that would only piss Seph off further." Genesis looked at Cloud for a long, silent few moments. "I suppose it worked out. Now Strife can receive memories of Seph from the dead, and use what he learns to change the past, just enough to give us a shot."

Tseng felt a burst of something like relief. Not enough to truly reassure him, but enough to satisfy his curiosity.

"That's what they're doing, what Reno is helping with?"

"Yes, I believe your young friend is anchoring Strife to his body, while my friends hold him to the Lifestream. Speaking of which, if you'll excuse me..."

__

scscscsc

There was a hint of uncharacteristic timidity to Genesis as he approached them with a hopeful smile. He need not have worried. Before he could speak, Angeal's arms were tight around him and he was being lifted almost off his feet. He hugged back, remembering Angeal's embraces and having missed them so damn much.

"'Geal."

"You brat." Angeal's voice was choked with emotion. "You were alive all this time. I kept waiting to see you."

"I've missed you. Even more than my hair care products." They stepped apart, though Angeal kept a hand on Genesis's shoulder. "'Geal, I'll never be able to say it enough. I'm so sorry."

"I forgave you, Gen. I always will, as long as you've learned to keep your hands to yourself."

"Oh, I have. Living in a cave with only the omnipotent for company tends to teach you that. My hands have gotten very acquainted with myself, if you know what I mean."

Angeal shoved him lightly, but laughed. Genesis turned to Aerith and bowed elegantly.

"My lady, a pleasure to meet a fellow servant of Gaia." She offered her hand, and giggled when he kissed it. "And Puppy. It's nice to finally see you without lusting for your blood."

Zack gently slipped past Angeal and gave Genesis a brief hug. The man was startled, but seemed pleased.

"'Geal, did you notice? I kept my hands above the waist."

"You really have changed," Zack laughed.

Last of all, Genesis turned to Cloud. He smiled beatifically, and placed a hand on Cloud's shoulder. He didn't speak until Cloud had done the same to him.

"I really do sense Sephiroth in you," Genesis said softly. "I sense a connection to him that distance can't break, and a love for him that rivals my own. Cloud Strife. I loved him first, but he chose you. I'm glad. It means he isn't meant to be alone."

Cloud was struck by the sincerity in his voice. "Genesis. I'm happy to finally meet you properly."

Genesis's blue eyes sparkled with mischief. "That's right, I was pretty naughty to you when I was serving the dark goddess. Please accept my apology."

"It's okay."

Genesis looked genuinely relieved. "If you're still accepting them, I'd like to offer a memory."

"Of course. Is it of Sephiroth?"

Genesis shook his head. "You know Seph well enough by now. I want to show you why I turned out the way I did. It's no excuse for the evil I did, but...I want you all to know."

Cloud thought back to the memories of Genesis he had seen when Genesis bit him all those years ago. One stood out, vivid and terrible, and Cloud knew that was the one Genesis intended to share. The idea chilled him.

"Are you sure?"

Genesis smiled sadly. "No more secrets between me and my loved ones. Will you receive it?"

"I'd be honored."

Genesis's cornflower-blue stare locked on Cloud's eyes, and remained as Cloud got into position. Their depths were great oceans of sadness, a lifetime of loving and heartbreak. Cloud felt, as he drifted away, that they must look very like his own.

__

scscscsc

"I don't want to see them. Can't I just go home with you?"

Fourteen-year-old Genesis heard a hint of a whine in his own voice, and grimaced. Nothing he despised greater than weakness, unless perhaps it was the appearance of weakness displayed to someone else. He looked at the grass between his feet. Even the beauty of springtime in Banora couldn't remove the cold feeling from his stomach, like something bad was going to happen.

"You're coming over for dinner. Before that, you should unpack. And at least let your parents know you're here."

"They won't care."

Angeal, looking almost an adult at age thirteen, took Genesis's hand and squeezed it. "They care. Even awful parents care."

"Clearly no one has taught you the meaning of 'awful'."

"We're SOLDIER 1sts now, remember. Your dad will be proud of that, if nothing else."

Genesis briefly smiled. This time off had been given in honor of their recent promotion, and it still excited him to be an elite, now famous SOLDIER, finally Sephiroth's rank.

"I wish Seph could have come with us."

"Me too," Angeal said, "but I guess they couldn't spare all of us at once. There are only three of us, after all."

"There will be more, soon. But we three will always be together, right?"

Angeal squeezed his hand once more before letting go. "Of course. You and me and Seph, friends and comrades for life."

Genesis looked wistfully into the sky. His feelings for Sephiroth went beyond friendship, had before he knew what a relationship meant or felt like, and he was quite certain he'd feel this way forever. One day, he resolved, one day soon, he'd get up the nerve to confess his feelings for Sephiroth, to plead for the chance to earn Sephiroth's own feelings. For despite what the scientists siad, Genesis was quite sure Sephiroth was capable of love. All he needed was the right person to open his heart.

_Great Gaia, let me be that person._

"Gen. Go home. It'll be okay. Bring a few apples when you come over."

"I'll bring a basketful," Genesis sighed, finally resolving to go.

It was a short walk, too short a walk really, to the largest house in the village, where Genesis had grown up and where Mayor Gerald Rhapsodos still lived with his wife Eva. Genesis had always been vocal about his hatred for his meek mother, unable to respect a woman who took her husband's abuse as if she deserved it, but his feelings for his father were more complicated. On the one hand, he disliked the man for his cruelty and coldness, but he had grown up idolizing him. Even now, Genesis wanted to tell him about making 1st Class, wondered if the man would be proud of him at last.

 _Why do I care?_ Genesis asked himself, and received no answer.

He felt like a child again, opening the creaky wooden door. He expected a maid to come rushing out to greet him, but it seemed like no one was home. He took his boots off and padded quietly, suitcase in hand, to the upstairs hallway and the closed door of his father's study. He could hear movement from inside and called out in a voice that, once again, embarrassed him.

"Father? I'm home."

Only a grunt of acknowledgment answered him. He hadn't really expected much more, knowing his father, but his heart fell. Suddenly he was a little boy again, calling for his parents and being ignored.

"Fuck this," Genesis murmured to himself, and headed to his room.

The maid, at least, had prepared for his arrival. Fresh sheets were on the bed, and the room - which he always left a mess - was neat and clean. Genesis reached under his pillow and found his stuffed bear in its usual place, a childhood gift from Angeal that he used to sleep with. Still did, on the rare occasions that he was home.

It felt strange, being here. Midgar had become home, and being anywhere else for any reason but a mission felt awkward, like trying to wear someone else's clothes. The bed here seemed to belong not to him, but to the child he had once been. Genesis stared at it for a long minute, remembering illnesses and sleepovers with Angeal, before opening his suitcase and slowly putting away the few clothes he had brought. There were a few knicknacks as well that he had acquired on his travels, which he lined up on top of his bookcase. A metronome from Wutai, a crystal suncatcher from Kalm, a fragment of turquoise from Mideel. They were proof of his life as a SOLDIER, as an almost-adult, and he displayed them as though to challenge the rest of the room, make it less of a child's.

"I heard about your promotion."

The voice was gruff, nothing like Genesis's, and unmistakable. Genesis turned to the doorway to see his father standing in it, drinking a glass of bourbon.

"Father."

"It should've happened sooner, but I suppose fourteen is remarkable for a SOLDIER1st. I'm proud of you."

A small explosion seemed to take place in Genesis's chest. His father, proud, proud enough to admit it. The boy felt as happy as he had the day earlier that week, when he first put on his new black uniform, and for a few moments Genesis completely forgot his enmity toward his dad. Better yet, Gerald had closed the door and was approaching him with spread arms.

"Give your old man a hug, son."

Smiling, nearly tearing up, Genesis obeyed, pressing his face gratefully into the elder's shoulder, enjoying the bourbon and tobacco scent that characterized all his memories of his father. He couldn't remember the last time Gerald had hugged him, and part of him wanted desperately to stay in this moment forever, for only Gaia knew when the next occasion might come. Then, out of the blue, something went wrong. Gerald's hand, which had been kneading Genesis's back, slowly traveled lower.

"F-Father?"

"Be quiet."

"But - "

"You wanted my attention, didn't you?"

And he had. Gaia, he had. But not like this.

The other hand was running over the boy's smooth hair. "Always had such pretty hair. You've grown up well, Genesis."

Genesis tried to speak, but couldn't even get a croaking sound out. He didn't have long to try, as Gerald stepped back, pulled Genesis nearer and kissed him, catching the confused boy's mouth with his own. His meaty tongue pushed its way past Genesis's lips, and this was not what Genesis had done once or twice with Angeal, what he dreamed of doing with Sephiroth. This was something impersonal and cold, devoid of passion though it was fierce and hungry.

Genesis found himself joining in the kiss, moving his tongue against Gerald's, thinking it was at least attention, what he had asked for. But he froze when hands joined the lack of struggle, tugging Genesis's leather pants down, pushing his poet's shirt up and off. When Genesis stood nude before him, Gerald looked him up and down.

"So beautiful," he whispered, and Genesis shivered.

The man stripped himself of his own clothing, revealing a body that was once toned but since been softened by age and alcohol. Genesis, still frozen, honestly didn't know what was about to happen until his father spoke again.

"Get on the bed."

"F-Father..."

"Now."

Genesis obeyed, finding the satin quilt cool against his flushed body. His father crawled on top of him, looming like a fist raised to crush an insect, and Genesis looked up with a plea in his eyes. This was not what he had meant, not it at all.

"What are you afraid of? You're old enough to do this now, you've probably done it with all the other SOLDIERs." Gerald smiled, and said the next words almost lovingly. "Little whore. Look what you drive a man to."

Genesis shivered again, shuddered as Gerald began to kiss his jaw and neck, inadvertently touching some very sensitive spots. Genesis told himself that since he couldn't stop this, he might as well enjoy it like he was obviously supposed to, and he tried. It did feel good when Gerald reached between his legs and stimulated the organ that, up to now, only Genesis had touched. The man continued to kiss, now down Genesis's chest, and took a nipple into his mouth and sucked it hard, as Genesis writhed and arched up. He then did the same to the other nipple, leaving them both hard and wet, and thumbed them roughly before easing himself down Genesis's body.

"See, you want it, you slut."

Genesis cried out as his father enveloped his hardening penis. The pressure felt incredible, and Genesis understood at once why grown-ups were so fixated on sex. The combinationof heat and pressure was indescribable, and he hardened completely as Gerald began to suck. The rapture that preceded ejaculation was no stranger to Genesis, who had learned to masturbate early and did it often, but it was even stronger now, more urgent. Climax was building, approaching...then there was a disappointing cold as Gerald removed his mouth.

"Hey - " Genesis heard himself say.

"You'll come when I do, not before." Gerald took some lotion from Genesis's bedside table and spread it over his fingers. "You're lucky I'm preparing you, I doubt you need it."

Genesis had only a moment to wonder what preparation his father was talking about. In seconds, his legs were being shoved up on top of Gerald's shoulders, and something cold and wet was inside him, probing with very little, if any, gentleness.

"Hurts," he whispered.

"Fuck, you're tight. Mako must keep you that way."

Another finger, and this one brushed against something that made Genesis let out a loud, needy moan. Gerald smiled triumphantly, and the look on his father's face made Genesis feel very much like a whore. He couldn't help how good this felt...did that mean he wanted it? He wished it would stop, but couldn't manage the courage to ask his father to end this.

_I wanted his attention. I must have wanted this. Does this happen to Sephiroth, does it go this far? How does he handle it?_

Three fingers now, rough as ever, and Genesis's whole lower body was trembling. He felt aroused, no use denying that, and desperately wanted something big and thick inside him, filling him up and banishing this empty feeling, this inner ache. He was almost relieved when Gerald positioned himself and began to enter, not going slowly enough to avoid pain, but there was pleasure too as the emptiness was filled, as all the nerves inside him were rubbed and set afire. With his hands on Genesis's limp arms, Gerald towered over him, breathing heavily and looking satisfied, and he rested still a moment once he was all the way in.

"Gods," Genesis groaned, in a little pain, but mostly not.

"Fuck, you feel good."

The pain increased as he began to thrust, but the pleasure did too, and soon Genesis found himself falling into the rhythm of their rocking, pushing up to meet his father's downward thrust. His head felt hot, his chest was on fire. There was a sick sort of feeling in his stomach, but Genesis was trying not to think about that. It got worse when Gerald leaned down to kiss him, but Genesis obediently opened his mouth, and groaned softly into it.

"Knew you'd like this, always knew..."

 _Do I?_ The question seemed too big and complicated to ever be answered. The only thing Genesis was certain about was that he wanted Angeal. He wanted to be somewhere else, with Angeal's arm around his shoulders. _But Father is right. I asked for this, didn't I? Why else would he pay attention to me at all?_

The familiar rush was building again, stronger than ever. He was achingly, almost painfully hard, and he wanted to come, so much that his other wants and needs were blotted out. Gerald was breathing in pants, heavier and faster as the seconds dragged on, and he began to move faster, unaware or uncaring of the blood that was dripping out of Genesis and onto the quilt.

"That's it, good boy."

Genesis felt a thrill of happiness to hear these rare words, but nothing could distract him long. The urge was increasing, a dam preparing to burst. Fiunally it reached its zenith, and Genesis came hard and with a moan of relief as he spurted hard into the space between their bodies. The contraction of Genesis's muscles put Gerald over the edge as well, as soon Genesis felt his insides being filled with hot fluid. Gerald collapsed on top of the boy for a few moments, catching his breath, then propped himself back up and pulled out, then stood uneasily and began to dress.

"I don't suppose I need tell you that this is our secret."

Genesis shook his head.

"You don't want anyone to know how depraved you really are."

Genesis said nothing, merely lay nude on his bed with his father's semen drying on his thighs. Of course he was depraved, he thought, he'd just enjoyed sex with his own father. No one could ever know.

"Father?"

"What?" Gerald said, a touch impatiently.

"Do you...love me?"

The man laughed, and not in a kindly way. "Of course. Why else would I bother with you? Why else would I do what we just did?"

"Thank you," Genesis said, shocked by the dullness in his voice. "That's what I thought."

"Your mother will be home tomorrow, so we'll celebrate your homecoming then. I suppose you'll be spending today with Hewley."

Genesis sat up slowly, and nodded. "I'm going to Angeal's for dinner."

"Good. I have important papers to go over and I need quiet. Get dressed."

Gerald left the room and closed the door behind him, gone as quickly as he'd appeared. Zombie-like, Genesis shuffled to his bathroom and showered, not scrubbing himself any harder than usual, and being especially gentle with his aching bottom. It felt good to wash away the sweat that had come during the sex act.

_Sex. I'm not a virgin anymore. Funny. He'd always thought this milestone would feel better, hoped it would be shared with Sephiroth. I'm not a virgin anymore, and I can't even tell 'Geal._

Once he was clean and his hair was washed and conditioned, Genesis toweled off and put on some loose-fitting, comfortable clothes. In his bedroom, he was drawn to the rumpled bed linen, straightening it out and removing the soiled quilt to the laundry for the maid to wash. What would she think of the blood stain in the center? Genesis found that he didn't much care.

Very suddenly, he wanted fresh air, wanted it as much as he had ever desired anything. He nearly flew down the stairs, thrust open the front door and gulped in the cool Banora air like he had been deprived of oxygen. The day was beautiful, like all the days of his youth he'd spent here with Angeal, but it all seemed unreal somehow, like the simulations they trained with in the holographic rooms.

 _Angeal_ , he thought numbly. _Angeal. I'm going to Angeal's for dinner. I said I'd bring apples._

He took a basket from a nearby pile and began to fill it, thanking Gaia there were plenty on the low branches so there was no need to go find a ladder. The apple smell of the trees was comforting, always had been, and he inhaled it gratefully. Then he fell to his knees, the basket dropped, and he was choking out ropes of vomit, feeling like it would never stop.

"Gen? Gen!"

Angeal's voice, and Genesis felt so happy to hear it that he started to cry. Once his stomach was emptied of breakfast and lunch, he continued to dry-heave for a little while, as Angeal rubbed his back and spoke soothingly to him.

"Gaia, Gen, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," the elder boy managed. "Better now."

"Did something happen? Was it your dad?"

"No...I think it was just something I ate." Genesis wiped his mouth and smiled uneasily. "And all that jostling around on the chopper."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"You should lay down. Come on, you can take a nap in my bed."

Genesis could have kissed him for not suggesting he go to his own room. "Will you lay with me?"

"Of course, as long as you want."

Angeal gently helped his best friend up, slung an arm around his back and began to walk him toward the small Hewley residence. A few tears escaped Genesis's eyes as a familiar feeling of security washed over him, the smell of stew cooking, the welcoming smile of Gillian, the feel of Angeal. Here was truly home.

As expected, Gillian fussed over Genesis, tucking he and Angeal into bed, feeling his head, bringing them tea. Genesis thanked her warmly for everything, with a sincerity his own parents rarely saw from him. When dinner time came, the boys ate sitting up in the bed, and laid back down once they were finished. Angeal's presence was better than any potion, and Genesis felt very nearly himself again.

"Sleep here tonight."

"Happily." Genesis took Angeal's hand and held it to his heart. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, you know."

Angeal laughed. "You'll say the same thing to whoever you fall in love with."

"Won't."

"Will."

"Won't!"

"Okay, okay." Angeal kissed Genesis's forehead. "Sleep. I'll be right here."

Genesis closed his eyes and began to drift. "You really are the best, 'Geal. I love you."

"I love you too."

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Once Genesis drifted off in the memory, Cloud opened his eyes and found Angeal hugging Genesis so hard that he was lifting him clear off the floor. Zack was watching with leaking eyes, and Cloud felt tears streaming down his own face. He had known what the memory would be, but still wasn't prepared for something so horrifying.

"So that was what was wrong that day," Angeal wept softly. "Damn it, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you'd have killed him."

"Damn right I would have."

"Because I couldn't bear the thought of anyone knowing I didn't say no."

Angeal pulled back enough to hold Genesis by the shoulders, and for Cloud to see his pained brown eyes. "That doesn't mean it was right. He had no right to do that to you, no matter what you said or didn't say."

Genesis smiled sadly. "'Geal. You still make me feel better."

"What a fucked-up dad," Zack said, shaking his head. "Genesis, I'm so sorry. If I'd known, I..."

"No, Puppy, what happened to me doesn't absolve me of all the awful things I did. I just wanted you all to see where it started, to help you understand." Genesis turned to Cloud, fixed him with a solemn gaze. "Because I didn't resist, I ignored resistance. Because I had been fair game, everyone else was."

"I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"Thank you."

Aerith slipped closer to them and wordlessly put her arms around Genesis. He seemed surprised, but hugged her back, and a single tear fell from one of his bright blue eyes.

**Okay, I'm so glad that's over, ugh. To be continued.**


	15. For All That Lives

"Rise up and drink your bliss, for all that lives is holy."  
\- William Blake

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 15 - For All That Lives**

 

Under the flashing red alarm lights, the indoor world of the New ShinRa building became surreal, and the endless stream of guards they had to fight made it stranger. Because the stairs that led to one floor didn't also lead upward to the rest of the floors, it was necessary to fight their way through each floor to get to the next set of stairs.

As she Final Heavened an unusually strong opponent, dropping him like a bag of clothes, Tifa commended herself for putting Barret in the other party and hoped he, and the others, were doing okay.

Rude approached her, knocking out soldiers with his electromagrod as he came, elegantly but efficiently - what she had come to expect of the Turk.

"Hey, Rude! Any luck?"

He shook his head. "Very few have surrendered. Mostly they believe I'm a traitor."

"Are you going to get in trouble for this? With Rufus?"

"I doubt it. I'm only following Reno's order, after all. What?" he asked, because she was smiling.

"I've never heard you talk so much. I'm enjoying it."

Suddenly the magrod was being pointed directly at her. In shock, she didn't have time to ask Rude why before he yelled "Duck!" Tifa obeyed, and looked to find a man with a long knife right behind where she had been standing. He was dead now, or at least deeply unconscious.

Tifa stood up, feeling heat burn in her cheeks. "Um, thank you."

Rude smiled, an expression Tifa found herself returning.

"Hey, lovebirds! We got a room full of baddies to clear," Yuffie called out, smirking.

Enemies were approaching, and Tifa and Rude stood back to back to confront them. Rude wielded his heavy magrod as if it were a sword, and in hands as skilled as his, it could do as much damage. Tifa performed a Beat Rush, followed by Somersault, and a Dolphin Blow for good measure. This worked well, them fighting this way, and their enemies swiftly dropped to the floor.

A few minutes later, the floor was cleared, and Tifa called everyone over.

"Okay, group meeting! If Rude and our intel are right, we've got two floors to go before we get to Cloud. You've all been doing great. I want everyone to take a minute, to breathe, to heal up - no more hypers, Yuffie - whatever you need. In sixty seconds, we head up."

"Maybe Team B has already gotten to Cloud," Malakh suggested.

"Could be, but I doubt it. We have experience with ShinRa elevators. It's a long ride and usually a long battle as well. If they've gotten to the right floor yet, their job is to draw the security away from Cloud, so we can slip right in and get him. Everybody still with me?"

"Hell to the yeah," Yuffie squealed.

"With you, darlin'." Typical Cid.

Rude, Finn, and Malakh all simply, gravely nodded.

"Thank you, all of you. I know we're going to win, because the gods are on our side, and because when friendship truly binds a group of people, friendship and a cause that's right, winning is the only option. You hear me? We came to get Cloud back and that's what we're going to do."

A raucous cheer answered her, and made her wish once again that Cloud were the leader of this brave bunch, so she could just follow his lead. She was reminded of Cloud's mako poisoning in Mideel, when she'd briefly quit the quest to take care of him. Cid had temporarily taken over as leader, and did a good job of it. But afterward, he had confessed that getting to put that position down was one of the happiest moments of his life.

Tifa understood that, now. She wanted Cloud here to be the natural leader he was. She just plain wanted Cloud here.

_Cloud, please be okay._

____

scscscsc

Genesis seemed to find it easy, after all he'd been through, to be in the Lifestream and out of it at the same time. He was able to talk to Cloud, then immediately to Dr. Kanawa, with no trouble. He was able to assuage Tseng's worries by relaying Reno's "I'm fine, don't worry" message.

"Is that it?" Cloud asked as he descended the stone platform. "Are we done?"

"Seems like it," Aerith said cheerfully. "I guess now comes the hard part. What will you change?"

"I-I don't know. I don't even know how."

"Gaia will show us the way. Cloud? Cloud!"

The young blond (boy, he would always be a boy) seemed to crumple, and fell with a strange slowness to the soft white ground. At first he could hear the startled voices above and around him, but they began to fade, and soon he was alone, in a dark, cold place. And there were two voices speaking, all around him it seemed, both clear, both feminine, but different in every respect otherwise. The second was gentle, familiar, motherly, but powerful beyond belief. The first was seductive, beckoning, sweet and sharp as broken glass, and Cloud didn't need long to guess who she was.

**Look, Gaia, your poor hero is awake. How does it feel, hero, to know I possess the only thing you've ever loved?**

"Fuck you,"Cloud said, getting to his feet. "I'll free him."

**Fool. He has chosen me, his mother. The only Sephiroth that exists now is my devoted servant.**

"You lie! The real Sephiroth isn't gone and I'm gonna get him back!"

**And what can you offer my Sephiroth that's better than being a god? A short mortal life among humans who hate him? No. He will always choose me.**

"What are you?" Cloud asked quietly. "Where did you come from? Why here, why us?"

**I come from the void, from the furthest reaches of space. I was ruler of my home planet, until my rivals sealed me in a stratum of rock and sent me out into the vast cold of space, where I landed on your planet. I was a queen of the Cetra before they, too, rebelled and encased me in rock. There I slept, until Gast Faremis found and freed me. Fool of a mortal.**

_He knew not what he did,_ Gaia said gently.

**He used me, my cells, to create mortal gods, and Sephiroth the best of them all. In time, my son and I will use this dying planet to soar through the heavens, where we will find a new planet worthy to be ruled by us.**

Cloud had heard this before, and had just as little patience for it now. "What about this planet?"

**It will live, or it will die. We care not.**

_It must live. I have promised life to it, until the day Omega gathers up all life and we together resettle it somewhere new, or we walk together for the rest of our long lives, carrying inside us every living thing that has ever been._

**Except Sephiroth, of course. I keep him. Take him from me, if you dare. If you so willingly seek your death.**

"Damn it, what are you?" Cloud shouted. "How can something like you exist?"

**I am Death. I am Destruction and Withering. I am the consequence of all life.**

_Don't believe her, Cloud. I am Gaia, the planet-maker, and I am both growth and decay, both birth and dying. She is an abomination. You know this to be true._

And he did know.

**Fool. With the life you've had, why do you show allegiance to her? Where was Gaia when Tifa ignored you and the boys picked on you? Where, when you were almost raped in the communal showers? Where?**

_I am here, Cloud, always. You have never suffered alone. I lent my strength to you, and each time, you moved forward and solved your problem. I've felt such pride in you. I chose you to be my hero, and you have served me well._

"Why did you choose me?"

_Because I watched you grow up, strong in heart as well as body. I saw the line of fate connecting you to Sephiroth and I knew that only you could save him from the Calamity from the Skies. I knew only you would be able to break the hold she has over him. With love alone it may be done. When the time comes, I will help you. Call upon me by my Summon name, Minerva._

**Ha. You think Sephiroth can be reclaimed with love? He has no memory of the feeling. He is my creature now, my puppet.**

_Ignore her, Cloud, and she will withdraw. Now. Have you decided what time and place I will send you back to?_

He hadn't thought about it at all, to be honest. All the recent memories he'd received had been occupying his thoughts, and anyway, it was a tough question. He didn't know how much time he'd be allowed, or the best time and place for it. He kept thinking back to what Zack had written in his memoir about Sephiroth - "I wish I could go back to that moment and hug him, even if it kills us both." Cloud had no idea, no plan, which was why he was surprised to find himself answering Her.

"Nibelheim, our last night there. When he impaled me on his sword and I threw him off."

_Are you sure?_

"No, but I'm going with a gut feeling, the strongest I've ever had."

_Very well._

_scscscsc_

"Cloud! Cloud!"

Zack lifted him up onto the stone platform and lightly slapped his pale cheeks.

"Spiky, c'mon, you're scaring me."

"He's all right," Reno said softly.

Aerith lifted her bowed head from her clasped hands, having just been deep in prayer. "Reno's right. Cloud is with Her."

Zack looked relieved. He brushed some hair back from Cloud's forehead, took one of Cloud's hands and felt it squeeze his in response.

"We're waiting for you, Spiky. Choose your moment well."

__

scscscsc

Cloud couldn't hear any of them, because he was in a place and time long before. He was sixteen years old again, burning with rage in his burning village, running mostly on adrenaline to the Nibelheim mako reactor. Sephiroth was there, Sephiroth who he had loved and trusted and been betrayed by, and Sephiroth would pay for what he had done.

Cloud's rage was like a thick fog of redness, one he could hardly see through. How could this have happened? Sephiroth had been so kind, so warm toward Cloud like he always was, occasionally making Cloud believe for a moment that he had a chance with the hero, with the legend who was more human than most people knew. He had, quietly and alone, mourned Tully's death when the bridge snapped, not reprimanded Cloud for crying on Zack's shoulder. He was human...so how could he have done this?

Cloud suspected the answer had to do with the man they called Genesis, the one who had molested and bitten him during their first visit to the reactor. It was all a blur for Cloud, but he remembered Sephiroth being close, touching his face. He remembered being so near to what he wanted, it seemed, all his life. Then Genesis's voice, as sweet and deceptive as the dark goddess herself, saying terrible things, and Sephiroth had pulled away. Cloud had never felt so alone in a lonely life as he did the moment Sephiroth's hand withdrew.

"I trusted you," the boy murmured into the cold night air. " I loved you."

And loved you still, always will, and Cloud knew it even as he plotted his revenge. He felt a bit guilty, having promised Zack he would wait for reinforcements outside the village, but his anger dwarfed that emotion. Love and the betrayal of that love drove Cloud now, as though the distance between Nibelheim and the reactor were nothing, and before he knew it, Cloud was there, pausing briefly to wonder if Zack was okay, hoping he wouldn't have another death to avenge.

_Zack is strong. Stronger than I'll ever be, that's for sure. But against Sephiroth? What am I doing, going up against Sephiroth? It doesn't matter. He has to be stopped before more people are hurt. If I die...I die._

And this terrible love would end, once and for all.

Blood rushing in his ears, drowning out the sound of the wind, Cloud ran up the ramp that led into the reactor. The place was trashed, as though someone had destroyed everything remotely in his way, and Cloud followed the path of destruction into the main room.

"Tifa!"

She was laying on the ground in an unnatural position, and still. He got to her quickly and was relieved to find she was just hurt, not dead. Cloud carefully lifted her up and set her down out of the way, against a row of mako tubes.

Tifa's brown eyes opened as he settled her down, and she smiled weakly. "Cloud."

"I'm here. Help is on the way."

"You kept your promise."

"My promise?"

"To come save me. Remember?"

He did only in that moment, the night sky above them, the tower in Nibelheim's central square. "I remember. Tifa?"

But she was unconscious again, and seeing her in this weak state brough the anger flooding back. Zack's sword was stuck in the ground nearby, and somehow he took hold of it easily, lifting the heavy weapon with one hand. He walked quietly with it into the next room, ran up the long, thick tube that led from the door, and without thinking, he stabbed it through Sephiroth's body, so hard that the blade went into the glass tank in front of it.

Sephiroth made a surprised noise, and his gloved hands scraped the the glass as he fell to the floor. Tears blurring his eyes, Cloud withdrew the blade from what was surely a fatal wound, and went back to Tifa, leaving the sword on the floor. He shook her lightly, tryingto wake her so he could ask if she had seen Zack, but she was out cold.

"By someone like you..."

The voice was colder than anything Cloud had ever known, even having grown up in the eternal winter of Nibelheim. He looked up to find Sephiroth in the doorway, and had to hold back a rush of joy that the man was somehow okay.

"Cloud..." Zack's voice, finally, Zack over there and with eyes closed, apparently talking in his sleep.

_It's okay, Zack. I'll finish this, for us. For the sake of the living._

"SEPHIROTH!"

Cloud grabbed the sword, ran up the stairs, and swung with all his strength. Sephiroth defended easily, flicked him off as easily as a man would swat an insect. The next thing Cloud knew was the blunt force of the floor rising up to meet him, and a moment later, searing pain as Masamune entered him and lifted him off the floor.

"Is that all you've got?" the legend sneered, then looked surprised.

For the foolish boy was looking at him, looking in a way very few people ever had, past the beauty, past the renown, looking only at Sephiroth as a fellow human being, and doing it with eyes that were older than a boy's. Older, and alive with the fire of mako.

Impaled on the katana, held off the ground by it, the boy took hold of the blade with bloody gloves and pulled himself further onto it. He grimaced with pain but continued to haul himself closer, and Sephiroth was so shocked by this that he stood there and did nothing, even when Cloud was up to the hilt and their faces were inches apart.

"I...know you," Cloud gasped. "I know the real Sephiroth that she's buried, the one that the goddess and I both chose. I know you wept for your real mother, Lucrecia Crescent, and that Dr. Gast gave you toys and loved you like his very own. I know what Hojo did that made you close yourself off, and how Angeal and Genesis tried to open you up again."

Something flickered in the luminous green eyes. Something silver...and human.

"I know you risked everything loving me, and I know I will love you until the day my heart stops beating, and beyond. Whatever you've done, whatever you will do, I forgive it all. I love you, Sephiroth. Only love. Forever."

Cloud grabbed Sephiroth's head and pulled it close, capturing the still lips with his own, kissing passionately until he felt Sephiroth kiss back. He gave himself, them, a few moments before regretfully pulling away.

"Now please, Sephiroth," he said, well aware that he had never asked him before, "please, _fight her_!"

Using both hands and all his strength, Cloud gripped the blade, and swung it wide, pulling it out of himself and sending the dazed Sephiroth falling into the mako far below them. When Sephiroth could no longer be seen, Cloud staggered out, pressing a hand tightly to his stomach wound. It all felt strange, like it had happened before, and he knew awful things were coming but that there would be an end to them, someday. The world would balance out the bad with good. Cloud heard voices calling him, wondered if it was the Lifestream, if he was going to die, but as he fell down the stairs there was only Zack's voice and Zack's reaching hand. Before either could get to him, Cloud's eyes closed, and when he opened them...

__

scscscsc

...he found Zack and the others smiling down at him, and he remembered where he was. New ShinRa headquarters, the Lifestream, and he was quickly up on his feet and assuring his friends he was okay.

"I couldn't sense you," Aerith confessed. "That was scary."

"At first, I was somwhere strange, I don't know where. I could hear Gaia and Jenova talking to each other."

"Really? About what?"

"Mostly Gaia being encouraging, and Jenova daring us to try to take Sephiroth back."

"And then?" Zack asked somberly. "Did you change the past?"

"I'm...not sure. But I told him how I feel."

Zack grinned. "Good for you, Spiky."

"I hope that it will be enough," Angeal added.

"Cloud, you have to return to your body now."

"Aerith is right," Reno said. "I can't keep you anchored to it much longer."

"Plus Tifa's, like, a minute away from stomping in here to get you back," Zack added cheerfully.

"Understood. Um..."

Angeal nodded, having understood. "Even if you don't see us, we will be with you every step of the way."

"And we'll try to stay visible," Zack promised. "Either way, you'll be able to sense us. You won't be going through this alone, not even close."

"Thank you. Thank you all."

Angeal bowed his head, and Zack affectionately said "Anything for my Spiky." Genesis, who had been staying quiet, wiped a tear or two from his face.

"If anyone can get him back, Cloud Strife, it is you."

Reno spoke up. "Uh, fair warning, pissed-off Tifa incoming in five, four, three..."

__

scscscsc

The door caved in, groaning heavily on its hinges, and Tifa Lockhart stepped into the room, fists raised. The room's occupants could see, through rhe clearing smoke, a bunch of faces behind her, as well as the unconscious bodies of several guards.

"Cloud! Cloud!"

Cloud opened his eyes, sat up stiffly, and smiled.

"I'm here, Tifa."

__

scscscsc

Shelke Rui took off her helmet and shook out her short brown hair. She was aware of the intruder situation and had quickly taken command when no one else did, deploying soldiers to every floor. Why no one else had issued orders, Shelke wasn't sure, but she felt a loyalty to New ShinRa far beyond what she had felt for the old company, and was eager to assist it.

Not happy to assist, not quite. Shelke was not sure she remembered what happy felt like. Vincent insisted she would feel it someday, if she gave herself time and opened herself up to human experiences. And she was trying, though admittedly it was difficult to do, being a nineteen-year-old human stuck in a nine-year-old's body. Kanawa was trying to develop a drug that would get her halted growth going again, and she was grateful to him for caring. Grateful to all the employees who had accepted her as one of them.

As Vincent Valentine said, to be human is a terrible loneliness. But as he also said, having friends eases it. Even Cloud Strife and his nakama seemed interested in being allies. Tifa had given Shelke her phone number and suggested they spar sometime, or go shopping. Little Marlene Wallace was unaware of Shelke's true age and had invited her to come over and play anytime, which Shelke found amusing.

The former Tsviet touched a button on the computer console. "Leader of Division 4, report."

No answer. Shelke tried to contact the other party leaders of the guard divisions she had deployed, only to receive a foreboding silence. It was possible they had all lost their communication devices, or were all too busy to respond. It was much more likely that they had all been wiped out by the intruders.

"Intruders of the New ShinRa building, what are your demands?"

Shelke listened for a response, but heard nothing. She took out her phone and dialed the president's number.

"Rufus Shinra speaking."

"President Shinra, this is Shelke Rui. I assume you are aware of the intruders?"

"Aware, and well guarded."

"I deployed the guard, but I believe they've been defeated."

"Don't worry. It's just Cloud Strife's friends wanting him back, they won't hurt anyone unnecessarily."

"Understood." She hung up and dialed Kanawa's number. "Doctor, this is Shelke Rui. Are you unharmed?"

"Yes, the intruders are here and no one's been hurt. Are you all right, Shelke?"

"Yes, sir." A creaking noise made her turn around. "Sir..."

"Shelke? What's wrong?"

"Null, the Obsidian. He's...moving."

She sounded very calm, but her heart was pounding. Inside the steel and bullet-proof glass container, the dark man was very clearly awake. Shelke could see his eyes from here, and they were black, and soulless.

"Shelke! What is he doing?"

"Trying to escape, I believe."

The steel connections were groaning from the pressure Null was putting on them, the glass starting to crack and splinter. As Shelke watched numbly, the door to the broken cage was blasted off and slid across the floor like a child's toy. The dark man saw her, and grinned. It was not the smile of anything safe or sane.

"Shelke! Get out of there!"

"No, Doctor. I will distract him so you can have a chance to escape. Use this time wisely."

He was yelling her name, but she closed her phone and slid it back into her pocket. She drew her magrods from their side sheaths and stood in a fighting stance, watching as Null calmly walked out of his shattered chamber. He stretched a bit, then faced her.

"You. You are a Tsviet. Why do you oppose me?"

"You intend to harm my friends."

"I will kill anyone who gets in my way. I must destroy Sephiroth. Mother demands it."

Shelke wasn't sure what to make of his words, but he drew a thick broadsword from his back sheath, and by the way he stood she knew he intended to fight. She also knew she had very little chance of defeating him. The knowledge came to her serenely, as most knowledge did.

_I am going to die. The loneliness will be at an end._

_I will be with my parents again._

_I will see Shalua again._

Shelke smiled as the blade made its first swing. She was happy.

__

scscscsc

"Shelke! SHELKE!" The doctor hung up his phone and wrung his hands. "It's going to kill her!"

"Slow down, Doctor," Genesis said. "What is?"

"Is that Genesis Rhapsodos?" Tifa whispered, not to anyone in particular.

"Null the Obsidian! The last Tsviet! For some reason, it's woken up!"

"Really?" Genesis turned to Cloud. "Whatever you did, it's had an effect. This could be good news."

"Good news? Shelke is going to be killed by that thing!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Genesis said resolutely. "Doctor, out of my way."

They watched him go, silently out of a kind of respect. Reno, who was sagging slightly against Rude, said "We should help him."

"I'm game," Yuffie exclaimed. "Those guards were no challenge at all."

Tifa went to Cloud, and took his hand. "You were okay all this time?"

"You know me. Just dilly-dallying."

She punched his arm lightly, and managed a real smile.

**To be continued.**


	16. Till Spade and Hearse

"We twain once well in sunder,  
What will the mad gods do  
For hate with me, I wonder,  
Or what for love with you?"  
\- Algernon Charles Swinburne, "Rococo"

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 16 - Till Spade and Hearse**

 

_All is fading, and returning. I was Jenova's devoted son a moment ago, remembering nothing, needing to remember nothing of my life as a human being. Now I am assaulted by the images of faces, and names and stories to go with them. Andrew Lefler, the man who sparred with me so often when I was a boy, always accepting defeat with a laugh. Mira Okani, who I allowed to become an instructor because he could bear killing no more. Kellan Finn, who tried to get me drunk, unsuccessfully, every Winter Solstice. Zack, whose presence alone eased the loss of my two dearest friends. Genesis, who loved me and lived in the pain of that love. Angeal who helped me, who tried to use his body to erase Hojo's touch. It is like a flood that never recedes._

_I understand, now. Having been in the Lifestream even for a moment without her presence, I know. I know Jenova was not a Cetra, and that she had and has no right to this planet. A new voice or a very old one speaks to me now, hindered so long by the dark goddess, and tells me that my sins are forgiven, that my loved ones both in the Lifestream and on the planet bear me no ill will._

_I cannot believe that. I have done too many terrible things in Mother's name. It was my fault that Zack and Cloud ended up in the labs that bore me. I burned Nibelheim to the ground, I tortured the planet with geostigma. I have fought Cloud Strife as an enemy, instead of honoring him as the one person I've ever loved, in the way I never knew I was capable of._

_Yes, I remember everything now, and Cloud shines through those memories like a sunrise out of darkness. I recall my first glimpse of him, my heart going out to one who was as small and vulnerable as I felt inside, my wounded soul touching his and finding it hurt in the same way. I could hardly talk to the boy, I awed him so much, but when I did I felt a gentleness and a protective glow that made my cold heart ache. If this is what Genesis felt for me, I wish I had been kinder to him while he lived._

_I remember every word Cloud spoke in my presence, the way he blushed, his voice complaining when Zack picked him up. I remember the fresh-air smell of him, and the messy blond spikes I so longed to touch. I thought about him the way I had once obsessed over war tactics and battle plans, and I imagined confessing that I loved him as he did me._

_I was very close to saying it, once, in the same reactor where I am now, before Genesis's sweet voice cautioned me that I would only be continuing the cycle of abuse I'd grown up in. I believed him then, and about Angeal, though Gaia tells me now that even death couldn't tear Angeal Hewley from Zack's side. If that is not love, what is?_

_I am free now, though why I chose to pull free of Jenova at this time, I do not know. I cannot think while the voices of my past reverberate between my ears, without end. Without Mother's presence, I remember every word of my past, every sickening moment spent with Hojo, every game I played with Genesis and Angeal, every battle I inevitably won. I feel sick of fighting. But what was I made for, if not that?_

_I ask myself the question, and all I can think of is Cloud. The cadet who defeated and admired me, grown into a young man, who probably can age no more than I can. I feel that the two of us could live until we are the last two people on Gaia, and I would still feel love and longing for him as much as I do now. Has he truly forgiven me? Does he really love me after all that has edged its way between us?_

_I want to ask him. Surely the war hero I was is brave enough for that. But I do not move; the loud voices in my head keep me still in this place of bad memories. Gaia, telling me I am her champion and always will be. Jenova, sweetly imploring me to return to my mother's side. Zack's old encouragement that I am capable of love and always was. And Cloud, Cloud's kiss and his promise that he has forgiven me everything, even the sins I have not yet committed._

_I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to cause further harm to the planet. I only want Cloud here, to make the voices stop with his gentle touch. I want a chance at what Angeal and Zack had, and when I die I want it to be with a human heart._

_Cloud._

_Cloud._

_Cloud..._

__

scscscsc

"Cloud," Aerith said in a dazed voice, "Sephiroth has left the Lifestream. He pollutes it no longer."

"What?" Cloud's heart was fluttering. "He's out of it? Where?"

"I don't know, but he's alive."

The pounding in Cloud's chest slipped a beat with sudden joy. Alive. Alive somewhere, maybe free of Jenova. Zack, fully visible now as the others were, grabbed Cloud in a hug.

"Whatever you did, Spiky, it worked! Yeah!"

Aerith waved to Tifa, who waved back, feeling rather stunned to see her. Angeal quickly introduced himself to Tifa and her party, and Reno, slowly regaining his strength, let go of Rude and stood on his own wobbly feet.

"Aerith is right, yo. I can sense Sephiroth now, and it feels like the old Sephiroth, not the one controlled by Jenova."

"Cloud, what did you do?" Tifa asked.

"I've been receiving memories of Sephiroth from the dead. Then Gaia sent me back to the reactor just before Sephiroth fell in, and I told him how I feel."

"And laid a big smooch on him, right?" Yuffie asked hopefully.

Cloud smiled.

"Eek! You're gonna be the hottest couple on the planet! I'm totally gonna write naughty stories about you and post them on the interweb!"

"Ignore Yuffie," Tifa said. "She's had too many hypers."

"Yeah, that would explain it."

"Hey! I needed them to kick soldier butt!" Yuffie looked at Zack, and pouted with thought. "Didn't I kick your ass once, a long time ago?"

"If that's how you want to remember it," Zack said dryly, "sure."

__

scscscsc

Having been in the lab only minutes before, Genesis needed no help finding his way to it. The slowly-reviving guards only blinked with confusion as he stormed past them on his way to the elevator, and once inside, Genesis almost smiled as an old, almost-forgotten rush took hold of his body. Any SOLDIER would recognize it, the excitement that precedes a battle and lasts well into it, the surge of adrenaline that made minor injuries nothing and sped up the body and the mind. Even a battle such as this, one that might be impossible to win, was no exception.

Genesis had not had a good, challenging fight since Zack defeated him years ago. On his journey from Banora to Midgar, he had performed helpful tasks for those he met, and some of these involved killing monsters, but they were all low-level, the sort that had not given Genesis trouble since he was thirteen. This was a Tsviet he went to face, and although Genesis had never fought a Tsviet, he knew he was going up against something that had been modified much the same way he himself had. This fight could be close.

_But I will win. I must win._

The elevator seemed mercilessly slow. When it finally beeped to indicate the lowest floor, Genesis sprang out, his wing extending though he hardly noticed it. There were spatters of blood here and there on the floor, and fifteen feet away the still and headless body of what appeared to be a child. Shelke's head had been placed on the chair at her work station, and oddly, the lips formed a smile. Amidst his shock to find her dead, Genesis felt a gratitude that the girl was now in the Lifestream with her family.

Null stood behind the same chair, looking over his handiwork with an approving smile. As Genesis drew his sword and approached, Null looked up and spoke, in a voice that was husky from lack of use.

"Genesis Rhapsodos."

"The very same."

"I knew you would be a hindrance for me."

"And so I shall. But you needn't have hurt the girl. That was cruel."

Null shook his head. "She was smiling. She wanted to go."

"Oh, so it's only the willing you plan to harm?"

"I must destroy Sephiroth."

Genesis's voice went low and deadly. "That's not going to happen."

"Mother demands it."

"I know this mother you speak of. Believe me, she'll discard you too when you no longer obey. She only cares as long as you're loyal."

"I will be loyal. Sephiroth has denied our mother, so he must die."

"No one's hurting Sephiroth again, not as long as I live."

Null drew his broadsword, and stepped forward to swing it. Genesis ducked, his hair flying elegantly in the movement, and used his own blade to block the next blow. Silver and scarlet-red, the two weapons ground against each other for a few moments, before Null stepped back, and Genesis took the opportunity to perfect his fighting stance. His feet were in a better position, more balanced for the rest of his body, when Null made his next lunge. This one caught Genesis with the tip on his shoulder, on top of an old wound. He hissed softly from the sudden pain, but kept his focus on his opponent. With a powerful swing of his sword, Genesis thrust Null back and grazed him across the cheek, below the lightning bolt tattoo he had on each one.

Null growled as he advanced. "Why do you fight me? We are brothers."

"I only have one brother, and that's Angeal."

"You are made from Mother's cells, like me. Project G was the inspiration for Project Tsviet." Null blocked another blow. "We were made the same way, by the same men."

"Yes, by men who thought only of their own greed. If we were truly alike, you'd fight on my side," Genesis said.

"I must destroy Sephiroth."

"So much for that, then."

Genesis caught Null off guard by taking off into a somersault right over him, and managed to make a good wound on his back before he turned around. Yowling like a wounded animal, Null turned and let his blade fly. He seemed to get his second wind, and for the next few minutes Genesis was worried. This thing was strong, and all the time that he had been sealed away did nothing to diminish his talent with a sword.

A palpable hit - Genesis caught Null on the arm and left a nasty wound, the kind that would scar on a person not enhanced with mako. Null grimaced but fought on, though obviously a bit weaker.

"How did you survive?" Genesis asked, out of genuine curiosity. He side-stepped a blow, and went on. "Without daily doses of mako."

"I am superior. That is what they told me."

Sephiroth, the words reminded him so of Sephiroth that Genesis was stunned for a moment. Null saw this and wasted no time launching another attack. Genesis only managed to block it at the last moment, and they once again stood face to face, swords pressed together.

"Surrender. Why do you fight for a man that doesn't love you?"

He expected Genesis to deflate, and was surprised to see him smile.

"Because I love him. And he always loved me too, as much as he could. I was a fool not to see that."

He threw Null back several feet. Finally, the thing was weakening.

"Genesis!"

Cloud Strife appeared in the doorway, sword drawn. His faithful chums were gathered behind him, as expected. He saw the body of Shelke, and whispered to Tifa, "Keep Dr. Kanawa away."

"Thank you for coming, Cloud, but I can handle this."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite." Genesis grinned. "Consider this a wedding present to you and Seph."

" _What_?"

"Just kidding. I'll get you something nice, if stingy ShinRa hasn't frozen my accounts."

Jesting in his usual careless way seemed to renew Genesis's strength. He realized this was very like fighting himself - Null reacted to each taunt and tactic the way Genesis would. Instead of his usual arrogant manner, Genesis tried to fight like Sephiroth would, anticipating his opponent four moves ahead. It worked well, and surprised Genesis that far from having lost any skill, he was actually a better fighter now than he had been as a 1st with ShinRa.

"Go hot stranger!" Yuffie squealed, and Genesis paused to smile.

"Yuffie, don't distract him," Tifa cautioned.

"Okay...but he is hot."

Genesis began his final assault, the death-dance he remembered so well from long ago. He beat against his opponent as mercilessly as the sea eroding the shore, and a great deal faster. The others watched in awe, having seen nothing like it except Cloud when in the heat of battle. Genesis's fury paid off. Each of Null's blocks and sweeps was weaker than the last. Null was losing, and by the look on his face it was plain that he knew it.

"I must...destroy Sephiroth," he gasped, almost hypnotically.

At last, Genesis thrust his sword into Null's chest, piercing the heart, if indeed Null had one. He fell loudly to the floor, shaking much of the damaged lab equipment that were casualties of the fight. Tifa thought it was another good reason to keep Dr. Kanawa back - he would surely be horrified at the state of his laboratory. She looked at Shelke's still form, and felt her stomach twist. She had been a strange girl. She had deserved a life.

Genesis had put Shelke's head back close to her neck, and had found a large cloth somewhere. He laid it respectfully over the body, whispering, "Sleep well, little lady. May you find peace."

Kanawa finally forced his way into the room. "Shelke!" he cried, racing to her side.

"Don't look at her, Doctor," Genesis said softly. "She is gone. That's all you need know."

"She's with her family now," Tifa added.

Kanawa nodded, though tears were streaming down his face.

Cloud looked at Genesis with respect. "That was incredible."

"I know."

"He said...he had to kill Sephiroth."

Genesis smiled. "And he called Jenova 'Mother'. Which means..."

"Sephiroth is free of her." Cloud found himself grinning and couldn't stop, when he usually appeared somber in the presence of other people. "But where?"

"The Northern Crater?" Tifa suggested. "That's where we fought him."

"But that wasn't really Sephiroth," Cloud reminded her. "That was Jenova appearing as Sephiroth."

"Oh, that's true."

"And last time Cloud fought Sephy, he was actually Kadaj," Yuffie mused, scratching her head absently with one of the points of her shuriken. "So I guess that doesn't count."

"The answer is simple, puppets," Genesis said, seeming pleased to be the center of attention. "Where did Sephiroth enter the Lifestream?"

Cloud caught on at once. "In Nibelheim, in the reactor."

"That's where I saw it!" Tseng said suddenly, and seemed embarrassed by his outburst. "I mean, Reno had a vision of Sephiroth kneeling on a floor covered with mako, and I know now where I've seen that diamond-shaped pattern. It's been used for the floor of every mako reactor."

"That settles it," Yuffie said exuberantly. "We're going to Nibelheim."

Cloud nodded. "Cid, we'll need your airship."

Cid pointed to Yuffie. "Only if she promises not to puke all over it this time. I had to pay my guys extra to clean it up."

"Hey! It's not my fault you're too cheap to get some barf bags for that hunk of junk!"

"Are you calling my Shera junk?"

"So it's settled," Tifa said, loudly enough to put an end to their argument. "But we need to make a stop somewhere."

Cloud guessed what she was thinking. "Cosmo Canyon?"

She nodded. "Don't you think we should all be together for something this big? Anyway, if Sephiroth is no longer Jenova's puppet, we need as many witnesses who can vouch for that as we can get."

Reno spoke up. "I say let us come along, and bring Rufus."

"I will also go, if you allow it," Tseng said with a bow.

Dr. Kanawa stood up and put on a brave face. "I'm not much of a fighter, but a doctor might come in handy."

Vincent, who had knelt at Shelke's other side, also stood and nodded. "If Lucrecia's child is to be redeemed, I would like to witness it," he said quietly.

The denizens of the Lifestream were nowhere to be seen, but Cloud could sense them, as they promised. "Are you guys with us, Aerith, Angeal, Zack?"

_Of course we'll come!_

_We are with you._

_All the way, Spiky._

"To be sure, I'll go with ye!" Cait Sith said merrily.

"We all in, Spiky-head," Barret said gruffly.

"To get Sephiroth back? We wouldn't miss that mission for a million Gil," Lefler said, and the other ex-SOLDIERs nodded.

"Looks like you've got a full ship, Cid," Tifa said cheerfully.

He looked slightly put-upon. "I hope the rest of you ain't motion-sick."

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The inky night sky over Cosmo Canyon was bright with stars when Nanaki finished his patrol. Every day he walked the perimeter of Cosmo Canyon, defeating the monsters he found and putting the locals' minds at ease with his presence. Nanaki, formerly known as Red XIII, took his role as protector of the town very seriously. He was one of the last of his race, and they had all held similar positions going as far back as anyone could remember.

All of them. Knowing the truth about his father had given Nanaki a peace that he never thought possible. Having grown up believing his father Seto had abandoned the town out of cowardice, knowing now that he had actually defended Cosmo Canyon to the death meant the world to Nanaki. He sometimes visited the statue Seto had become and talked to it, and each day he did his duty he knew he made his father proud.

Nanaki entered his home and called out to Bugenhagen. "Grandfather, I'm home."

"In here, Nanaki."

The feline-canine creature entered Bugenhagen's room and found him in bed. The old man had lately been growing weaker, having lived a long full life and constantly reminding Nanaki of that when the younger insisted he would get well. The truth was that Bugenhagen was very old for one of his kind, and he was reaching the end of his natural lifespan. He was only going to get weaker from here on. Somedays, he couldn't even make it to his observatory.

Nanaki sat by the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Exuberant, my boy! Hoo hoo, have you sensed it too?"

He had, but was unsure what it signified. "The Lifestream has become purer. A great darkness has left it."

"Precisely! Unless I'm much mistaken, Sephiroth has been freed from the Calamity."

"Freed! Are you sure, Grandfather?"

"I believe so. That's one less enemy for this planet, and one more to defend it."

"Can there be anything left of the old Sephiroth after so long?"

"Hoo hoo, I hope so. Sephiroth visited us once, years ago when he was a boy, and he listened so politely. It would be nice to have that boy back."

Nanaki was quiet for a few moments while the old man coughed. "Cloud must have done something. He cares deeply for Sephiroth."

"Yes, that is why Sephiroth is always drawn to him. Love cheats death, you see. It will always find a way."

"Why did you never marry, Grandfather?"

"Hoo hoo, for me, there was only science, as guarding the canyon is for you. But as I near death, I see life. I see your descendants gazing down on a Midagr reclaimed by nature. So you see, Nanaki, you will have a life beyond this town. Didn't I always tell you you'd travel the world? Well, you have, and you will again."

"I don't plan to leave you again, Grandfather."

"Oh, don't worry about me, dear boy. I'm looking forward to death! I'll be able to see all my old friends, and know all the secrets of the planet I didn't know in life. Who knows, maybe I'll travel to the distant stars and learn all their names. And you, Nanaki, I'll watch over you and your friends, and throw parties for each of you when you come join me."

Almost automatically, Nanaki said, "Grandfather, you won't die for a long time."

"Hoo hoo, I have no long time left, my boy. And once I'm gone, you must go with your friends. The canyon will always be here for you. You mustn't miss chances to see the world."

"I've seen enough. I'd rather stay with you."

"You're a good child, Nanaki, you always have been. But your friends are coming to pick you up, and you must go with them. Momentous things are happening on this little planet of ours, and you mustn't miss them."

Nanaki went to the window and looked out, the view an impressive one of the town below and the land beyond. "Can Sephiroth really be reclaimed?" he asked softly.

"Hoo hoo, you'll be there to see it."

"If you truly wish me to go, Grandfather, I will obey. I admit, it would be nice to see my friends again, and share this triumph with them. Cloud will be happy, and that's too rare a sight. Why don't you come, Grandfather? They will be happy to see you too. Grandfather?"

He went back to the bed, and found Bugenhagen no longer breathing, dead with a beatific smile on his wrinkled face. Nanaki bowed his head, and licked the old man's cheek one last time. He slowly walked out to the fresh air of the landing to wait for Cid's airship, and howled lowly and mournfully to the bright moon. As he did so, tears escaped his eyes and fell to the dirt below.

**To be continued.**


	17. The Wavering, The Uncertain

"When will I be dead and rid  
Of the wrong my father did?  
How long, how long till spade and hearse  
Put to sleep my mother's curse?"  
\- T.H. White

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 17 - The Wavering, The Uncertain**

 

"Love, it was nice that Cid allowed us the privacy of his bedroom."

"Even though you would've just taken it if he hadn't offered."

"True."

"Typical Shinra."

This part of the airship, where the bunk room and Cid's private room were located, was quiet, as isolated as possible from the creaks and crashes of the ship's engines. Reno and Rufus had felt a little awkward among Cloud and his friends, so Cid's offer was gratefully accepted. Trouble was, Reno and Rufus were still feeling a bit awkward with each other too.

"Reno, I know I'm lucky you're even talking to me. I'm so sorry."

This meant something, because Shinras don't apologize, and Reno wanted to tell him it meant something, but sensed Rufus had more to say.

"I mean...everything's worked out for the best, but that doesn't change what I did, what I tried to do. When you told me Sephiroth would come back, I imagined the world destroyed. My world, which you're the center of. I wanted to stop it, no matter what it took. But we should have talked to Cloud, not captured him. And I should have talked to you."

Reno smiled weakly. "That's what hurt the most, that you didn't even tell me."

"I know. I knew you were Zack's friend, and Cloud's now too, and I just couldn't take the chance that you would talk me out of it."

"I probably would have, or at least tried. But like you said, it worked out," Reno said.

"Can you forgive me?"

Reno sighed. "Only because I can't manage to stay mad at you."

Rufus stepped forward to hug him, running his hand over Reno's ponytail, the sleek soft hair he could never get enough of touching. It felt so good to touch Reno, to feel forgiven. And to have Reno holding back just as warmly and tightly. He pulled the tie out of Reno's ponytail and let the hair fall loosely around his shoulders, and ran his fingers languidly through it. Such a brilliant red, and it always smelled so clean and sweet. Rufus gathered up some strands and buried his face in their softness.

He went for a kiss, but Reno stopped him and said, "Just promise me that you won't keep things from me anymore. We're equals in this relationship, right?"

"Yes, we are, and I promise. Next time, instead of acting on my own to protect you, I'll work with you instead. No more secrets between us."

Now Reno kissed him, hard, and in seconds their whole bodies were pressed together and hands were exploring. Reno pulled at Rufus's white suit until it came off, and willingly slipped out of his own jacket, shirt and pants when Rufus removed them. Still kissing, somehow they made it to the bed, where Rufus playfully pinned Reno to the mattress and Reno smirked up at him. Determined to change the expression into one of pleasure, Rufus put his hands between the younger's legs and began to stroke, forcefully but gently.

Reno was easily won over. A dreamlike contentment came over his usually mischievous face, and he breathlessly encouraged Rufus not to stop. No such encouragement was necessary. Rufus was always spellbound by the needy and pleasured expressions on Reno's face, and loved to hear the sexy moans that came out of him. He stroked the hard flesh slowly at first, then built up to merciless jerks, then as the climax approached he relaxed his hand. Despite Reno's foul-mouthed pleas, Rufus three times brought him to the brink, and then slowed down.

"Fuck, just let me come, please..."

"Well, since you said please."

Rufus's hand became mercilessly quick, and in only moments Reno had filled Rufus's hand with come, and come down from a loud and intense orgasm while he smiled tiredly up at his lover. Rufus, meanwhile, had coated his fingers and his cock with the slick ejaculate, and held up a finger for Reno to see.

"Hell, yeah, let's do it in Highwind's bed."

Reno spread his legs and Rufus went to work stretching him, intentionally brushing the prostate every chance he got. Despite his background, Reno was actually quite tight, and needed a little preparation each time. This time, however, Reno stopped him after two fingers had been inserted.

"I'm fine, fuck me now!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure I will die if you're not inside me within thirty seconds."

"Well, we can't have that."

Rufus entered slowly, breathing deeply against the sublime tightness now surrounding his cock. He took Reno's hands from fisting the sheets and placed them on his arms, reminding Reno that he could touch.

_I do remember, it's just sometimes..._

_I understand. Sometimes you're still a child, still being forced._

Reno's face flushed as he was entered, his whole body felt like it was pleasantly on fire. He encouraged Rufus with his moans to go deeper, fuck harder, but Rufus preferred to start things out slow. He leaned down to capture Reno's lips, soft and red and always tasting like candy. Reno joined in the gentle kiss with an eager and skilled tongue, and cried out into Rufus's mouth as he made his first hard thrust.

"Yes yes, more, like that..."

"Do you want it hard, baby?"

"Yes, Gaia yes."

Rufus pumped in and out of Reno hard and forcefully, but taking care not to cause pain or damage as much as he could. He stroked Reno as he fucked him, wanting them to come at the same time, and Reno was just about there. A few more jabs at the prostate and Reno let go. Euphoria washed over him as he spurted, and the contraction of his muscles took Rufus over the edge as well. The two men lay cuddled together on the small bed, enjoying the post-rapture mellow.

"Do you think Cid knew this would happen when he lent us this room?" Reno asked.

"Hmm, I wonder."

"He probably did. He knows you're funding the WRO and wanted to say thanks, I bet."

"Perhaps."

"Why don't you just go public about that? Everyone guesses it's you anyway."

"Because I don't do it for selfless reasons. I do it to make sure the planet you live on stays well. Why shout it to the world when my world..." Rufus's voice went into a whisper. "...is right here?"

"You don't have to woo me, you know. I mean, you're good at it, but but you've already got me into bed."

"And I'd like to keep you here awhile, until we rejoin the others. You see, we've just agreed to have no secrets, and I still have one more."

"Really? Do tell."

Rufus, still nude, slipped off the bed and retrieved from his trousers pocket a small felt-covered box. He sat beside Reno and handed it to the shocked boy.

"Reno, will you marry me, and be at my side while we rebuild the planet together?"

Still stunned, Reno opened the box to find a beautiful gold ring. When he took it out to examine it, he found that on the inside it said "R.S. + R.S. = Forever" in finely made letters.

"Rufus..."

"Will you?"

Reno slipped the ring on and ignored the mass of tears getting ready to flood his eyes. "Of course I will, you dolt. But what about the Shinra line?"

"There are plenty of orphans. We'll adopt."

"I can't believe this is happening." Reno looked at his ring and smiled. "I ain't wearing a dress."

"Of course not. I was thinking matching tuxedos, a black and white theme, Rude and Tseng for the best men..."

"You've really been thinking about this."

"Of course. A grand affair takes lots of planning."

"We could always do a small civil service thing."

"But I want all the world to know you're mine. So we spare no expense."

"You're insane."

Rufus grinned. "But you love me."

Reno grinned back. "Yeah. I really do."

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"Okay, I'm gonna try again. One, two, three!"

Zack concentrated on solidifying himself into matter that the liiving could touch. It was easy enough around Cloud, who always had one foot in the Lifestream anyway, but harder around other people.

"Okay, go!"

It worked this time. Solid as a human being, Zack was hugged by many arms, nearly dangled off the floor by the force of these embraces. Malakh, Hiromi, Finn and Lefler finally got the glomp they'd been waiting for. Angeal, who had just gone through something similar, stood by and smiled, even when Malakh "accidentally" brushed Zack's ass.

"Hey, once a perv, always a perv," Malakh said merrily. "So, dish! Tell me about the Lifestream."

Zack scratched his spiky head. "It's hard to describe. It's everything good in life and none of the bad. You go back to your happiest age and stay there forever, with the ones you loved. You can make houses and gardens and anything you want, just by thinking about them. And you learn to let go of mistakes you made while you were alive. I mean, look at Angeal. Have you ever seen him smile so much?"

"Never," Lefler agreed. "I'm looking forward to seeing the Lifestream now."

"Not too soon, we hope," Angeal said.

Malakh was looking at Zack with a solemn expression. "For a long time, after your death was announced, I didn't accept it. I didn't until you started showing up in my dreams."

Zack laughed. "Telling you to cheer up, yeah. And I'm really glad you two stayed together after all."

Hiromi smiled, and put an arm around Malakh. "I've learned to appreciate his naughty sense of humor."

"Please, if either of us is naughty, it's you."

"Fine."

"Speaking of which..." Malakh grinned. "Is kinky sex allowed in the Lifestream?"

"All kinds."

"So do you guys ever use leashes or chew toys?"

"You asked me this once before, Malakh, and it is still none of your business."

"Hey, just trying to learn the ropes of the Lifestream, and make sure discipilining your partner is allowed."

Angeal spoke up. "Spanking seems to work well."

"ANGEEEEAL!"

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"I'm so sorry, Nanaki," Aerith said as she pet his fur. "We all loved Bugenhagen, but to you he was family."

"Not by blood, but yes, he was my grandfather. He raised me since I was a cub, after my parents died. He taught me the science of the planets and the wisdom our people have passed down from generation to generation. I owe him everything."

"He loved you very much. We could all see that."

"I think he knew exactly when his time had come. One moment we were talking, the next, he was gone. He said he welcomed death, that he would learn everything that he ever wanted to know." Nanaki smiled sadly.

"I can scan the Lifestream for you, and tell you what he's up to."

"Would you? That would be a great kindness."

Aerith closed her eyes, and was still and quiet for several long moments. Then her face beamed a smile.

"What is it?"

"I can sense him. Your grandfather was welcomed to the Lifestream by his parents and yours, and ever since he's been talking to other scientists and studying the heavens with them. He looks just the way I remember him, and he's so happy."

Aerith opened her eyes and found Nanaki nuzzling her hand. "Thank you, my lady. It means the world to me to know he's well."

"It was my pleasure."

"You know, Grandfather sensed the moment Sephiroth was pulled from the Lifestream, leaving it more pure. That's how I knew you were all coming for me, he told me so."

"He was a very wise man."

"Do you believe Sephiroth, the real, sane Sephiroth will be the one we find?"

"I hope so. Yes, I believe so."

"And if he is still a danger, and Cloud can't fight him, we will. We owe Cloud that much."

"Yes. But if Sephiroth has denied Jenova, he must be back to his old self again. You'll see, this isn't a battle, it's a rescue mission!"

"Do you think Jenova will let him go so easily?"

Aerith frowned, and went back to petting Nanaki's fur. She was silent for a long time.

__

scscscsc

Lo, we come now to the third hero. He took a path that led far away from his brothers, for the love he bore for one of them could no longer stand his proximity. For the hero wandered over hill and dale, desert and ocean, and wherever he stopped he performed kindnesses for all he met, maids and lads, beggarmen and kings alike. His name began to precede him, and new-grown legends spoke of a hero who turned down no task, and asked as payment only that those he helped give honor to Gaia, the planet-dreamer who made us all.

He stayed never long in one place, and save for his two heart's brothers, had no one he could really call a friend. It was a lonely way he lived, unable to give his heart to anyone for it belonged already to his hero brother. This same brother did not feel the same, and so it was unrequited love that the third hero felt, as heavy upon him as his armor.

Rather than sit in sorrow, the third hero dedicated his fractured heart, what was left of it, to becoming a great hero. He slew fierce dragons that were menacing kingdoms and towns. He saved captured lords and ladies, always afterward refusing the lady's proffered hand. He journeyed to distant and dangerous lands to bring back medicinal plants and to recover lost treasure. He solved riddles set by wizards, and learned enough magic to win against wicked sorceresses. He found lost children and helped pets down from trees. No job was beneath him or beyond him. And he accepted only the smallest regards, just enough for he and his chocobo to live on.

Though this man's name is lost to us, it was famous in its time throughout all of Gaia, even reaching the ears of the first hero in the Lifestream, and the second in the village where he lived. Alone left of the three heroes, the third served the Goddess all his life, finding no love greater than She. Yet while he could serve Her, he was content. He needed naught else.

What became of him? He lived to a ripe old age, honored by those he had helped, and passed away in the company of many of them. It is said his one regret was that he could not see his old friends one last time. But in the Lifestream, Gaia spoke to him and told him that other champions like the three would come, and together they would battle a terrible Calamity from the Skies. The title of hero would pass down through the ages, until the planet dies, and some of these heroes would destroy the Calamity and bring peace to the world.

"Nothing shall prevent my return," the champion swore. "Even when the path to Her is hidden from me, whatever threatens Her, I shall vanquish. Until the end, the lines of champions will endure, their power passing from one to another in an endless circle. For as long as the planet endures, the Goddess will require protectors - not only the pure of heart, but the damaged, the wavering, the uncertain. In the final battle to vanquish the darkness from the sky, which of these heroes shall carry Her blessing? Who shall be the bearer of Her light? Even the wisest do not know." Loveless.

scscscsc

"Yuffie, we've not much further to go. Just keep calm and you'll - "

"Not toss my cookies all over this room? I dunno, it seems likely. Do people ever throw up in the Lifestream?"

"Nope," Aerith said cheerfully. "No sickness in the Promised Land."

"Sounds sweet. Can I go there now, please?"

"You've got a long and fabulous life to live first. As Godo's successor, you have the chance to forge a lasting peace between the ShinRa and Wutai. Don't you want that chance?"

A little color came back into the girl's cheeks. "Well, I have thought about that. A lot of my people won't go for it, though."

"I bet you could talk them into it. Peace is what every sane person wants," Aerith said. "And I bet New ShinRa will offer better terms to Wutai, stuff Old ShinRa wouldn't dream of."

Yuffie smiled weakly. "Even my senseis still talk of one day beating ShinRa for all they've done to us. You really think I can persuade a whole tribe of people that ShinRa is our friend now?"

"I think you may be the only one who can do it. Your people trust and admire and love you. ShinRa's changing, the whole world is changing, and you can be a huge part of that change."

"You...You really think I could?" Yuffie asked softly.

"Absolutely. Also, I spoke to a certain Kirimi Kisaragi, and she agrees."

"You talked to Grammy Ki?! I miss her so much! And she still believes in me?"

"And always will."

"Well, then..." Yuffie, looking much better already, stood up straight with one hip jutting out. "I guess, when this trip is over, I've got some planning to do."

"Good for you, Yuffie!"

"Erk...but first I need a toilet!"

Yuffie ran at a sprint to the nearest bathroom, while Aerith watched in amusement. There were often times she was glad her human life was over, and this was one of them. Some things you don't miss.

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"I feel like this is gonna be the last time I talk to you. For a while, at least."

"What? Why?"

Tifa smiled sadly. "You and Sephiroth belong together. You two have so much lost time to make up for. I want this for you, I really do. But I'll miss you."

Cloud took her hand. "Tifa, you and I will always be a part of each other's lives, no matter who either of us are with. You, and Denzel and Marlene, all of you, will always be my family."

She smiled, and her dark eyes shone like twin stars. "And we still have our promise. That I'll come save you if you need me."

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

"Cloud, I hate to bring it up, but there is the tiny possibility that Sephiroth is still a danger to the planet. If that's so, what do we do?"

"We stop him again. But that's not gonna happen. It can't."

"Why not?"

"Because my heart's already broken. It can't break twice."

"Oh, Cloud." She squeezed his hand. "I'm sure you're right. The Sephiroth we rescue will be the one who loves you. He was a good man before Jenova, so he must be now."

"And you're...okay...with us being together?"

"I am now, yes. One hundred percent."

"Now?"

Tifa's face flushed a little. "Well, for a long time I thought you and I might...I never pressed the issue because I had been so awful to you as a child. But yeah, for a while..."

"I'm sorry."

"Nobody's fault."

"Tifa, you're my best friend. I can't imagine my life without you. And when I was a kid, I admit, everything I did was in hopes of impressing you. Then I realized I'm gay, and...I never meant to hurt you."

"Really, it's okay," she said. "I'm getting over you."

"There's someone out there for you, Tifa."

"I know. Actually, there's this guy I'm kind of getting into..."

"Who?"

Just then, Tseng and Rude announced themselves with a knock at the kitchen door, and entered, looking impeccably Turk-chic as always.

"Are we interrupting?" Tseng asked. "You see, I'd like to speak to you, Cloud, and Rude wishes to speak to Tifa."

Agreeably enough, Cloud and Tseng stayed behind, while Tifa and Rude lef tthe room. Cloud offered Tifa's former seat to Tseng, who accepted.

"By your manner, I'm guessing this is not urgent news."

"No, but I could not delay it any longer. Strife, I am sorry. I am sorry we didn't find you and Zack in time to save you years ago. I'm sorry for Zack's death. And I'm sorry about capturing you this time. It worked out well, but we should have asked you, not forced you."

"Tseng, I do forgive you."

"What? That easily?"

"When I found out the Turks were trying to save me and Zack, that meant a lot. I understand Rufus's motivation this time. He wants to protect the planet, like we all do. Intention matters."

Tseng smiled weakly. "It's not the most important thing."

"Sometimes it is."

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"So..." Tifa leaned casually against the corridor wall. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Tactics, mainly."

Tifa found herself disappointed. "Oh."

"If there is more fighting that must be done, I request that you remain close to me. I believe we fight well together."

"We are pretty good. Tell you what - leave me the toughest monsters and you've got a deal."

"If those are the terms, I grudgingly accept them."

Tifa smiled, and Rufus made a small smile in response. It pleased Tifa immensely every time she saw him do that. Now, if she could just stop those shades from hiding his eyes...

"There is something else," Rude said, sounding hesitant. "I was wondering if, after this is over, you would perhaps like to have dinner. With me."

Her heart fluttered, her expression stayed cool. "You mean, a date?"

Rude nodded.

"Well...sure, that sounds great."

He smiled again, and Tifa felt a rush of giddiness race through her body. She'd known for a while she was interested in Rude, and there had been a rumor he liked her. Now it was finally happening, and Tifa felt like she was eight years old again, doodling love notes to her first crush.

"One catch - no sunglasses during dinner. Your eyes are too nice to hide."

Another smile. "As you wish."

Cid's voice boomed over the PA system. "All right, we're comin' up on Nibelheim. Everyone who's taking part in this craziness, report to landing dock 1. I repeat, landing dock 1."

"Guess we better go."

"Remember our agreement. We stay close together."

"Oh, believe me," Tifa said with a grin. "I won't forget."

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Between Genesis and Cloud, the monsters they encountered between Nibelheim village and the reactor had no chance. The others helped, but Genesis was eager to use his newly-discovered strength and Cloud had a lot of nervous energy to work out. Everyone felt like they should encourage or comfort him, but he was smiling most of the way, feeling good about what they were doing and their chances. Soon he would be with Sephiroth. As they were about to enter the reactor, Cloud stopped.

"Everyone, thank you for coming with me. I won't tell any of you to wait here, because I know you won't listen."

"Damn straight," said Yuffie.

"I want you all to know how grateful I am for your support. I'm lucky to have friends like you, no matter what happens."

Cloud turned and entered the reactor, followed closely by Genesis, and behind him the others. The abandoned structure looked just as he remembered it, and Cloud made his way through it, as though in a dream, and in slow motion. It seemed an eternity before they reached the Jenova room, and the floor soaked with Lifestream. In the center of it knelt a black-coated figure, hands pressed to his silver head.

Behind him, Cloud heard a gasp. Genesis had almost forgotten how beautiful Sephiroth really was.

"Everyone keep back! This is raw mako, it'll dissolve both your clothes and your bodies!"

As one who'd been exposed enough to mako, Cloud made his way through the room, feeling his boots and the cuffs of his pants dissolve into the luminescent green matter. Barefoot like a supplicant to a shrine, Cloud reached Sephiroth, knelt down in front of him.

Greenish eyes looked wildly around before settling on him. As Cloud watched, they slowly turned a pure, mercury silver. He touched Sephiroth's hands, drew them down away from his head. The din of loud voices in the former hero's head suddenly, blessedly ceased.

"Cloud," he said, as if he'd never uttered the word before, as if he'd never spoken at all.

"Sephiroth, it's okay now. I've come to save you."

"Save...me?"

"Yes. I know you now. I know you cried for your real mother when she died, and that she loved you and regretted giving you up to an experiment. I know what Hojo did to you, what Genesis misunderstood and Angeal tried to help you with. I know you fell in love with me even though it terrified you to do it. Sephiroth, I have so much to tell you. Gast Faremis wants you to know he hated having to leave you behind."

A single, perfect tear escaped Sephiroth's right eye and streaked down his flawless face. Cloud gently brushed it away with his gloved fingers.

"I was...in a dark place," Sephiroth said hesitantly. " I think...I was waiting for you. I knew you would come."

"Because I love you, Sephiroth. What you've done doesn't matter, that was Jenova manipulating you. I love the real you, the you that I knew I'd find here."

Slowly, a little fearfully, Sephiroth lifted one of his bare hands to Cloud's cheek, and cradled his face in it. The expression on his face was confused, conflicted. Cloud took the hand in his own.

"You won't hurt me. I've grown strong while we were apart, as strong as you. I've become your equal so you won't be alone anymore."

"Cloud." Sephiroth put so much into the word that it seemed he breathed his whole life into it.

Unable to hold back any longer, Cloud surged forward and captured Sephiroth's lips with his own. At first the kiss was reluctant, but then it became as passionate as both men were, as passionate as both had always imagined this moment. It came years later than either of them had wanted, but it came, and that was what mattered.

At last, Sephiroth broke the kiss. "Are you really mine?" he whispered.

"I've always been yours."

Sephiroth smiled, and Cloud's heart stopped for a beat. He had never seen anything so perfect. He put his arms around the man and helped him stand up to his full height, which was several inches above Cloud. Sephiroth's usual uniform was as whole and pristine as if he had just gotten dressed, while Cloud's boots and socks were gone, and his pants up past his knees. He found he didn't much care.

"Let's go, Sephiroth."

"Go..."

"We have friends waiting for us."

Sephiroth followed Cloud's pointing finger, and saw Genesis and Angeal standing together, solid and whole as if neither had ever died. Zack was waving from within Angeal's arms, and Genesis was smiling with a face covered in tears.

"I have so much to tell you, so much to show you."

But Sephiroth was shaking his head.

"We'll never be safe while she lives."

"Sephiroth!"

They both recognized that high, shrill voice, and froze for a moment before turning toward the Jenova tank. Hojo stood there, unchanged by time in his usual lab coat and glasses. Sephiroth's hand in Cloud's immediately went cold.

"Sephiroth! You come here now! Obey me, or you know what'll happen!"

Genesis was being held back by Angeal, who whispered "No, he needs to do this."

"Sephiroth! You know what happens to bad boys!"

"It's Jenova," Cloud said hurriedly, trying to jar Sephiroth back to life. "Jenova, appearing as Hojo."

"Sephiroth! I'll deal with you as soon as I dispatch your little friend."

That woke Sephiroth up. His hand instantly warmed back to life, and he bared his teeth in an audible growl. Standing to shield Cloud, Sephiroth drew Masamune, with the same skill he'd always shown. Silver eyes blazing, he faced down the thing that looked like Hojo.

"You will not touch him, or me."

It happened too fast to see. An instant later, the top half of Hojo's body slid off the bottom with a sickening sound, spilling blood and guts into the mako on the floor. The two halves of the body dissolved like dead monsters did, disappearing not into the Lifestream but returning to the headless thing in the tank.

"My hero," Cloud murmured. "You were amazing."

There was no time to respond. The tank burst open, sending shards of glass everywhere and making Cloud and Sephiroth duck down and shield their eyes. The headless thing was expanding, swelling to hundreds of times its diminutive size, becoming a monstrous thing with countless wagging tentacles. It swiped out at Cloud and Sephiroth, who dodged and then faced each other with meaningful expressions.

"Ready?"

"Ready as you."

The battle was terrifying for their friends to watch. Cloud was the hero of Meteorfall and Sephiroth famously unbeatable, but this was a Jenova unlike any avatar they had fought before. This was Jenova in her true alien form, and she was pulling out all the stops. Her spells were barely dodged in time, and her tentacles hurt badly when they hit.

Sephiroth ducked one large tentacle. "Ice!" he yelled loudly, casting the spell on it, and it froze like a large stalactite. He cut it off and moved on to the next.

Cloud cast Fire on a series of tentacles that came his way all at once, and they dropped off, leaving singed stumps behind. The creature shrieked in pain and redoubled her efforts. Blood was flecking the green-covered floor, all theirs.

"Cloud," Tifa whispered, the name a prayer to Gaia that he would be all right. She felt helpless like the others, unable to enter the room because of the highly acidic mako. She found Rude's hand with her own and held it tight, and they stood like children in the darkness waiting for a light.

Moving almost too fast to see, Sephiroth got in some palpable hits, causing the monster to roar in dismay. "You were never my mother," he said, only loud enough for Cloud to hear. "Lucrecia Crescent is my mother. You are a monster."

The creature roared again, as if insulted by the words. Its face neared Cloud, horrible bulging eyes and a mouth full of razor teeth.

"I am the proof that Zack Fair existed," Cloud shouted as he hacked at it. "I am the proof Angeal Hewley existed, and Genesis Rhapsodos, and Sephiroth, and they are good men regardless of what you made them do! You've _lost_!"

"It's weakening!" Sephiroth called from the other side, and Cloud remembered a promise he'd made to the real mother of them all.

"MINERVA!"

The room filled with a blinding light. After what seemed like an eternity, it finally concentrated to one point in the room, where the tall figure of an ageless woman stood. She was powerful and beautiful beyond human understanding, and many of them had to shield their eyes from Her radiance. Genesis merely smiled, as one who was looking at a very old friend.

"Holy Gaia," Yuffie whispered, and Nanaki bowed his head.

My heroes, the Goddess said fondly, and a powerful beam of light began to emerge from Her hands. It concentrated and lengthened until it could no longer be contained, and she fired it at the half-dead tentacled creature. There was another great roar, one of dying this time, and at last the creature slumped over onto the glowing floor. It did not dissolve, though it was clearly dead. Jenova, the Calamity from the Skies, dead at last.

With a beatific smile, Gaia vanished, leaving behind Her a smell of roses and the green scent of life. Cloud shook on his feet, steadied himself with the thought that their greatest enemy was finally defeated and gone. Sephiroth caught his breath, for it had been a hard battle for him too. Then he approached the monster, looked down at it the way a child might examine a bee's stinger. Then he wordlessly cast Fire on it, and the corpse began to burn.

For a moment, Cloud was absurdly afraid that Sephiroth would turn around with green eyes and talk about avenging his mother. But no, it was the real Sephiroth who turned to face him, with love in his silver eyes and a relieved smile on his face.

"It is over," he said, and heaved a great sigh.

"Yeah," Cloud said with a grin. He gave a thumbs up to his friends, and saw that Genesis was crossing the floor, seemingly unconcerned that his clothes were slowly dissolving.

"Seph!"

Sephiroth smiled widely, and before he could be glomped, he threw his arms around Genesis, and held him as tightly as Genesis held back.

"My old friend," he said quietly.

"Friends forever. I'm already planning your wedding."

Finally, Genesis let go, and gently nudged him toward Cloud. Sephiroth made his way to Cloud, and took both his hands.

"Our friends are waiting for us," Cloud said.

Sephiroth smiled. "Our lives are waiting for us."

**To be concluded.**


	18. Epilogue

"The measure of a man  
Stands or falls with what he leaves behind  
Gather on the sand  
Let your voices carry to the sky  
Rise in light  
Let the gods look down on this and wonder."  
\- "Measure of a Man", Heather Dale

**THE MEASURE OF MAN  
Chapter 18 - Epilogue**

 

Late in the morning, the officers of the Kalm Police Department quietly surrounded a cottage on the outskirts of the town.

Inside, a man in his thirties was drinking from a nearly empty bottle of whiskey, taking swallows as if his life depended on it. Nearby was a framed photo of himself with another young man, both smiling, both without a care in the world. The man looked at it, shivered and took another swallow. This was how he spent most of his days. He had thought the guilt would weaken and disappear over time, but no, all it did was get worse.

There was a knock at the door. "James Nolan? It's the Kalm P.D., sir, we'd like to talk to you."

"Akechi," Nolan whispered into the air, "have you forgiven me? Will you still come for me when I die?"

"Mr. Nolan, please open up, or we'll be forced to break the door down."

Slowly, painfully, as if it took all his strength to accomplish, James Nolan stood up. He was unsteady on his feet, and took a few moments to find an uneasy balance. He took one more swig from the bottle for courage, and wobbled over to the front door. He opened it, wincing from the light that poured in.

"Damn, it's fucking bright..."

"Mr. Nolan, we'd like to talk to you about Akechi Yoshinori."

A few tears gathered on Nolan's eyelashes. He shook his head as if to say no, or that it was too much for him.

"As you may know, the case remains open, and you were and are one of the prime suspects. Now, we'd like you to come down to the station so we can ask you a few questions."

"I did it," Nolan blurted out. "I thought Akechi was foolin' around on me, and I killed him. I started stabbing him and Gaia, I couldn't stop! Akechi, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!"

"This guy's drunk," one of the officers said to another.

"And guilty. Let's get him to the jail. I have a hunch he'll stick to his story even after he's sobered up."

"If you say so."

With some prodding, the officers were able to get Nolan to leave his doorway. He was having trouble walking, so he leaned on an officer as he was escorted to one of the squad cars. There he was, with some difficulty, handcuffed and put into the backseat. As the officers drove him away, Nolan put his head against the rain-fogged window and whispered, "Akechi, please forgive me."

At just that moment, in the Lifestream, a spirit murmured, "I already have."

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Shelke Rui's funeral had been a simple one, hosted and paid for by ShinRa. Every member of the Science Department had attended, as well as Cloud and his gang, and she had been buried next to Shalua in a well-tended cemetery. A young priest had stood over Shelke's final resting place and spoke of her singular devotion to her work, her independent and strong spirit, and the courage she must have had to defect to ShinRa's side. And, of course, to have taken on Null the Obsidian by herself.

Those in attendance kept their heads bowed for much of the service. Reno stood between Rufus and Tseng, and both had an arm around him. Tifa held Dr. Kanawa's arm and kept him steady as he wept. Marlene was being held by Barret, crying softly into his shoulder. Yuffie wore a white dress, white being the Wutaian color of mourning. Vincent had stood back, away from everyone else. He had declined the offer to say a few words at the service, but now, weeks later, he approached the simple but stately tombstone and found himself speaking.

"I don't know why I'm here, Shelke. I know you're in the Lifestream now, with your family, and you can hear me no matter where I go."

Nevertheless he touched the headstone, for a moment.

"I suppose I feel closer to you here, because this is where I said goodbye to you." A single tear dripped down Vincent's nose; he ignored it. "Though it's not really you in the ground before me, just a shell you wore for a while and cast off to be free. There's nothing sad in that, is there?"

But he was sad. Shelke, frozen forever in her child's body, had been able to understand Vincent, trapped in a monster's body, better than anyone else ever had. She had known what it was like to loathe your physical form, no matter what advantage it offered in battle. She too had worked tirelessly for ShinRa, and had been made by ShinRa's Science Department into a freak, something akin to a monster. She had shown Vincent Lucrecia's innermost thoughts and feelings, her care for Vincent, her guilt, her wish that he absolve himself of any wrongs he might have done to her.

Without Shelke, Vincent would never have forgiven himself at last.

"I told you once that being human is the most terrible loneliness in the universe. If the stories are true, even Gaia is lonely, and made us to be Her companions until She's reunited with her lover. Now you're with Her, and with all the friends and family you lost. What is it like? To not be human anymore? To not be alone?"

There was only silence in the cloudy afternoon, as Vincent had expected. He wasn't Cloud, after all, Gaia's champion, who had been into the Lifestream so many times that he could hear the murmurs of the dead.

"Tifa wanted me to bring you flowers." Vincent set a large bouquet of marigolds down in front of the stone. "I'm not sure why. You're not here to enjoy them. But she said it's what people do."

Vincent smiled grimly. "But then, you and I are hardly normal people, are we? Cloud may bring some flowers too. He and Sephiroth are creating an enormous garden behind their house. It turns out Sephiroth is as good at making plants grow as he is killing people. It makes an odd kind of sense."

A cool breeze blew by, fluttering the marigold petals. The white sky seemed to intimate an oncoming rain, but Vincent didn't mind. He couldn't catch cold, after all.

"The doctors say the information you collected from the Lifestream is invaluable. We know more about the Cetra now than anyone thought possible. One doctor told me they may even be able to reconstruct the Cetran language. All thanks to you."

Another tear. Vincent shook it away with annoyance.

"My point is that you made a big difference in your life, short as it was. You lived and died with honor, protecting others. That's the least a hero could hope for. And you were a hero, Shelke."

"Vincent?"

He turned to see Dr. Kanawa coming up the hill, a mass of mixed wildflowers under one arm. Vicent nodded to him, and waited while Kanawa laid his flowers down and quietly prayed a few moments.

"So you too find this place comforting," the doctor said as he stood up.

"Comforting. That is a good word for it."

"It's natural. Having a place to come to and talk to the deceased allows us to keep a connection with them."

"Shelke is in the Lifestream."

"Yes, so we can talk to her anywhere. Why not here, where her friends gathered to celebrate her life?"

"I suppose that makes sense."

Kanawa was quiet a moment. "I heard you got an offer from ShinRa to rejoin the Turks."

"Yes. I turned it down. I will fight side by side with New ShinRa if the occasion arises, but not as one of them. Never again."

"Ah. You know, my colleague Dr. Hunter wants to take over Lucrecia Crescent's work. It would be very helpful to us if you allowed us to study Chaos."

Vincent was silent. He didn't like unleashing Chaos. His dark counterpart only attacked enemies, but he was otherwise unpredictable, and channeling him put Vincent into a dark and depressing place. But, someone was taking over the research Lucrecia had put her heart and soul into...

"I will consider it."

Kanawa was delighted, knowing it was the best answer he could reasonably get. "Thank you. You know, it's getting late. Let me buy you dinner, I know a good place not far from here."

Vincent didn't answer right away. He was thinking of Shelke, of how he had encouraged her to spend time with other people.

"Very well."

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"...so I managed to save Reno, but his clothes were covered in slime and he refused to wear them. So we had to take the train back to the ShinRa Compound with him naked except for my jacket."

Tifa laughed long and hard, brushing away a tear of mirth. "You should talk more. I never thought you would be such a good storyteller."

"Most or all of my stories involve Reno being stupid."

"That's what makes them funny."

They were dining in an upscale Wutainese restaurant in the center of Edge, and it was their fifth date. Tifa and Rude had started out talking about work and Meteorfall and what ShinRa was up to, and Rude had what seemed to be an endless supply of funny Turk stories. But now that she was considering going back to his apartment with him, Tifa wanted to know more personal information.

"Tell me about your family."

Rude shrugged. "There is little to tell. I grew up an only child in a little village near Junon. My father left when I was a baby, so my mother worked hard to raise me alone."

"Do you ever get to see her?"

"When I have leisure time and am near Junon. Several years ago, she remarried, to a wealthy carpet merchant, and moved into the city." Rude smiled. "No matter how much I insist the contrary, she thinks Reno and I are together, because he's the only one I bring home."

Tifa smirked. "Maybe I can meet her sometime and convince her otherwise."

He smiled again, a good sign. "I would like that. She will like you. She always told me to choose a classy woman."

Tifa's cheeks went faintly pink. "How'd a guy like you pick up a nickname like Rude?"

"I was very shy as a child," he confessed. "So much so that I could never talk to strangers or even our neighbors. The adults in the village thought I was being rude, so they started calling me that. When it came time to pick a Turk name, I decided to stick to what I was used to."

"So what's your real name?"

"Even Reno doesn't know that."

Tifa smiled. "How is he?"

"Well. The visions seem to come less and less often. He and Rufus are very busy with wedding planning. I hope you'll be my date when the day comes."

"Of course! Marlene is so excited about being the flower girl, she can hardly sleep. I had to read her six stories last night before she settled down."

"Do you want children? More children, I mean?"

Tifa's knees went wobbly under the cloth-covered table. "Yes, I'd love to have kids of my own. What about you?"

"Oh, yes." The softness in his eyes made Tifa melt a little. "Although I'd be bringing them into a strange family."

"Yeah, with lots of honorary aunts and uncles."

"Reno could teach them how to make and disable bombs."

"And Cloud and Sephiroth would teach them how to fight. They've started teaching Denzel how to use a sword."

"They're well?" Rude asked.

"The house they bought is almost completely furnished, and the garden out back is going to be amazing when spring comes. Reporters still hang around, but there's a high fence."

"And they are happy?"

"Deliriously so, in that annoying, new-couple way. It's still the weirdest thing hearing Sephiroth laughing, and watching him look all lovey-dovey at Cloud. But it's wonderful."

"Jenova truly has been conquered."

"It's still sometimes hard to believe. There will always be evil people and monsters to fight, but otherwise, the planet is safe." Tifa smiled radiantly. "We can finally all go on with our lives."

"And am I likely to become a permanent fixture in your life?" Rude asked, with a touch of hopefulness.

She reached across the table to take his hand. "I'd say you've got a pretty good shot, Rude."

"Aaron."

"What?"

He leaned in closer, bared eyes glowing. "My name is Aaron."

__

scscscsc

"Man, I'd say this place hasn't changed at all, but that would be a lie. It was always kind of a dump, but now it's really decrepit."

The old building's structure was sound, but as Reno said, it was a desolate place. The windows had all been shattered by children with rocks, some of the inner walls were falling down, and much of the floor was broken, the floorboards rotted or missing. Rain had damaged much of the remaining furniture and swollen the few books that were scattered here and there. Yoshinori's Altar of Indiscretions had not aged well in the relatively few years it had been abandoned.

Reno walked around and into the former brothel as though in a strange dream. Once upon a time, he had thought he would die in this place, victim of an angry customer or his own depression. But a kind knight had saved him, and introduced him to a handsome prince. But just what was the prince's intention, bringing him back here?

"Does it bring back memories?"

"Oh, yeah."

"I'm sorry, then," Rufus said, and meant it.

"They're not all bad. I had a couple of friends here. And my situation wasn't the worst it could have been. I was good at my job. Yoshinori-sama was pretty good to me."

"Still. You were only twelve."

"My clients weren't men of high morals," Reno admitted. "But most of them were kind to me. As much as the situation allowed, anyway."

"You never told me much about it."

Reno laughed. "Because you get so clingy when I talk about it."

"You like my clinging and you know it."

Reno lightly shoved him. He looked at the decaying building, and his green eyes darkened with solemnity.

"It was hard. It usually hurt. Most of the customers were used to women, so a lot of the time they didn't prepare me enough, or even at all. Thank Gaia it was a rule that they had to use lubricant. Yoshinori had strict rules for those of us who drew in a lot of money. No hitting, no bruising, no marks, that kind of thing. I had a lot of perverts who liked to spank me, but I didn't mind that so much."

 _You still like it,_ Rufus thought, but said nothing, encouraging Reno with his silence.

"Some days, somehow, I could keep a smile all day, I didn't even have to fake it for the clients. I could tell myself it beat being at home, where my mom didn't care and my dad beat the shit out of me. Where there were memories of Wendy," he said, speaking his sister's name aloud for the first time in years. "I had a comfortable bed and a place to live. I just had to have sex, a lot of it. I learned to like it, but not the way I had to do it. Do you know what I mean? I knew I could love it, if I could just find the right person to do it with."

"I understand," Rufus murmured, wrapping his arms around Reno from behind and holding him tightly. "You know, our first time, I was so worried I wouldn't please you."

"What? You were amazing."

"It was my first time with a man."

"Could have fooled me. So, was I better than all those floozies your dad pushed on you?"

"Immeasurably."

"I almost didn't know what to do," Reno said softly, "you were so gentle."

"We were bumbling teenagers. Equals, like always."

Reno turned and kissed him, a long, deep kiss that didn't care who stopped and stared. Rod and Elena, on guard duty, merely grinned and nudged each other. Rufus and Reno broke apart to catch their breath, and their usual mischief came into Reno's eyes.

"So why did you want to come here? If it's some kind of kinky roleplay you want, I'm game, but it's kinda gross in there, not to mention unsafe."

"No more reckless than that time in the chopper."

"Seriously, what are we doing here?"

Rufus smiled and took Reno's hands. "We agreed not to have any more secrets, so I should tell you I've bought this place."

"What? Why?"

"First I'm going to have it torn down. Then I'm rebuilding it and turning it into a home for runaway kids."

Reno stared at him, wetness shning in his eyes.

"It's my wedding gift to you. Do you like it?"

This time Reno trapped him in a kiss so passionate it might never end. That was fine by Rufus.

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The Altar Room was a place of meditation and prayer. It was usually empty, seeming dusty and old though it was kept extremely clean, the candles replaced regularly. It was by orders of the master that the room was kept ready for visitors, largely because Godo Kisaragi was such a frequent visitor himself.

This early evening found him in this place, where he came to pray at the altars set up for deceased family members. Kirimi, his beautiful and vibrant mother, a peasant girl who had married into the family. Kunai, his noble and proud cousin, who had been the first Kisaragi to fight ShinRa in Wutai's name. His wife Ana, who had died giving birth to their only daughter.

And Goro. The specter of his beloved little brother was never far from Godo's mind, the eternal child, the latecomer baby that everyone had especially loved. He was at Goro's altar now, plain compared to the others because he had died so young, but Godo could often be found there, missing the boy and reassuring him that someday they would be reunited. Gaia's promise to the lives She had made must be true, there must be a Lifestream where the dead existed forever together. After all, the Lifestream had saved them during Meteorfall, his own daughter had been part of the group that brought it on and witnessed it.

The same daughter was now lurking in the doorway, seemingly uncertain about whether or not she should enter.

"Come in, Yuffie."

She obeyed silently, which was usually a bad sign. But Godo knew what she wanted from him, what she had been trying to tell him since she arrived.

_Gaia, give me strength._

"All right," Godo said at last, "tell me."

He sat in silence while Yuffie laid it all out for him, just as Cloud had explained it to her. Godo's bringing Genesis to the room of treasures, what they had done together, what Godo had said, what he had thought about before dying, and how the death had been painless. Yuffie explained it all as delicately as she could, and waited for her father to speak.

"And now Genesis is Gaia's champion. Our scribes record his heroic deeds even as we speak."

Yuffie shrugged. "He's not the jerk vampire he used to be. But I figure it's okay to stay mad at him."

"Thank you, Yuffie. It means a great deal to me to finally know what happened."

The ninja girl was silent for a moment. "You thought ShinRa did it, didn't you? That they had some part in it..."

"And so they did. ShinRa made Rhapsodos what he was."

"But ShinRa didn't order Goro's death, or even know it was going to happen. That was Genesis acting on his own."

"That's true," Godo assented.

"And New ShinRa is a totally different organization. They only use their small military to protect the company, there won't be any more invading and occupying. Rufus wants to make amends to the planet, and to us."

"Yuffie, why are you defending ShinRa to me?"

Again, a short silence. "Because I want peace with them, Pop. And so should you."

"Peace is an easy thing to wish for, a hard thing to accomplish. Never forget what we've suffered because of ShinRa."

"But it can be over! If we say it's over, then eventually everyone will listen, they've gotta. And...I talked to Rufus."

"Did you? What did he say?"

"That he has no quarrel with Wutai. There won't be any more soldiers sent, no more banning of materia. Basically, he wants to be friends. He even wants to build a home here for the orphans that have been made by the fighting."

Godo's face held an expression that was unreadable, even to one who knew him so well. Yuffie held her breath, and Godo let out a sigh.

"I guess I had better invite him here to talk."

"All right, Pop!" Yuffie exclaimed, and hugged him. "Up for a spar?"

"Always. Go on, I'll follow you."

Once Yuffie was gone, Godo bowed again to the altar, to the framed portrait of a boy who would never grow up. "Goro, there will be peace," he said, and a cool breeze fluttered through the still room.

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"Fuck, I'm all right, do it harder."

"Are you sure? I don't wish to hurt you."

"Strong as you, remember? Harder."

Sephiroth willingly thrust with more force into Cloud, their rocking shaking the two-man tent that they shared. Cloud pulled him close for a long kiss, his flexibility allowing Sephiroth to bend low enough, and their tongues battled, it seemed, for dominance. In reality, they were equals, as Cloud and Sephiroth now were.

"Fuck, that's good."

"Better be," Sephiroth groaned, and flashed a smile that made Cloud grin back. He was fairly certain he'd never get enough of his partner's smiles.

They had been traveling for nearly a month, joking often that they had bought and furnished their home only to leave it for the wilderness. Cloud had put his delivery business on hiatus for a while; he had his share of the money they had made before Meteorfall, and Sephiroth had had his ShinRa accounts restored to him, so money wasn't a problem and never would be. Sephiroth said he might become an elite monster hunter sometime in the future, but he wished to never again harm a human being. The greatest killing machine the planet had ever seen was retired young.

Cloud liked the idea of monster hunting too, envisioning the two of them roaming the planet and making it safe for people. For now, he was content to teach Denzel the sword, to watch Sephiroth garden and spend every night wrapped in his arms. Intimacy came surprisingly easy to Sephiroth, considering what he'd been through, and Cloud thanked Gaia and Angeal every day for that. In loving each other, both men had come to know a peace that neither had thought possible.

"Seph, Seph, Seph..."

"Cloud," Sephiroth whispered, and came in a sudden rush. His ecstasy and busy hand sent Cloud over the edge at the same time, and he collapsed into his lover and continued spurting for a few moments.

Cloud ran his hand through Sephiroth's hair, which he could never get enough of touching. It was so silky and strong, and never knotted no matter how much Sephiroth moved. Rather than finding it unnatural, Cloud accepted it as another wonderful quirk of Sephiroth's, like the way he never got dirty and the orderly way he emptied the dishwasher. Cloud was always finding new things to love.

Sephiroth gently pulled out and rolled off, curling up next to Cloud like a large cat. "Awake?"

"And satisfied."

"Good. We only have a few miles to go."

They packed up the tent together (removing blobs of ejaculate where they found them) and moved out, enjoying the peaceful forest around them. The only danger was the Touch Mes, small frogs that cast Frog with a jab of the needle on their heads. Both travellers kept their White Capes close, and had brought a good supply of Maiden's Kisses just in case. They had stopped for a rest (and a romp) in the afternoon, and now very little stood between them and their destination. ShinRa would have lent them a chopper, but the two of them agreed that they needed to make this journey together, and on foot.

"Did you read Genesis's last postcard?" Sephiroth asked.

"The one where he said he's gonna make a line of dildoes that resemble the Midgar Zolom?"

"No, another arrived just before we left. He said he saved a minor Wutaian noble from a Schizo, and was offered the daughter's hand."

Cloud smirked. "Let's hope the guy doesn't have any sons. So Genesis is still in Wutai?"

"Yes, he plans to visit Godo. I'm a little worried," Sephiroth admitted.

"We can always save him if he gets in trouble."

Sephiroth smirked. "He would hate that."

The afternoon was bright, and unusually cool for this normally humid part of the world. It felt strange for Cloud to be back; he remembered little of their pre-Meteorfall visit, except for the confusing images in his head. Now that he remembered everything, remembered Zack, he felt nostalgic to be near the place where Zack had grown up, where he had run and played. As they walked the well-worn paths leading to Gongaga village, Sephiroth halted as the buildings came into view.

"Zack spoke highly of this place," he said with fondness.

"Yeah. We're agreed, right?"

"Yes." Sephiroth nodded. "We will tell them about Angeal. But no detail about how early it started between him and Zack. Only that they were together, and they're together now."

"Exactly right. Typical Zack, making us do his dirty work," Cloud laughed, then quickly looked solemn. "And nothing about the labs."

Sephiroth took Cloud's hand and squeezed it. "I have said all I wish to say about them," he said softly.

Their first few days together had consisted mostly of sex broken up by long conversations. In one of them, Sephiroth shared some of the horrors of his early life at the hands of Hojo, and Cloud had spoken of his own awful recollections of the cruel man. He was surprised to hear Sephiroth apologize, to hear that Sephiroth blamed himself for Zack and Cloud ending up in the lab. Cloud had insisted it was Jenova's fault and Hojo's, and Sephiroth had finally accepted that. He said it was strange to be able to think for himself again, and clearly, without Jenova in his head muddling everything. He'd even spoken, with affection, of Dr. Gast, and was pleased to know he'd see him again someday.

"Ready?" Cloud asked softly. The door was only a few feet away from them.

"If you are."

Cloud knocked, and it seemed ages before someone opened up. It was a pretty woman, aged by time and loss, with a familiar-looking man behind her. She looked at both visitors with surprise, then smiled, and opened the door wide.

"We came to tell you about Zack," Cloud forced past the lump in his throat, the unshed tears.

Alaine smiled again, and in the expression, both could see him.

"We've been waiting for you."

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Angeal always started out his thrusts too gently, and could not be dissuaded from doing so, despite the fact that there was no pain in the Lifestream. At most, Zack argued, there was a stretching sort of ache, and he liked that, it reminded him of their first time together. But if one word could sum up Angeal, it would be "protective", and he always prepared Zack carefully and fucked him the same way. It took some effort to make so strong-minded a man lost control.

Zack batted his eyes cutely as soon as he could keep them from rolling back. "C'mon, a big strong SOLDIER can do better."

"Oh, really?" Angeal grinned, not taking the bait.

"C'mon, I want you hard tonight."

"I think I'm plenty hard."

"Very - oh, Gaia! - funny. C'mon..."

"I don't know, Pup, I think you like it slow." Angeal stroked Zack's hard, weeping cock. "And I've got evidence right here."

"Of course I love it slow, it's you, but c'mon! Take me hard!" Zack's voice dropped into a sultry tone. "Who do I belong to, Angeal? Don't tell me. Show me, show me so hard I never forget."

"Oh, you know who you belong to." Angeal punctuated his retort with a sharp thrust, and Zack's bent legs spasmed.

"That's what I'm talkin' about."

But Angeal could hardly resist the impulse to take it slow, to take Zack for as long as both of them could stand it and watch pleasure fill and roll around in those beautiful pale eyes. Sliding into Zack was like falling into some exquisite oil, only hot and tight and opening up like a flower to the sunlight, only for him. No one else had ever had Zack and no one ever would. It was a thought that pleased Angeal immensely. And eventually he would give in and give Zack the hard fuck he wanted. He couldn't refuse his Puppy anything, after all.

Zack was close, but it was common for him to come several times before Angeal did. Angeal chalked it up to Zack being so young again here in the Lifestream, and his own almost supernatural ability to hold orgasm off. Honestly, he wasn't sure how he did it. Nothing had ever turned him on like Zack. Even in this Heaven, he walked around hard all the time because of Zack.

Angeal laved one of Zack's ears with his tongue, then bit it gently as the boy sighed. "Good, Puppy?"

"Are you kidding? Always, with you. Fuck, Angeal, I'm gonna - "

"I know. Come for me."

He always watched Zack's eyes as it happened, how they went wide and their pale blue glowed as if electrified. They would shift wildly, then roll back as pleasure shot through Zack like a wave. He was always beautiful, but something primal in Angeal especially liked the site of his mate during orgasm. Zack's whole body seized up, and then let go, like the easing of a cramp, and he went limp as a boned fish, so easy to collpase on top of and cuddle against.

But not yet. Angeal continued to thrust, though he nearly came when Zack did, and patiently stroked Zack's eager flesh back into hardness.

"Hard, now!" Zack pleaded.

This time, Angeal didn't argue. He sped up his thrusts and pumped in and out of Zack forcefully, holding onto a leg with one hand and the other grasping one of Zack's. Zack squeezed his hand and smiled lovingly up at him, and that sent Angeal over the edge. He filled Zack's insides with hot semen until it leaked out of him in ropes, and Zack came with him and squirted his seed onto Angeal's muscled stomach.

They both lay gasping for a bit, then Angeal maneuvered them into their favorite position - him lying flat on his back with Zack curled up on top of him, head resting on the broad chest. Zack nuzzled the flesh of Angeal's neck with his lips and tongue, and felt warm lips placing a kiss into his hair. They lay like that for a while, basking in the afterglow, before either of them spoke.

It was Zack. "I went to see Genesis today."

"Alone?"

"Angeal."

"Sorry, old habit. I mean, how is he?"

"Enjoying playing the hero. He had just finished finding an escaped pet rabbit for a little boy."

"Is he happy?" Angeal asked, smiling.

"He says he is. Still planning Cloud and Seph's wedding, he told me it was hard to get mail delivered to the Lifestream, but we're both invited."

"Same old Gen."

"Also..." Zack paused to yawn, another old habit. "You know how ShinRa's publishing an edited version of my memoir, to raise funds for charity?"

"Yes," Angeal said, unconsciously holding him tighter.

"Well, Gen thinks it doesn't tell enough of our story. So he's writing his own version, in between adventures. He says it'll outsell Loveless."

"Really?" Angeal looked both amused and touched. "What will he call it, I wonder?"

"'Loved'," Zack said softly, resting his head against Angeal's strong heartbeat. "He's calling it 'Loved'."

**Owari.  
August 18, 2012  
7:06 p.m.**


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